Rebound
by moray
Summary: Miskatonic University, September 2000. Jean Havoc and Edward Elric are in their first year of college, and things are a little bumpy. Slash, AU, and a confirmed continuation of Unsettling Affairs.
1. First Impressions

First Impressions

**Rating: **PG-13 for language

†

Jean Havoc looked down at his hallmate, slightly nonplussed. Long blonde hair, slightly sullen amber eyes, sharp-featured face, stubborn chin and... "God, you're short."

Edward Elric's first instinct was to bowl right into a rather loud rant. "WHO'S SO SHORT EVERYBODY MISTAKES HIM FOR A JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT!" His voice echoed through the hallway, catching a few odd stares.

Jean held out a long arm, effectively keeping the whacked-out kid from going for his throat. "Anger management problems, much?"

Calming down a bit, Edward swatted the taller blonde's hand away. "Let's get one thing straight... uh... _you_! I don't want to hear one more word about my height, and if I do, _somebody_ is going to get their ass kicked!"

Mouth quirking, Jean said, "I'd like to see you try. It's Jean, by the way."

"I may not look it, but I can hold my own in a fight!" Ed snapped, bristling. "And I don't care what your name is! I'm not telling you mine anyway!"

"I never said you couldn't," Jean said mildly.

"Ed, who the hell are you picking a fight with this time?" A young man with deep red hair walked up, a bit of an untamed look about his person and a sharp grin on his face. He smelled of smoke, bangs parted to one side in order to cover his left eye. His one visible emerald green eye, however, was looking the object of Ed's loathing top to bottom in an almost uncomfortable way. "What have we here..."

Ed shuddered at the tone of voice. "Ashton, you freak!" He'd known the guy since his sophomore year of high school, but it still creeped him out the way he leered at people like that.

Jean chewed on the inside of his cheek. "Okaay..." No, he hadn't missed the redhead's appraising once-over, but he decided to ignore it. For now.

"I see, you're across the hall from us then? Forgive the little shorty, he's got one hell of a temper..." Ashton leaned on Ed a bit. "Although you've got to admire his boundless energy and endurance..." He still hadn't lost that freakish grin of his yet, nor that blatantly suggestive tone.

"Dammit Fawkes you fucking sicko get the hell off me!" Ed shoved the redhead to the side, brushing off his clothes. "You goddamn pervert!"

That was Jean's cue to back away and slam his door in their faces but he was –

"Jean? What's all the yelling about?" An young, pretty man with long reddish-blonde hair and a faint accent peered over Jean's shoulder. "Oh. Neighbors?"

"Right across the hall, just give a knock and have this young boy here cater to your every sexual desire!" Ashton motioned to Edward with a snarky grin.

Ed flushed a brilliant shade of red. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! AND I'M NOT YOUNG I TURN NINETEEN NEXT MONTH! FAWKES YOU PERVERTED SON OF A BITCH I AM NOT A FUCKING SEX TOY!" Realizing what he'd just said, the boy clapped a hand over his mouth, turning even brighter red, if such a feat were possible, eyes wide as saucers.

The two blondes stared at the boy known as Ed. "I don't think," the red-blonde began.

Jean just burst out laughing. "Aiden, you need to get to orientation," he said, still grinning. "I think I'm going to like these two loons."

Ashton smacked Ed on the back. "Good going, Elric." Though he wasn't laughing out loud, the expression was apparent in his visible eye.

Jean's laughter had apparently startled Ed, as the boy was now staring right at him in stunned silence, still red with embarrassment.

The smile never leaving his face, Jean motioned back over his shoulder. "You guys want to come in? We have food and coffee if you want it."

Giving Ed a light shove, Ashton's grin turned a bit less feral. "How nice of you to ask! Come on, Edward, move along!" When the boy didn't move he whispered in his ear, "If you don't, I'll have to do unspeakable things to you when you go to sleep tonight..."

Nearly jumping out of his skin, Ed wriggled under Jean's arm and around behind him, just to get something in between himself and his overly creepy friend. "Don't you dare! I'll put in for a room change! I should put a fucking _restraining order_ on you, Fawkes!"

Jean rolled his eyes heavenward. "All right, let's leave the sexual fantasies out of this," he said, nudging Ed farther into the room. "Sit wherever, and help yourselves to the food."

Ashton followed just to be a nuisance to Ed. If freaking the boy out paid money, he'd be a millionaire by now. "So... Jean was it?" He rubbed his left eye behind the fall of his bangs.

Finding a chair, Ed sat down, still slightly embarrassed and, for some reason, trying to avoid looking at Jean. Instead, he looked at the floor, bangs falling in his face.

"Yeah. Jean Havoc. Midwest farmboy given a scholarship to come to the East Coast to study history. What are you all here for?"

Waiting for Ed to speak, and noticing that he just plain wasn't going to, the redhead spoke up. "I'm here for political science, the little ball of fury and hormones over there is going to major in chemistry." He simply grinned at the sputtering from across the room.

There was a mumbling of something along the lines of 'youfuckingsuckballsfawkes' from Ed's chair, as he promptly turned away from the other two to stare at the wall.

Jean lifted an eyebrow. "Hey, could you stop pestering him long enough for us to have a decent conversation?"

"Pestering him is my _job_ though, _Jean..._ Or rather, it's because it's so easy to do..." Ashton nearly purred. "But if you insist... I'll do my best not to bother him for a little while... No promises, though, seeing as it seems no matter what I do or say he's annoyed with me for it..."

Ed spoke up this time. "Do you ever stop to think that just _maybe_ it's because _everything_ you do or say has blatantly obvious sexual undertones in it?" Molten gold glared directly at Ashton and his stupid grin.

Jean sighed, dropping his chin into his hand.

Glare evaporating again, Ed's eyes wandered from Ashton to Jean, though he quickly turned back around again. For reasons unknown, he felt kind of sick.

Glancing at Ed, Ashton chuckled. "I'm going to go get a nap, it was nice meeting you, Jean..." He stretched and made for the door.

Jean waved casually. "See you later then. Why don't we go grab dinner later? I'm sure my roommate would adore meeting you two."

Ed promptly stood. "I guess I should... go... too..." He wanted to be anywhere but here right now. It was making him extremely... uncomfortable, and he didn't know why. The look on Ashton's face made him think twice, though.

"Why don't you just stay and have fun with your new boyfriend, Ed? Unless you really want to sleep with me that badly..." Ashton let the sentence hang, grinning over his shoulder at the shorter boy.

Ed's reaction was nearly instant. "GOD DAMMIT FAWKES GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE ALREADY YOU SICK FREAK! I'M NOT COMING NEAR YOU WITH A FIFTEEN FOOT POLE YOU JACKASS!" Within that instant he had definitely changed his mind about leaving. Sure, he didn't want to be here, but he really didn't want to be in _there_ with Fawkes.

Wincing, Jean rubbed his forehead. "Is he always like that?"

"Only if it involves embarrassing him as done by myself, or his height. See you later, just give a knock when it's time to go!" Ashton disappeared into the door across the hall.

Not quite sure whether to fume or go crawl in a hole, Ed just spun back around and plopped down in the chair he'd been sitting in. "Stupidmotherfuckingsonofabitchsickopervertfreak..." he muttered to himself.

Trying to salvage the situation (and trying not to laugh out loud), Jean asked, "Where are you two from?"

"Northern New England area..." Ed really didn't care to go into further detail, as he was currently making acute observations of the wall in front of his face.

"Northern New England? You mean Maine?" He reached over to grab a pen. "I heard that the winter's nice, if a bit cold."

"I hated it..." Ed's attention shifted to the ceiling. At least he was calming down a bit, and he didn't feel quite as sick anymore.

"M'mm... why? I've always liked winter myself..."

"It's too cold, it makes my joints ache... Especially my right shoulder and left knee. I don't know why, the doctors said there was absolutely nothing wrong with me."

"Have you ever hurt something there? I mean, old sports injuries can do that." Jean draped himself comfortably over his bunk. "Just a thought, though."

Sparing a glance at the taller man, Ed shrugged. "Not that I know of... Maybe it happened when I was really little or something..."

Jean shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Ed looked away again, sighing. He felt he should ask the same of Jean, but he didn't know if he really wanted to hear it, so he didn't.

Not even bothering to move, Jean let the silence drag out. _Uptight little rat_, he thought uncharitably. _At least the redhead talks_.

The silence was almost nerve-wracking, and Ed found that he'd started to get a mild headache. Looking around, he tried to find a clock. "What time is it anyway? You said something earlier about dinner, right?"

Jean glanced at his watch. "It's about five-thirty. My roommate's going to be coming back soon, so we can toddle down when he gets back."

"Do we _have_ to bring Ashton? He's such a prick..."

Jean sat up. "Why don't you like him? He seems like an okay guy – I won't say nice, but okay."

Ed thought for a while on whether or not he really wanted to get into that right now. "... It's a long story... We're sort of friends, I guess, but he's just... I can't really tell if he's serious or if he's joking sometimes... And well... other things..." He _really_ hoped that Jean wouldn't go and ask what _kinds_ of other things...

"... other things?" At the look on Ed's face, Jean held up his hands. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But it can't be that bad, can it?"

"You've only just met him, you wouldn't understand..." Ed looked away again, just really not wanting to think about that.

"Oh, spare me the angst." Jean hauled himself up. "Unless he's actively molested you, I doubt it's anything worse than I went through."

"..."

Jean's eyebrow lifted.

"Jean, are you in there?" Another pretty male face with long reddish-blonde hair poked through the door. "My brother said you – oh, who's this? He's adorable!"

Ed blinked. "Who's a wha?" He had a feeling that this was definitely just not his day.

The new young man came in. "Is he your younger brother?"

Jean burst out laughing. "Iden, no. Al's still at home – he started eleventh grade this year. This is Ed, from across the hall. Ed, this is Iden, my roommate."

"Uh... nice to meet you..." Ed managed a smile, even though he still wasn't feeling that great. That, and the room was spinning just a little.

Iden cocked his head to the side. "You look a little faint. Maybe we should feed you?"

"That's the best idea I've heard all day." Jean grabbed both young men and bodily hauled them out. He let Iden go and knocked on Ed's dorm door. "Rise and shine! Food!"

Feeling a bit lightheaded, Ed leaned slightly against Jean. For some reason, it felt like it was a perfectly natural thing to do. It made him feel... safe, like home... But home had never felt this way... His eyes started to slowly drift closed.

There was a muffled call of 'Just a second!' from the other side of the door. A few seconds later, Ashton opened the door. Leaning against the frame, he smirked. "I see you two are getting along nicely."

Jean looked at Ed with some surprise. "Never thought he'd warm up to me. You coming or staying?"

Ed mumbled something at the sound of voices, slowly blinking back aware of his surroundings. At which point his eyes widened profusely and he nearly shoved Jean over in the process of getting away from him.

Iden caught his roommate. "Or, not," he commented, green eyes sparkling.

Jean grinned. "Oh, Ashton, this is my roommate, Iden. You met his twin earlier."

Grinning more broadly, Ashton held out his hand. "I knew you looked familiar... Nice to meet you..."

Iden took it with a gentle smile. "Nice to meet you, too, Ashton. Shall we head down for supper?"

"Sounds good to me! Don't worry about Ed, he'll follow. He's just a little freaked out right now... I think." Ashton considered freaking the boy out more, but thought otherwise. Plenty of time for that once the lights went out...

Jean shrugged. "All right. There's a mess hall in Ward, one in Lapham across the quad, and a coffee shop in the Student Union. Where do we want to go?"

Ashton shrugged, nudging Ed. "Come on, you look like an idiot like that."

Ed managed a glare in return, plotting very brutal revenge on Fawkes while he slept.

Iden shrugged at Jean's irritated look, mouthing 'later'. He could tell that the normally easy-going man was getting very, very annoyed. "Why don't we go to the coffee shop? They have good sandwiches."

"Sounds good to me." Ashton grabbed Ed's arm and tugged. "Come on, shorty, or you won't get any food." That seemed to do the trick.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE GETS LOST IN A CROWD OF ANTS!"

The long-haired man neatly inserted himself between Ed and Ashton, heading off any... unpleasant scene. "He didn't say that, Ed. Come on, before you incite a riot."

Ed gave Ashton a glare that promised a lot of pain, then grudgingly followed, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Chuckling, the redhead walked behind as well, making an attempt at idle conversation.

Iden put a gentle hand on Jean's arm. "What major are you taking, Ashton?"

Deep in thought, Ed walked with his eyes focused somewhere between the blonde head in front of him and the pair of shoes belonging to said blonde. He was pretty much looking at, but not really seeing, the middle of Jean's back.

"Political science, yourself?"

"Political journalism. I –"

"Don't let Iden fool you," Jean said, pulling himself together. "He's double majoring in journalism and psychology."

Ashton chuckled, running his fingers through his hair and coincidentally showing off his left eye. "Psychology? That's an interesting subject..."

"It has its moments." Deeming Jean safe for the moment, Iden let him go. "Are you minoring in anything?"

"Biblical studies, actually. I'm not really all that religious but I find the concepts fascinating."

"Are you doing Old or New Testament?" Jean asked, eyes lighting up.

A gaggle of boys and girls was bearing down on them at top speed. The three taller men stopped, giving the others some room.

Still off in his own little world, Ed didn't notice the others stopping. The next thing he knew, he'd run right into Jean, and instinct had him clinging to the taller blonde's shirt for support.

Ashton turned his head, simply grinning at the look on Ed's face.

Jean staggered backward, almost squishing the boy. "Goddammit!"

That dizzy feeling was back, and Ed spun around, bracing himself against the wall with one hand on his head at the ringing in his ears. "Fuck..."

Iden and Jean traded another look, whereupon the ever-faithful and courteous Iden grabbed Ed by the back of his shirt and proceeded to drag him down the stairs. "You need to EAT, dammit!"

Ashton laughed at the look on Ed's face this time, watching as the boy proceeded to make quite a scene. "I'm terribly sorry about his behavior today, I swear he's not usually like that..." A grin creeped its way onto his face. "I think he's got the hots for you, Jean..."

Jean rolled his eyes. "Don't even joke about that." He began to follow his mother-henning roommate and the squalling Ed. "Come on. I'm hungry."

Shrugging, Ashton resumed following as well. "Suit yourself..." Though that grin still hadn't left his face yet.

A few minutes later, they were ensconced comfortably in a coffee shop booth. Iden and Ashton chattering away amiably and Jean ignoring Ed entirely, concentrating on the conversation.

Ed fidgeted absently with the end of his ponytail. The day since he'd met Jean had been rapidly going downhill somehow. He was confusing himself beyond sanity, and it probably showed. He tried his best to act standoffish as he usually was, but any snappy comments he made at people lacked quite a bit of their usual vehemence.

Jean sat back, folding his arms behind his head. The school year promised to be fun, with a roommate who was almost lacking in common sense and hallmates that played so perfectly off one another. He let his eyes rest on Ed. There was something weird about that kid... he shrugged imperceptibly. Whatever it was, it would make his life interesting.

†

**A/N **This is the sequel to xKesshoux's (http(colon)(doubleslash)www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(slash)u(slash)705237(slash)) fic, _Unsettling Affairs_. It was a collaboration fic (well, both of them are, really) and she's given me permission to post this. A note to my habitual readers (you know who you are!) I WILL be updating _Short Stories_ and stuff when classes end. This is just going faster because she's forcing me to write it. And if you're reading this and haven't read _Unsettling Affairs_, DO IT. NOW. Otherwise you won't get what the hell is happening.

Honestly, this was supposed to be a one-shot deal. Y'know, just a fifteen-minute snapshot of them together. Then I opened my big mouth to Miss argh-I-must-write-more-XP and, well... here we are. Hope you keep reading. R&R, please.


	2. DreamInduced Panic

Dream-Induced Panic

**Rating**: PG-13 for language and some innuendo

†

_Soul-sucking, migrane-inducing blackness. No features, no anchoring point except the strange non-feeling of his right arm and left leg and a heavy feeling across his thighs. He could remember panic, terror, and an overwhelming sense of melancholy. But those were muted still - nothing could touch him except the thing in his lap, which was an extinguished source of stability and control._

_Something inside his head clamored for attention, demanding an outlet._

Ed woke with a start, head pounding. He looked around, eyes slowly coming back into focus. The clock said two thirty. What time had they gotten back again last night? He couldn't remember, he'd been extremely exhausted though, he did remember that.

He slid out of bed, careful not to wake Ashton as he threw on a shirt and some pants and left the room. A walk would be nice, clear his head. What the hell was that weird nightmare, anyway? He shivered at the thought of it.

Jean groaned, sliding off his mattress and hitting the linoleum. "Iden, crack a window, will you? It's so hot in here..."

His roommate glanced over at the puddle of Jean-goo. "That won't help in here. The ceiling fan doesn't work. Get dressed and take a walk if it bothers you."

Stretching a bit, Ed stood at the end of the hallway, looking out the windows that overlooked the lawn below. He sighed. Not a damn thing about last night made any sense. And it had started to piss him off.

Iden watched Jean ooze over to the window. "Honestly. You're acting like a two-year old –"

"Someone's throwing a party in one of the theme houses," the blonde remarked distractedly, trying to wrench open the window. "Be a dear and prop the door open with my calculus book, will you?"

Opting to get out of the dorm, but not walk so far as to get lost, Ed wandered off again. Before long, he found himself outside. With a sigh, he wandered over to the railing, now closer to the lawn below. Looking up, he noted it was a new moon. "Dammit...this sucks..."

Jean finally managed to pry the window open, hanging his entire upper body out of the building – no screens. "Jesus Christ, why is it about thirty degrees cooler out here?"

"I told you, go take a walk. If you keep annoying me, I'll throw you out the window."

A slight breeze picked up, and Ed shivered. Maybe he should've brought a jacket... Impulsively, he rubbed his right shoulder.

"Hey! Cool!" Jean climbed out of the window, perching on the wide portico on the quadside of the building. "Perfect place for shooting waterballoons!"

"You're_ not_ stealing a bra from some hapless woman, Jean!" Iden snapped, poking his head out the window.

"Damn right I'm not. I'll ask Ashton to nick one for me. Be back in a sec." He set off, wanting to see what was what on the outside of the building. He also wanted to see if he could cover the entrance to the Student Union with one of those big-ass waterguns.

Ed slid down the railing into a seated position, legs dangling over the sides between the bars. He tried to remember the nightmare, rummaging up bits and pieces.. He'd been able to remember almost all of it when he'd gotten out of bed, but now it was mostly a blur.

Jean got to the edge of the roofing, or about where it began to slope downwards. The kids over at the French themehouse were partying like no tomorrow, and it was giving him a headache.

He had meant to be careful. He really had. Just... roofs are slick when your head hurts. Luckily, he managed to jam his foot in the gutter and stop the slide. "I am a lucky, lucky man..."

Hearing mumbling, Ed lifted his head, glancing to his left. Upon spotting the unique mop of spiky light blonde, he blinked. "Jean...?" He paused, something stirring in his memory that he definitely didn't remember being there before. He found it rather odd that despite never having said the other's name before, it didn't feel at all foreign on his tongue. Quite the opposite, actually, and it was sort of freaky...

Jean ran a hand through his hair, peering through the darkness in Ed's voice's general direction. "Yo?"

_"What _in the_ hell_ are you doing!"

"Scouting out the territory for waterballoon and SuperSoaker sniping." He looked ruefully down at his foot. "And almost falling off the roof."

"Damn idiot..." Ed mumbled, turning back to face the lawn again.

Jean took his foot out, drawing his legs up. The night air felt good on his bare shoulders and chest. "So what are you doing out here, gopher-boy?"

"Nightmare kept me up..." Ed wondered absently to himself why he bothered to tell that to Jean. He also wondered why, like Jean's name, the term 'gopher-boy' didn't really seem as though it was misplaced. The idea hit him that he might just be saying it because Jean had told him why he was out here. For some reason, the term 'equivalent exchange' came to mind. Where had he heard that before?

"H'm. Yeah, I can understand that. Been there, done that, bought the coffee mug." Jean rested his chin on his knees. "Nightmares are hell, especially if you've already lived 'em." There was an old ache in his voice.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Despite the question, Ed felt like he understood.

"Ask me later. That's one thing that I _really_ don't want to talk about right now. Hell, it hasn't even been six months."

"Watch me forget to ever ask again." Ed laughed a bit. It was starting to bother him how familiar just the sounds of their voices in the dark felt.

"Hey, I won't complain. Though..." Jean's voice became softer, more introspective. "I wonder if it would help if I talked to someone who understood..."

_"_Maybe..." Ed lifted his head, looking back over at Jean again.

"Gaaah..." The taller man scruffed up his hair in a boyish gesture. "It's too nice a night to be thinking about that!"

Edward just blinked. "I guess so..." It was curious, the more time he spent with Jean, the more something, somewhere, just felt like it was right. He felt more relaxed right now than he had all week, but he kept getting the feeling he was missing something.

Jean flopped flat on his back, wiggling at the touch of cold slate on bare skin. "Iden's probably going to be furious at me when I get back. He's already threatened to punt me out the window."

"I just hope Ashton doesn't find out I'm gone. He'd probably ask Iden, then find out you were gone too, and then make embarrassing assumptions..." Ed felt the slightest bit of heat rising to his cheeks at the thought of it. Yeah, Fawkes would probably tease him about--he shook the thought out of his head, a bit more flushed than he had been a few seconds prior.

"Iden may be pretty and blonde, but he's got one hell of a brain. He'd probably just say that I was in the bathroom or something." Jean got up. "Hey, you want to come back to my room for a bit?"

Ed blinked, dredging his mind back up out of his rapidly crashing and burning train of thought. "Uh...I guess so, it beats going back to my room, finding Fawkes awake, and being questioned as to who I was out having fun with at this hour..."

Jean grinned. "All right. Meet you back there." He got up and began feeling his way back to his window.

Standing up and stretching, Ed walked back the way he came. By the time he reached Jean's room, he'd drawn himself into a predicament. He'd assumed he would have to knock, but that might wake up Ashton, and what if Jean hadn't made it back yet and he had to explain to Iden just why he was knocking on their door at nearly three in the morning, and what if...

Jean climbed through the window, straight into a glaring Iden. "You went out. Without a shirt or shoes? You could have been hurt!"

"Oh, cool it. Ed's going to visit for a bit, by the way. He had a nightmare and I think he wants some time away from his roommate."

"Fine." Iden climbed into his bed, curling up like an offended cat. "If that's the case, he's probably already at the door."

Finally giving up on worries, Ed just knocked. Quietly, though. He _seriously_ didn't want Ashton to wake up and...god he'd never hear the end of _that_...

"Come on in," Jean called, rummaging around for a clean shirt. The scar on his side would be difficult to explain – oh, what the hell. "Door's open."

Ed opened the door and slipped inside, careful to close it quietly. He absently took down his hair for a moment to redo the ponytail. That done, he glanced around. No, it wasn't any different, just the same room as he'd been in the night before. He fidgeted with the end of his ponytail a bit. "Ah...thanks for...uh...letting me stay for a little while...I guess.."

"Don't mention it. What are friends for, if not to take care of you." Jean was perched on his bed, still shirtless, a hand covering his left side from the hip up. "We have a futon and sleeping bag if you want to crash here."

Blinking, Ed shook his head. "I'd never live down the implications once Ashton found out..." Despite himself, he felt like he was most definitely blushing slightly. Dammit. One glance at Jean probably made the blush just the slightest bit worse, and damn was it hard to ignore. He abruptly sat, letting his bangs fall in his face. Dammit, what the fuck is wrong with me!

"Dear god, I'll just say I found you passed out in the bathroom and hauled you back here. Besides," he added, a plaintive note in his voice, "he won't hassle you with me, Iden, Aiden, and Aiden's roommate on his tail."

"As much as that is meant to comfort me, you don't quite know him as well as I do...he'd do it anyway." Ed rubbed the back of his head, then looked up at the ceiling, not sure what to say and feeling awfully out of place.

"I know that! And don't call me 'kid' I'm no younger than you are!"

"Actually, you're probably older," Jean said with a grin. He leaned over, digging out the futon from beneath his bed and scooting it into the middle of the room. He sat back, crossing his arms behind his head. "Sit down. You're running on adrenaline."

Wondering why he'd been told to sit down, when he was already sitting, Ed found he'd stood up again. With a shrug, he did as directed, flopping down on the futon and bringing his knees to his chest. Unsurprisingly, he couldn't think of anything to say.

"Good boy. You can follow orders. Now, let's see if you can get this one: get some sleep."

Ed managed a half-assed glare. "I'm not tired." he lied, his inability to hold back a yawn proof of it.

Jean just lifted an eyebrow.

Blinking, Ed just stared. "What're you lookin' at me so funny for..."

"Do I have to hit you over the head for you to get some sleep?"

Gazing up at Jean, Ed's expression softened into something a bit sad. An unfamiliar longing ached in his chest, and he wasn't sure why.

Jean shifted uncomfortably under Ed's scrutiny. There was something strange about those amber eyes of his, almost as if they knew something he didn't...

Realizing he was staring, Ed flopped down on his back on the futon, averting his gaze towards the ceiling. "I'm not that eager to go back to sleep and back to that dream..."

"Maybe you won't have it again," Jean suggested, tossing a pillow down. "Some nightmares are one-shot deals. Have you ever had it before?"

"No..." Ed caught the pillow, tucking it under his head and glancing at Jean again. "Maybe you're right.."

"Course I am," the taller blonde said with a grin. "You want sheets before I turn out the light?"

"Nah, I'm fine.."

"Suit yourself." Jean slid off his bed, padding silently over to the lightswitch. "Night, Iden."

"Sod off," his grumpy roommate said drowsily. "And turn off the lights while you're at it..."

Lights out, Ed continued to stare at the ceiling until his eyes adjusted again. "Hey, Jean?"

There was a soft rustle and slither as Jean slid back into bed. "Yeah?"

"Thanks again..."

"No problem, Ed."

Closing his eyes, Ed did his best to try and get some sleep.

_------------_

_Stupid alarm..._ Jean groped blindly for his alarm clock, trying to shut off the annoying jazz music that WHIO insisted on playing at some ungodly hour of the morning. "Fuck..."

Having finally managed to doze off sometime within the last hour or so, Ed continued to sleep as if nothing was going on at all. It had mostly been too much to think about that had kept him up so long.

Jean finally managed to shut off the radio and slid out of bed. He began moving towards the door, only to be met with a rather... odd roadblock. "OUCH!"

Rolling back over onto his back, Ed mumbled something incoherent in his sleep, still out like a light despite the disturbance(and the bruise that probably left on his leg).

Jean spent a minute readjusting to the fact that one Edward Elric was out like a light on his floor and the fact that his side hurt like a bitch. Iden was still conked out (thank god). He struggled to his feet. Damn. Looked like his scar would have yet another lovely bruise to add. Staggering to the door, he made plans to stop by the medical center later.

Ed rolled back over on his side yet again, curling up in a ball. "Jean..." Rolling completely over onto his other side, he mumbled something else incoherent.

Jean paused, looking back. The kid was still dead asleep... the hell?

Ed sighed, settling on his back again, though his shirt had started to ride up from all the rolling. "Please...just this once..." He lapsed into incoherent mumbling again, though Jean's name popped up once or twice more.

Jean left. Really, really quickly. Ed's little dream/fantasy/thing freaked him out.

"You look like you've seen a ghost...or something considerably more explicit..." Ashton spoke up when Jean didn't even notice him standing just outside the door.

Jean jumped about three inches before he got himself reoriented. "Nightmare," he replied, angling the left side of his still half-bare body away from the prying man. "You know how those get."

"A nightmare involving Ed, perhaps? Would you like me to collect him for you?" A grin spread across Ashton's face, amused at the way he'd made him jump.

"None of your business," Jean replied shortly, eyes shading every so slightly to green in annoyance.

"Touchy..." The redhead purred. "I'll just have to talk to him later once he gets back then..."

"I'll be sure to tell him that if I see him." Jean edged around Ashton.

"Where you headed?" It was only natural that Ashton was going to follow Jean, whether the blonde liked it or not.

"Bathroom. I need to put cold water on something."

Ashton quirked a brow, grin not lessening. "Is that so..."

"Oh, for Christ's sake!" Jean stalked off, highly irritated. Yes, he knew precisely what Ashton was thinking. Bloody perv.

"I'm just fucking with you, you know that, right?" And there he was, still following him.

"I'll refrain from commenting," Jean said, voice tart. He pushed into the boy's bathroom, grabbing a washcloth out of his bath kit.

"So what time did you two meet up last night, anyway?"

"What do you mean?" Jean ran cold water over the cloth, then pressed it against his bruised side.

"It doesn't take a genius to know he's in your room, Jean..." Ashton rubbed his left eye. God it was being bitchy lately.

"Why the hell do you care?" Next time he was going to shove Ed underneath his bed – the gopher would be able to fit if he moved his trunk out of he way... goddamn, his side hurt.

"He's not _supposed_ to be in _your_ room... He's _supposed_ to be in _mine_..." Perhaps there was a bit of a possessive note in the words, perhaps not.

"He'll sleep wherever he damn well pleases," Jean retorted. He suddenly felt protective of the other boy. "You want a toy, go find someone else."

That earned a chuckle, and Ashton shook his head. "He's not a toy, Jean... I've never once considered him such..."

"Well, that's one good thing."

Ashton shrugged. "I suppose... Why do you stand up for him, you've known him for less than twenty four hours now..."

"Again, why do you care? Scared that I'm subverting him or something?" Jean checked his side and made a face.

"I'm just curious, is all..." The redhead leaned back against the wall, watching Jean's every movement closely. "Why do_ you_ care about _him_?"

"Why not? He's not exactly complaining, and it's nice to have someone who understands you but doesn't interfere." He felt around the injury, wincing. Whatever he had fallen on must have been made out of galvanized steel or something.

"He's not usually like that..." Ashton winced, moving to the mirror to check his left eye. Felt like he got a grain of sand in it or something.

Jean watched him. "What's wrong with you?"

"Something in my eye..." Ashton blinked a few more times, then turned his head to look at Jean. "Is there a problem with that?"

"Just being nosey," the blonde said mildly, still prodding at his side.

Once he'd fished the tiny particle out, Ashton shook his head, letting his hair fall back in place, albeit covering his left eye a bit less than usual. "I noticed..."

"Another question for you, while we're at it."

"What's that?" Ashton, rubbed his eye a bit again, facing Jean.

"What happened to your eye? I noticed earlier that it looked a bit funky."

"Gang fight." Ashton shrugged. "And usually people say 'creepy' rather than 'funky'..."

"Well, excuse me for having a differing opinion," Jean replied, wringing out his washcloth.

Shrugging again, the redhead turned back to the mirror, looking at his left eye. "Personally I'm surprised they didn't just remove the eye...it just got a scratch on it so it's not like I can see out of it or anything.."

"Would you prefer to be walking around with an eyepatch for the rest of your life?"

"Even if they gave me one I wouldn't wear it. Having my eye sewn shut doesn't sound very pleasant, but it probably wouldn't freak people out as much as this white-eye effect."

"Since when did you care?" Jean asked sardonically.

"I don't." Ashton turned back to the blonde again, grinning. "You ever have your hair getting in your eyes all the time and it's only because you can see it that it really bothers you?"

"My hair's never been long enough to get into my eyes."

"Ah...well it's annoying, but now that I can't see it, the hair in my eye doesn't bother me like it used to." Ashton shrugged yet again. "So what happened to your side anyway?"

"Car accident. I just got the stitches taken out a week or so ago." Jean put his hand protectively over the injury.

"I see..." Ashton looked up at the ceiling. "You know, it's really weird that we're just standing around talking in the boys' bathroom."

"Your point?"

"Don't have one."

"All right, then." Jean tossed the cloth back into his kit and started moving off towards the door.

Silent for the time being, Ashton followed.

Jean sighed. "Are you going to follow me into my room, too?"

"Ed did, didn't he?" The redhead grinned.

_"_No," Jean said shortly. "He didn't."

"I guess it wouldn't be considered following you if you invited him in then..."

"I didn't invite anything. I merely suggested."

"Whatever you say, Jean.." Ashton just kept on grinning to himself.

"Why don't you believe me?"

"It's not that I don't believe you... It's more along the lines that I don't believe him."

Jean frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing really..." Ashton smirked slightly. "Just from his behavior last night I could tell something was up. He never acts that way around anybody, you know.. Maybe I just know him too well, or maybe I just pay too much attention to those sorts of things, but honestly I think there's something _about_ you that's gotten him all confused."

"And that's why you're plaguing me constantly? Because Ed's acting a little funny? Throw the other one, Ashton."

"If I told you that you'd probably freak out."

"Try me. With some of the crap I've been through, I don't freak easily." At his door, Jean turned to face Ashton.

Shaking his head, Ashton looked at Jean. "I don't know...if you really want to know that, though..."

Jean's eye twitched. "Why are you being so goddamn cagey?"

"Fine...if you really want to know, I'll tell you..." Ashton stepped up to Jean, fingertips resting on the blonde's cheek. "I don't know what it is about you...you're different... You're an attractive man, Jean, there's no denying that, but it's something else about you that's just screaming for my attention..."

He leaned closer, almost to the point where their lips were touching, just shy of half an inch away, before turning his head the slightest bit to whisper in Jean's ear. "I know when I've found something I want..." With that, he backed off, opting to return to his own room for a while to wait for Ed to get back, turning his back to Jean. _I've got the feeling he's going to get to you first, though...maybe he already has..._

Severely creeped out, Jean let himself into his room to do some heavy-duty panicking.

"Told you..." Ashton chuckled, closing his door.

Jean slid down the door, head in hands. He noticed, rather distantly, that Iden wasn't there... must have gone off to get breakfast... "Oh, my god," he moaned._ This can't be happening. It's a nightmare, I'll wake up, slam off the alarm clock and get yelled at by Iden..._

Ed stirred slightly, rolling over onto his stomach and shoving his face into the pillow to block the light.

_I'm waiting..._ The alarm clock didn't go off. Jean struggled to his feet, tripping over Ed in his halting move towards the window.

Ed grumbled something about killing somebody and pushed himself up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and blinking to clear his vision. The first thing he noticed was that Jean was still not wearing a shirt.

Jean aborted his move towards the window, instead opting to crawl under his covers and not come out until the world went back to normal.

Blinking, Ed pulled the pillow into his lap, turning towards the bed. "Uh...Jean? You okay?"

"NO!"

Ed cringed slightly. "You don't have to yell at me, you know... What's wrong?"

Jean burrowed deeper into the covers on his bed. "I'd like the world to make sense for a bit... Ashton... basically..." he cut off with a whimper.

Ed's brow furrowed at the mention of his roommate's name. "What did he do this time?" Ed felt the urge to comfort Jean, coupled with the rising urge to seriously maim Ashton.

"I don't know... that's the weird part..." Jean shivered, curling tighter around himself. "He's... out..."

Ed frowned. "Son of a bitch.." It bothered Ed severely to see Jean acting this way, even though he wasn't sure why. A little worry would be normal but this was a bit much. And he really wanted to punch Ashton in the face just for coming near Jean, and that confused him even more. He stood, reaching out and then hesitating, finally placing his hand on the taller blonde's shoulder. "I know how he can be...sorry to get you dragged into this..."


	3. Love Is an Accident

Love Is an Accident

**Rating**: Well, language warning, and some sexual innuendo.

†

Once he'd gotten himself fed, Edward had wandered around the campus for about an hour before finally returning to his room to face Ashton once he'd calmed down a bit. Well, at least he was a little calm, despite the fact that each step back to his room replenished his anger.

He hesitated, hand on the doorknob, as he glanced back over his shoulder at the room across the hall. Grip tightening minutely, he entered the room.

"About time you got back... Have fun last night?"

Ed wasted no time in hauling Fawkes off the bed and shoving him back against a wall. "What the hell did you _do_ to him!"

"I haven't a clue what you're insinuating, Edward..." The grin on Ashton's face suggested otherwise.

"Don't give me that crap, Fawkes! What in the fucking hell did you do to Jean!" The blonde's grip tightened in Ashton's shirt as he resisted the urge to just start beating the shit out of him.

"I just told him what he wanted to know, Ed... I see nothing wrong with that..." Despite the situation, Ashton remained as calm as ever. "It wasn't as if I didn't _warn_ him, so you could say it was his fault..."

Ed gritted his teeth, golden eyes furious. "What did you say to him..."

With a twist and a flip, Ashton had Ed up against the wall, hands pinned above his head. He kept Ed's hands down with one of his own, the other tracing fingertips lightly against the boy's cheek. "I know when I've found something I want, Edward... Do you remember those words...?"

Ed tried to wriggle free, but couldn't. His eyes widened at Ashton's words, shaking his head and struggling even more. "Let me _go_, Fawkes! I'll scream! Don't you fucking _dare_!"

Ashton's grin broadened as he watched Ed squirm. "You're not quite in the position to be making orders, Ed..." The second the boy opened his mouth, Fawkes struck, muffling any attempt at vocalization with lips and tongue.

Eyes clenched shut, Ed tried to resist, tried to break free but couldn't. Despite the wasted effort he continued to struggle, only to have Ashton's body pressed more firmly against his. He refused to cry out when given a chance to breathe, refused to scream to satisfy the sick bastard feeling him up, no matter how much he wanted to.

"You sure you want to meet Ashton?" Jean asked Luce.

Aiden's roommate rolled his eyes. "The horror story notwithstanding, it would be rude to ask Ed to come with us without also inviting his roommate."

"You're asking for it," the blonde said, knocking.

Ashton paused, chuckling a bit and nipping Ed's ear. "How fortunate for you..." He released the blonde, moving to open the door as if nothing had just happened. "Ah, Jean, what's up?"

Ed leaned against the wall, staring in shock at the open door and the blue-eyed blonde just past Ashton. It was only a matter of moments before he shoved his roommate aside and bowled into Jean, clinging tightly. "_Thank god..._" His voice barely managed to get higher than a whisper.

"Ah –!" Jean's arms went automatically around Ed's shoulders, almost protective. "Luce wanted to know if you could go out and do something with him – his roommate apparantly finds you amusing, so he wanted to meet you."

Luce pushed his wild mop of long white hair away from his face, looking Ashton up and down appraisingly. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Lucifer, but most people call me Luce for obvious reasons."

"Sorry about that, don't know what came over him, Jean.." Ashton looked to Luce, grin returning. "Nice to meet you too, I'm Ashton, and that's Ed," he motioned to the slightly trembling, ponytailed blonde.

Ed simply fisted his hands in the back of Jean's shirt, a few harsh tears managing to leak their way out of his tightly shut eyes from where his face was buried against the taller blonde's chest.

Luce inclined his head. "I was going to go poke around in the university library and museum; apparently, Miskatonic had the world's largest collection of occult books and artifacts. Would you like to join me?"

Jean gently rubbed Ed's back, soothing.

"Sounds fun!" Ashton perked up at this bit of information.

Ed cringed the slightest bit. It always disturbed him how easily the redhead just pretended like nothing happened. He _would_, though, wouldn't he...damn bastard...

"I'm going to go find the twins," Jean piped up. "One of them has a book I want to read." He waved at the other two. "Have fun, guys. I heard that there's a copy of some really old books down there. I expect you to bring me back a list!"

Luce laughed, grabbing Ashton's wrist. "Come on. I want to go see some of the idols."

Nodding, Ashton allowed himself to be dragged along without so much as sparing a glance back at Edward.

Jean gently peeled the boy away, tilting his chin up to look at him. "Hey... you all right?"

"Do I look alright..." A few more tears fell, a bit easier now that Ashton was gone. Ed's knees threatened to give out right then and there, and he swayed slightly.

"Hey, calm down." Jean spoke gently, kindly. "Let's go back to my room. I think you'll be more comfortable there, right?"

Ed managed to nod, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "Alright..."

Jean gently guided Ed through, setting him on his bunk and sitting next to him. "What happened, kiddo?"

"Fawkes..."

"It's almost disturbing how descriptive that is..." Jean rubbed Ed's back. "You think you'll be okay, or do you want to camp out here for a while?"

Ed closed his eyes and leaned against Jean's shoulder. "Just hold me... It feels safe when I'm with you..." He slid his arms around Jean's waist. "I don't even know why I'm saying this...But please...just this once even...just hold me so I feel safe again..."

Jean's arms encircled the boy protectively. Even though Ed was probably older, he still felt responsible for the cute little ball of misfortune. "You'll be okay," he murmured, smoothing down Ed's hair. "Iden and I are here for you, so if you ever need anything you can come find one of us."

"You're the only one that matters, Jean... You're the only one I feel safe with..." _Because you're different from them..._ Is that why? _Because you're somehow familiar.._ Maybe for that reason? _Because maybe I'm falling in love..._ Am I?

Mutely, Jean's arms tightened. He had no idea why he felt like he had to be there, but he was more than willing to take care if the young man clinging almost desperately to him. Something clicked into place inside and it just felt _right_, even if he didn't know why, even if he didn't know what it was.

Lifting his head, Ed looked up at Jean, golden eyes searching. For what, he didn't even know, but he was certain that if he found it, he would know. Even if it wasn't quite clear then what it was.

Jean gave a cocky grin, the corner of his mouth quirking slightly. "You're staying in here, gopher boy, and I will personally throw Ashton out the window if he bothers you within fifty feet of me."

Ed wasn't quite sure that was what he'd been looking for, but it was definitely a step in the right direction. A somewhat tired smile made its way onto his face, the thought of Ashton being flung out of a window actually quite amusing. "It's...kind of funny though... We just met each other yesterday..." He looked off to the side a bit. "I mean...uh...hell I don't know what the fuck I mean..."

Jean shrugged. "Then leave it until you do know. Hell, I don't know what's going on myself; first we were at one another's throats, now..." The smile turned soft. "I think I like this better anyhow."

Ed blushed slightly when he looked at Jean again, not quite sure what to make of that.

"Feeling better?"

"What if I said no?" It wasn't all a lie, just the thought of what had happened made him almost sick with rage.

"Well..." Jean pretended to think for a minute. "Then I'd have to drag you out and _make_ you feel better."

Ed blinked a bit. "And if I said yes?"

"Haven't thought that far ahead," Jean said frankly. "I was counting on 'no' because you honestly looked like hell back there."

"Well what if I don't want to get dragged out to do stuff?" Ed just pouted.

"Too bad."

"But what if we run into Ashton..." Aside from the fact that dammit, he wanted to stay _right here_, Ed definitely wasn't looking forward to seeing that man's face again.

"Well... is there anything you want me to do to help cheer you up?"

"Uh..." A lot of disturbing thoughts came to mind, which had Ed wondering just what the hell was wrong with him. He shook his head and stared at the floor in the meantime, trying to force the thoughts back down before he blurted something stupid.

Jean scooted back so he was resting comfortably against the wall. "I have some coffee if you'd like..."

"Nah, I'm fine.." Ed glanced over his shoulder at Jean, then scooted back as well, once more leaning slightly against the taller blonde's shoulder. Golden eyes seemed a bit distant, though, the kind of look that's in between focus. Edward was thinking, and that wasn't always a good thing.

ean spared a glance at Ed. "Er... you're scaring me. What are you thinking about?"

"Huh...ah! Nothing!" A blush spread quickly across Ed's face as he shook his head furiously.

Jean's eyebrow popped up and he shook his head slightly.

"Sorry, you just startled me is all.." Well, it was at least half true.

"You lie like a mattress."

"..." Ed huffed slightly, turning to half-heartedly glare at Jean.

"What?" Blue eyes contrived to look innocent. "You do."

"So what, it's not like you'd be interesting in what I was thinking about anyway!"

The puppy eyes grew bigger.

Ed scooted over a bit. "... that's just kind of freaky... really, you don't want to know..."

"All right, all right. I give up. I learned my lesson."

Pulling his knees up to his chest, Ed sighed. Something inside hurt, and he wasn't sure why.

Jean decided to let Ed be. He slid down slightly, sighing as his back crunched slightly.

Reasons still unknown, Ed _really_ felt like crying. Hugging his legs more tightly, he hid his face against his knees. Why did it hurt so much, anyway? None of it made any sense to him.

Closing his eyes, Jean sighed internally. The kid was taking things harder than he should... it really wasn't healthy... at this rate, Ed would burn out too quickly. His hand gently crept over and touched Ed's.44

Ed flinched, lifting his head just enough to glance down at Jean's hand. _If you knew how these things made me feel...would you still continue?_

"Don't worry about it," Jean said tranquilly, eyes still closed. "You'll hurt yourself at this rate."

_The only thing that's hurting me right now is not knowing..._ Ed felt the tears welling in his eyes, the tightness in his chest, wondered if he'd ever know the reason.

"You're not relaxing..."

_I can't..._ Ed knew that if he spoke, his voice would crack.

Jean's eyes finally opened, registering only slight shock at Ed's distressed face. "Ed, what's wrong?"

Ed shook his head, causing a few tears to fall. Looking away from Jean, he rested his head against his knees again. "I can't tell you that.."

"Why not? Can't I worry about you?"

"It's..." Ed paused. Truthfully, what _was_ it? Did he even _know_? "I..." he choked on his words, tears stinging his eyes. What was he supposed to say? _You don't know what you're doing to me.. I don't know what you're doing to me..._

Jean slid off the bed. "Come on. Lie down. You're tired and you're stressed and you need rest."

"I don't need rest, I slept enough.." Ed kept his face hidden against his knees.

Jean snorted. "Well, it's something. Food, rest, coffee, _something_. You're making me depressed."

"It would probably be better if I just went back to my room.." Ed scooted to the edge of the bed and stood up, trying to wipe his eyes.

Jean said nothing, but the expression on his face communicated quite elegantly what he thought of that.

Ed looked away, making for the door. "If I stay here it's not going to get any better..."

Jean's voice was flat and noncommital. "And running away to mope about it will?"

Ed stopped, fists clenching tightly. "Do you have any idea what you're _doing_ to me?" The tears ran freely again, unsteady, nearly hiccupped breaths the closest he'd let himself get to sobs.

"I'd know if you would debase yourself enough to _tell_ me! I can't read minds!"

"What the hell am I supposed to say!" Ed turned around to face Jean again, as much as it hurt, as much as the pain showed. "I _saw_ your reaction to Fawkes how the hell do I know you won't do the same thing to me!" Sure the comparison was probably stupid, he wasn't _like_ Ashton, but still... "I'm...afraid of that kind of pain..."

"Ed, get a clue. Please. Do you _see_ me running away and hiding? You're in my room, you were on my _bed_. You're nothing like him. You're... different."

"I _know_ that but..." Ed shook his head. Everything was just happening too fast for his brain to comprehend, it was starting to make his head hurt. This longing was strange to him, as if he _wanted_ Jean to come to him, wanted to _feel_ those arms around him again, wanted it to be okay...

Jean moved up to Ed, putting gentle hands on his shoulders. "Look, gopher-boy. I'm not going to run screaming from you. Just relax and let things happen the way they decide to happen. You panicking about this, that, or the other thing won't help our relationship if you decide to have one with me."

Looking up, Ed wiped his eyes again. Tears nearly run dry, eyes red and somewhat painful, and a slightly sleepy haze falling over him, he practically fell forward against Jean, arms around his waist. His eyes focused somewhere else, off to the side and slightly fuzzy. "Is it wrong of me to feel this way about someone I've only just met..."

"Judgement call," Jean said gently. "That's something I can't answer. Maybe you'll figure it out later."

"What about you... What about what you feel..." Ed's eyes closed halfway, still staring blankly at the wall and seeing but a blur.

Jean shifted his grip and lifted Ed up – for all the boy's muscle, he was still fairly light – and deposited him on his bed. "I think," the taller blonde said slowly. "That I feel that you should get some rest and just trust me, all right? I'd like to let you keep me..." His hand settled lightly on Ed's forehead. "Just relax. I'll stick close by if you need anything."

Ed frowned slightly. "But that's not what I was asking..."

"Hey, I really have no idea what's going on right now, whereas you do. It may be vague, but at least you have one. Me..." Jean grinned charmingly and shrugged. "I'll figure it out sooner or later, when things aren't so raw."

Ed looked up at Jean, managing a tired little smile. "Jean...promise me at least one thing?"

"M'hm?"

"When I wake up...hold me again like you did before..."

A faint blush of pink tinged Jean's cheeks. "All right. I promise."

"Thank you..." Ed closed his eyes, letting exhaustion take over and drag him into sleep.

––––––––––––––––

_There was more detail, the dull, muted greys and browns of a forgotten warehouse, the weak gleaming of ancient metal, the echoes of an empty room. The weight in his arms was the same, still pinning him down to the ground unnaturally. He could look down now, seeing a familiar tumble of messy blonde hair – it was darker though, and the face beneath it was pale and bloody. Blood oozed from the corpse's mouth and from its back, the clear, beautiful, sky-blue eyes glassy and dead._

_The thing in his head pounded and screamed, and he screamed back, the sight of the dead man tearing his heart to shreds. He didn't want to give up, but he was already gone and the thing knew it._

Ed stirred in his sleep, restless, tearing himself away from the nightmare with a scream as he jerked into a sitting position, head pounding and breaths heavy and quick. He noted the tear trails down to his ears, and barely heard the whisper that tumbled off his tongue automatically. "_Jean..._"

Jean dropped the book he was holding and was on his feet before he even registered it. "Ed... are you all right?" he asked, sitting on the bed and pulling the boy into a hug automatically.

Trembling, Ed's hands clutched Jean's shirt even as he felt new tears welling in his eyes. "It was..just a dream, right?"

"What was just a dream?"

"It was just a dream...that...couldn't be a memory...but it was so _real_..." Ed clung tighter, trying to shut out the images that presented themselves so boldly in his mind. "It was screaming at me... '_He's dead! He's dead! Let me out!_'"

Jean was genuinely worried now. "Ed... what on...? Who's dead?" Sky-blue eyes looked down at the boy, eyebrows drawn together in worry. "Are you okay?"

"Nobody's dead, it was just a dream..." Ed shook his head. "You're not dead you're right here! _Why did it feel so real!_"

Something inside Jean froze solid. "I... I don't know..." His voice was thick and unsteady.

At the sound of Jean's voice, Ed lifted his head, trying to wipe his eyes. "...Jean...?"

Jean managed to scrape together a passable smile for the boy in his arms. "Nothing. Old trauma. It'll wear off."

"Jean...I..." Ed slipped his arms around Jean's waist, pulling himself closer. "It felt like my heart was being torn right out of my chest..."

"Well," Jean said, trying to be lighthearted. "I think it's still there right now." Trying to relieve the discomfort against his left side, Jean finally pulled Ed into his lap, looping smaller boy's arms around his neck. "You seem in one piece to me, at any rate."

Ed couldn't help but blush slightly. "I...g-guess s-so..."

Catching the blush, Jean finally decided to enlighten Ed. "Look, when you have your arms around my waist, it hurts. This is the most comfortable for me."

"S-sorry.." Ed looked down, changed his mind, looked up, shook his head and just looked forward. "It's not that...I mean..."

Jean tried not to grin.

This action only succeeded in making Ed blush more. He made his best attempt at looking miffed. "What, dammit! What the hell is so funny!"

"You're cute when you're pissed," Jean said, gently teasing.

Ed just stared, not quite sure what to say but blushing even more nonetheless. "U..uh...um..."

Jean grinned, though his eyes were sober. "Sorry. That was rude."

Ed sighed and shook his head, leaning forward to rest his chin on Jean's shoulder. "I don't know what to do about all this..."

"Then don't do anything."

"But I want to do something... I want..." Ed shifted a bit in Jean's lap to get more comfortable, tilting his head a bit while still resting it on Jean's shoulder. "It's not my place to ask such things..."

"Who said it's not? Don't jump to conclusions, kiddo."

Ed smiled slightly, thinking. "Hey, Jean? Have you ever been with somebody before?"

"Define 'with somebody,'" Jean said roughly, the old ache reasserting itself.

The change in Jean's voice didn't go unnoticed and Ed hesitated. "Nevermind it...it's not important anyway...I...sorry..."

"No... it's... I probably should have told you."

"You don't have to if you don't want to..." The smaller blonde nuzzled his face up against Jean's neck. "I've almost always been alone, friends included...so I was just curious is all..."

"Well, I did say that I'd tell you at some point..." Jean sighed. "I just don't know how to tell you."

"Then don't...wait until you know how.." Ed suggested, closing his eyes.

"I don't know... it's always hard to describe that kind of thing..." Jean rested his cheek against Ed's hair. "It was prom night. Alyssa and I were having fun, she looked great, and we were coming home to relax because we didn't want to go to after-prom. I was driving... and... some drunk football player ran a red light and slammed into the passenger's side... Alyssa was killed and I was hurt pretty badly..." He broke off with a ragged sigh.

"Sorry..."

"S'okay."

Ed let the silence hang for a while, thinking to himself.

"Sorry if I'm awkward...I'm...not used to these kinds of things you know..." He finally decided to just swallow his pride. "I...I want things from you and I don't fully understand why... I say things that I don't even know the reason for... I don't even know what I'm doing here..."

Almost imperceptibly, Jean's mood lightened. "That makes two of us," he murmured.

Ed's hands clutched at the back of Jean's shirt. "I can still feel his tongue in my mouth..." He cringed. "I _hate_ it... Why won't it go away..."

Jean blinked. "Ed," he said cautiously, "what, precisely, was Ashton doing to you?"

"It...He hadn't done anything like that for almost a year now..." Ed skirted the question. "I don't want to say what... I just want that feeling to go away... Replace it with something better, I don't know..."

"Ed." Jean's voice was serious, one that said Pay Attention Now. "What do you want from me right now?" If Ed wasn't going to say anything voluntarily, he'd just have to force the issue.

Ed froze. _I...want you to do what he does... It's different if I want it, right?_ "I..." How was he supposed to say that? "If I said what it is I want...would you do it at all? If you did...would it be because I asked or because you wanted to?" He lifted his head, resting his chin once more on Jean's shoulder. "I don't want you to do something for me just because I asked..."

"How the hell am I supposed to answer that?" Jean asked.

Shifting his weight again, Ed sighed. "I want you to hold me, kiss me, _love_ me even, but I don't want you to do anything just because I want you to..." He moved back the slightest bit, looking down. "I want to be with you...I want to know what it's like to be loved like that... If you don't want to give me that then the only thing I can ask is that you let me stay near you still..."

He didn't want to look up, was afraid to hear what words might come next, afraid to see how Jean reacted to that. But most of all, Edward was afraid of what might happen if Jean said no.

Jean stayed silent for a long time, trying to sort things out. "I'm more inclined to say 'yes' than 'no' to you," he said reflectively. "But isn't this a little quick? You... weren't exactly this way when I first me you." He lifted Ed's chin, studying his face with eyes that looked far older. "There's something there about you. I'm not sure what it is, and I don't think you know either. But I'm willing to stick around and help you find out. I refuse to be pushed. I'm still not ready for a relationship with the depth of what you want, not this close to her death. But I'll try to give you everything else you need." His expression relaxed into an easy smile. "I can't say no, not to you, and not like this."

_I can't explain why, but it feels like I've known you for a lot longer than I have... And everything about you feels so right, I can't just let that go... All I know for sure is that I want this.._ Resituating himself to straddle Jean's waist, Ed pulled the taller blonde into a kiss that was neither rough nor exactly gentle. The feeling of some lost part of himself returning, something missing before but now almost whole, he closed his eyes tightly and wished it would never end.


	4. Recipe for Disaster

Recipe for Disaster

**Rating**: Hell if I know anymore. I'm going to balloon it up to R for blatant sexual references and also because I have a fairly good idea of what's coming next.

†

"So how are our two lovebirds this fine Saturday morning?"

"That's not funny, Aiden," Iden said, buried in homework.

"But it's disgustingly true, and we all know it." Aiden sat down, bullying Lucifer over into another chair. "Three weeks, almost to the _day,_ since they met, and now Ed's like a goddamn pit-bullterrier whenever Jean's concerned."

"How do you mean?" the white-haired man asked, flipping over a card. "Ed seems rather quiet and pleasant – not as spiky as he used to be."

"Ha ha. Tell that to Fawkes."

"All right, so to Fawkes he's a right little terror, but still –"

"He gave Fawkes a bloody nose last night. And a really nice black eye."

Luce grinned. "Good for him."

"You're _condoning_ violence? Isn't that against your religion?"

"Technically, it's against every religion, but I'll let that pass. Fawkes is a nice guy, until he starts bothering Jean (which naturally irritates Ed) or Ed. Even then, I wouldn't mind it so much, but..." he shook his head. "There's something between those three that I don't want to even touch. The dynamics are so strong that it would physically hurt anyone stupid enough to interfere."

"That's a load of shit."

"That was mean. But I'm serious, there's something going on between those three... Ed's the only one that's consciously aware of it, but I think Ashton has a vague idea. Jean, of course, is one-hundred percent _clueless_."

"He's always clueless. My god, he has no idea that half the dorm is trying to catch his eye; he's too busy trying to keep Ed in once piece." Iden looked up, closing his geology textbook. "For all the kid's insisting that he's fine, he's remarkably fragile."

"Another nightmare?" Aiden asked sympathetically.

"Poor thing woke up screaming a couple nights ago. Jean, being the dingbat that he is, blames it on himself. Unfortunately, Ed's not exactly helping that impression, but what can one do?"

"Not much, apparently. We'll just have to let them work it out themselves and stand by in case of disaster."

"And keep Ashton distracted," one of the twins said helpfully. He continued, "The way he leers at Jean sometimes makes me uncomfortable, and I'm on the other side of the room. It's obvious that he's done something to Ed in the past, which is probably why... oh dear."

"What?"

"Do you think – this sounds so horrendously melodramatic – that Ashton is trying to get to Jean to get back at Ed for something?"

"It wouldn't surprise me," Luce remarked, shuffling his cards. "He's such a manipulative bastard when he feels like it."

"But he's probably a very nice person once one gets rid of all the sexual bullshit that he seems to be buried in."

"Dear God, I hope so. Maybe we just need to get him laid or something."

"That's a thought. But the only people he'd be willing to sleep with are Ed and Jean. Ed won't voluntarily touch him with a ten-foot pole, and Jean's still a virgin. I don't even think he knows what sex _is_."

"Aiden, you underestimate him."

"Well..."

"Why, exactly, are we on this subject?" Iden interrupted, blushing furiously.

"Oops. Sorry, there. But while we're here, I have another question."

"Oh, no..." Iden moaned, putting his head in his hands.

"Actually if you look at it a certain way, it's really interesting. Are those two gay? I mean, everyone says that gay men are unnatural, but those two are just so right for one another that it's almost freakish. Besides, didn't Jean at one point have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, but she died. But having a girl doesn't necessarily mean that someone's straight. You ought to know that better than anyone, Lucifer."

"Don't even think about it, boyo." Luce began to flip cards over.

"Well... it was a thought."

"Ashton would take my throat out. He's so bloody protective of his boy toys it's scary."

"Never mind that it's totally involuntary."

"It's never stopped him before," Aiden commented. "Iden didn't mention exactly _why_ Fawkes has the bloody nose and bruised eye. He was making a move on poor Jean when Ed walked in. _That_ is something I will never forget, never mind how much I want to."

"What, the fight or the come-on?"

"Both. Fawkes has a major problem and we need to get him out of it."

"No shit, Sherlock. 'Major problem' is one hell of an understatement, especially if Ashton is feeling Jean up during Sociology and Ed during Bio."

Luce and Iden both turned a very delicate shade of beige-green. "... not something we needed to know," Iden said faintly.

The small group lapsed into silence. Cards clicked and shuffled, pages turned, a pencil scratched across paper.

"How's Jean's rugby conditioning going?" Luce asked at length, turning over the ace of spades.

Iden huffed an annoyed sigh. "He's coming back to the dorm bruised, bloody, and tired. He's sleeping too much, not eating enough, and he can't seem finish his homework before falling asleep at least three or four times. And the Ed/Ashton situation isn't helping any, either."

Luce grinned. "I see I hit a nerve there, mother hen."

Iden was on a rant now, and refused to be stopped. "The worst part of it is, he refuses to admit that he's hurt and keeps going out with Ed, even though sometimes I _know_ it hurts him to walk!"

"Does Ed even notice?"

"No," Iden sighed, deflating. "Jean's such a good actor and liar that he can fool almost anyone after he cleans himself up. I doubt he'd let Ed even notice, considering the kid's so good at giving himself guilt trips from hell."

"Brutal, but true," Aiden commented. "Anybody know when Jean's first scrimmage is?"

"A couple of weeks from now. He'd better not break anything. I know that on Wednesday, someone hit him on his side and he was throwing up for hours afterwards."

"Why the hell isn't he going to the infirmary? That's what it's _there_ for."

"Too stubborn," Lucifer remarked, flipping over the queen of hearts. "Admitting that he's hurt is like admitting that he's weak. And if he admits that he's weak, he's admitting that he can't protect Ed."

The twins blinked at him in unison. "What?"

"I think he's still guilty about the dead girl," Luce said frankly. "It wasn't that long ago, and heaven knows that guilt is one of the three most irrational emotions ever created by man. And damn, those two have it in spades. They need a proper kick in the ass."

"All right, add that to our to-do list," Aiden said sarcastically. "Number one: Keep Ashton away from those two. Two: Kick them in the ass. Three: Get Ashton laid."

"Not precisely in that order –"

"Hell, we may not have a choice."

"So, what do we do about him? Should we just stick somebody in his room, let him vent his sexual frustration –"

"I'm not cleaning up the blood afterwards," Iden commented dryly.

" – then set about patching up the other two?"

"Sounds like a plan. When do we implement phase one?"


	5. Accidents Happen

Accidents Happen

**Rating**: I gave up on this already. I'm keeping it at R for language, Fawkes, and other things.

†

Jean teetered unsteadily on his feet, side aching and muscles screaming in protest. Rugby had been worse than usual that day, with offence/defense drills lasting well into three or four hours. It wasn't a gentle sport at even the best of times, and with desensitization drills for six or seven hours... well... it would be safe to say that he felt like shit.

He struggled gamely over to his chair, stumbling inelegantly over the futon that Ed had left out. Cursing slightly, he kicked it out of the way and collapsed into his chair.

Oh, jeezus... shinsplints, bruises, slight muscle tears, aching wrist, aching shoulder... Iden would have a fit if he could see him now...

That thought made him open his eyes, a sudden pang shooting through him. He should go to the bathroom _now_ to clean up just in case... if Ed saw him like this, the poor kid would kill himself from guilt.

But... but... a few more minutes of rest wouldn't hurt. The scrape on his forearm stung and bled, the ground-in dirt reminding him of –

_Stop. Don't go there._

He sat back with a long, suffering groan which ended in a strangled gasp as his shoulder accidentally hit the back of the chair.

"You're in quite the shape, aren't you... Do you always leave your door open, Jean?"

Ashton sat just behind the curtain on the windowledge, a thin trail of smoke leading off the cigarette he held in his right hand and out the slightly opened window. Sure, it was against the rules, but since when did things like _rules_ stop him?

"Anybody ever tell you, you look good in red?" The smirk could be heard even in his voice.

"Don't smoke in my room," Jean managed to say automatically. For one very happy moment, he was quite proud that he could even say anything. Then reality came screaming back.

Considering that a good half of his neurological functions just shut down and a good seventy-five percent of his physical functions had _been_ shut down, it was permissable that he just sat there and gaped.

"Just what praytell are you going to do about it? You look in no condition to even stand up not to mention force anything on me." Ashton blew smoke in Jean's direction, grinning. "You're too easy like that, I was hoping for a bit more of a challenge.."

Jean's good (relatively speaking) hand groped around behind him, coming to rest on _The Extravagant Universe_. With what was left of his strength, he heaved the book at Ashton. It wasn't very large or heavy, so the thud wasn't nearly as satisfying as it could have been, but it might get the job done. "Put that damn thing out."

Ashton just chuckled. "Sure, I'm done with it after all..." He promptly extinguished the butt on the windowsill, flicking it out the open window. Latching the window again, he hopped down, walking over to Jean. "Really, you look like shit..." If it weren't for the twisted little grin on his face, one might think that Ashton was actually worried.

"Thanks ever so," Jean retorted. He judged his injures, decided that pain was preferable to molestation and got up, wobbling only slightly. "You try running around on a rugby pitch for seven hours. You'd be bulldozed, too." He edged away.

Ashton was quick to follow. "My, my... You're awfully persistent, how much longer can you force your body to move before it gives up and tells you to shove it up your ass, Jean?"

"As long as I need it to," Jean growled, gritting his teeth and keeping himself going. He was moving too slow... damn.

"Somehow I doubt that..." Ashton's moves were quick, fluid. In the next second he had Jean up against the nearest wall, arms pinned behind his own back. "Don't push yourself, Jean... There's no point in running from someone you can't escape.." his breath hissed in the blonde's ear. "Besides, it's easier on you if you don't struggle so much..."

"Screw you!" Jean snapped. "Don't you fucking _dare_...!"

"Somehow I remember Ed saying almost those exact same words.." Ashton chuckled, turning his head to look at Jean. "I don't, however, recall that stopping me.."

Jean was so screwed, and they both knew it. He couldn't do jack shit like this and Fawkes was going to take advantage of that. Stupid, _stupid_... he began to squirm, his entire body throbbing in pain.

Ashton pushed fractionally harder against Jean. "You're not helping yourself any..." Mildly irritated, he bit down on the blonde's neck, hard.

A soft, unasked-for moan slipped out and Jean sagged.

Soothing the bite marks with his tongue, Ashton calmed a bit, letting his hands wander. Glancing at the bite with half-lidded eyes he smiled to himself. That would definitely leave a mark... Ed was going to _kill_ him..

Jean tugged one hand free and tried to push Fawkes away. "Why do you keep bothering me!"

Grabbing Jean's wrist, Ashton pressed him harder back against the wall. "Haven't we been through this before?" He traced the shell of Jean's ear with the tip of his tongue, free hand trailing down his side, the curve of his ass, the back of his thigh. "You're _special_, Jean, you're _different_, and I _want_ that for _myself_ even though I _know_ I've got no right to.."

Jean hissed angrily, bringing a leg up sharply to connect with Fawkes' groin. "I don't belong to _anyone_," he spat.

Ashton hissed in a breath through his teeth, keeping himself standing with the wall and Jean as his supports. "Never said you did..." he breathed, dropping to his knees and dragging Jean down with him. "You keep that fight...if you ever lose it I'll know you're not worth my time anymore..." He stole one swift, harsh kiss before backing off, retreating to the windowsill to sit and look out over the campus once again.

"Get yourself cleaned up, you seriously look like shit and Ed'll be back soon.. You don't want him to see you like that, right?" He didn't bother looking back at Jean even once, as he absently nibbled the end of a cigarette, not lighting it.

Jean's face set. He grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt, getting his body to move properly. Open the door, keep it open, walk down the hall... oh, damn.

Ed blinked, looking at Jean. He was at the taller blonde's side in nearly an instant. "What in the hell _happened_ to you!"

Jean's hand went up to shield the mark on his neck before he realized Ed hadn't noticed that yet. "Rugby practice."

"What the hell are they doing to you out there, you look like hell!" Ed held up Jean's other arm, examining the scrape with a worried look. "Is it like this every time and you're just not telling me?" There was the slightest note of hurt in his voice.

"No," Jean lied promptly. "We were doing offence/defence drills today and... well... things got a little rough. I _am_ one of the lightest members on the team."

Ed sighed. "You'd better get that cleaned up before it gets infected.."

"I will, promise." Absently, he took his hand away from his neck, revealing the slowly purpling bruise. "Want to come down with me?"

Ed's brow furrowed slightly. "What happened to your neck.." Leaning in closer, he frowned more. "Those look like tooth marks..."

_Ohshit_. Jean's hand clapped back over the bruise. "S'nothing."

Narrowing his eyes slightly, Ed reached for Jean's hand. "It's not 'nothing', don't lie to me! Was it Fawkes that did it! Where is he!"

Jean caught Ed's reaching hand with his free one, muscles protesting. He winced. "Ed, leave it, all right? It's okay."

"No it's not okay!" Ed shook his head. "I'll fucking kill him!"

Patience broke. "What am I, your personal pet?" he snapped. "I can take care of myself, Ed. Don't you _dare_ try to protect me like that!"

Ed shrank back. "But...I..." His voice broke, words failing him. And _dammit_ he really felt like crying.

Jean sighed, releasing him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost my temper at you. But this one's between me and Fawkes and... there's a lot more to it than that. If I just hide behind you, he won't leave me alone." He managed a smile. "Come on, I need to go get my arm cleaned."

Ed had to fight back the tears, but nodded. "Alright... I could just go wait in the room if you want?"

Jean shook his head. "I need the moral support. I _hate_ getting sports injuries cleaned. The only reason why I am is because you told me to."

Ed smiled a bit. "Alright then, let's get going."

"That's better." Jean took Ed's hand in his uninjured one. "So what have you been doing while I got the crap kicked out of me?"

"Just out for a walk, stopped by the library for a couple of hours...I think...Actually, I think I was at the library most of the time..." Ed grinned a bit.

Jean laughed. "Find anything interesting? I still haven't gotten a chance to poke my nose in."

"Oh, there was all kinds of stuff!" Ed started off into a long-winded explaination of the various subjects he'd studied that day.

Jean smiled slightly, only half-listening to Ed's excited babble. His hand tightened slightly in silent apology, though he knew that Ed probably wouldn't realize it.

Ed paused for a moment. "Hey, are you listening to me?" He pouted slightly.

"Yes, dear."

"That's not funny.."

Jean just batted his eyelashes at Ed and grinned.

Ed pouted. "We're almost there..."

"M'hm?" The taller blonde gently disengaged his hand from Ed's. "I promise to pay attention to you after I get fixed up, all right?"

"Okay.. you want me to wait outside?"

"It's up to you."

"I don't mind either way, if you want me to be in there I'll go with you.." Ed shrugged, looking up at Jean.

Jean paused for a moment. It would be nice to have some support, but he didn't want to risk breaking down in front of Ed. "Do me a favor, kiddo, and wait here. I'll be out in a few, okay?"

"Alright..." Ed found a nice spot against the wall to sit, ignoring the chairs.

It took a few minutes for Jean to get cleaned up, accompanied by a yelp.

Ed fidgeted outside while he waited, toying with his hair. He still couldn't get over Ashton messing with Jean. Again. It really just made him want to punch that redheaded bastard. Again.

Jean left the infirmary with the nurse on duty yelling at him to 'take it easy, dammit!', a sour look on his face.

Ed looked up at the sound of the door. "You gonna be okay?"

"Just fine," Jean said with a slightly forced grin.

"Alright..." Ed got to his feet, dusting off his pants a bit. "You should probably rest anyway, right?"

"Don't wanna," Jean said petulantly.

Ed frowned. "You should anyway, let's go back to your room. What else would you plan to do anyway if you didn't rest?"

Jean paled imperceptibly. "Let's go... somewhere else," he said, almost casual. "Maybe... outside?"

"I guess..." Ed shrugged. He'd have to deal with it for now. Oh well, there would be plenty of alone-time later.

Jean nibbled his lower lip. "We could always see if Iden's cleared out of our room," he suggested slowly.

Ed perked up slightly. "Yeah?" Maybe..

"Yeah. Come on, gopher." Moving at a brisk pace, they managed to make it back into his room at a record time. Jean scowled briefly at the window, sweeping a half-smoked cigarette butt out. "Goddammit, Luce, you're not supposed to smoke in the building!" It was a lie, to cover the stench of tobacco, but Ed might not even notice.

Ed stretched a bit, looking around. "You gonna get some rest now?" He turned a happy-go-lucky grin on Jean.

Jean plonked down onto his bunk with a soft groan. "Don't know," he mused, turning a clear sapphire gaze on Ed.

Walking over to the bed, Ed sat on the edge, dangling his legs. "You should..."

"It's not like this is an entirely new phenominon. I've been playing rugby for years, and this is no worse than some of the injuries I've gotten."

"But now you've got me to worry about you, so you should rest." Ed pouted, looking back at Jean over his shoulder.

Jean shot Ed a wry smile. "I doubt that's what you had in mind, though..."

Ed looked contemplative. "But you do need your rest..."

"I'll get it later. Promise."

"What now then?" Ed somehow managed to squeeze onto the bed next to Jean, tight fit as it may have been, slipping his arms around the taller blonde's neck.

"You seem to have a pretty good idea..." The world's cutest pair of puppy eyes gazed beseechingly at Ed. "Kiss and make it better?"

Ed just grinned. "You know that look doesn't work on me..." Despite his words, he acted to the contrary.

"Well, I must be doing _something_ right." Jean hissed as Ed's small hand accidentally brushed a bruise.

"Sorry..." Ed paused, blinking. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

A tiny smile quirked Jean's mouth. "I'll be fine. Just be careful where you put your hands."

"You expect me to be paying attention to that?" Ed pouted, tracing Jean's lips with the tip of his index finger. "Honestly, I'm too busy focusing elsewhere."

Eerily catlike, Jean's eyes lidded and his tongue flicked briefly out to caress Ed's fingertips. "M'mm... the better you make it, the less it'll hurt."

Ed blushed considerably. Jean had one hell of a way to rouse thoughts in his head that really didn't need to be there. He swallowed compulsively.

"M'mm..." Jean purred, gently biting the tips of Ed's fingers. "Slowpoke..."

Ed sighed, nuzzling up under Jean's chin and nipping at his throat. "You're doing that on purpose..."

"Course I am."

"Do you _know_ what that does to me, Jean?"

Jean chuckled, low and warm, running his tongue over Ed's lips before claiming them in a kiss. "I have a pretty good idea..."

Ed's hands gripped Jean's shirt tightly. "You know what that leads to then, right?"

"Yeah." Jean bowed his head, gently nipping Ed's neck. "I don't know why, but I think this is the right thing to do."

"What about Iden? What if he comes back? Did you lock the window?" Ed spouted questions, suddenly paranoid.

"Shh..." Jean soothed. "I'll go lock the door right now and leave Iden a message, all right?" He got up to do just that, almost falling over as his muscles sharply protested.

"Are you sure you're up to this, though?" Ed worried at the near-fall.

"Yes," Jean said firmly, coming back. "I promise to be good and get some sleep afterwards, but you need this."

Ed swallowed compulsively and nodded. "Okay..." He was nervous as hell, and it probably showed in his eyes when he looked at Jean.

Jean put a gentle hand on his friend's head. "Relax, kiddo. Just relax."

Smiling, Ed looked up at Jean. "I know... I trust you..."

Jean smiled back. "Good. I'm not particularly sure that I trust myself."

Ed sighed softly, pulling Jean down into a kiss, hot and hungry. _Come and give me what I need.._

Jean pressed a damp, open-mouthed kiss to Ed's throat. "I hope you know what you're doing," he murmured. "Because I sure as hell don't."

"Don't look at me, I've never done this before," Ed tilted his head back automatically. "Just...go by what _feels_ right, I guess..."

"Maybe this wasn't such a brilliant idea after all." Jean gave a breathy little gasp when Ed's hand brushed delicately against his side. "Then again..."

Ed lifted his head to look at Jean again, not quite sure what that meant. "What is it?"

"Never mind." Jean quietly removed Ed's hand from his left side. "Do me a favor and don't touch me there, okay?"

"Sorry..." Ed nodded, running his fingers through Jean's messy hair. "What then?"

"Depends on what you want to do." Jean's eyes slid shut and he nipped Ed's neck. "You could always think of something. I got us this far..."

Ed tugged up on Jean's shirt, grumbling a bit when he couldn't get it any farther. "A little help?"

The taller blonde chuckled at Ed's impatience, though he did manage to obediently remove the shirt. "Happy?"

"Maybe.." Ed slid down a bit, kissing down Jean's neck and chest, fingertips trailing almost tentatively along his spine.

Jean arched languidly, into the hand on his back, purring low in his throat. A slightly dreamy smile came to his face.

Ed paused, letting out a slightly shaky breath against Jean's chest. "How the fuck do you _do_ that!"

Jean slitted open one eye. "M'mm...? Do what?"

"Purr like that..." Ed experimentally let his tongue flick across a nipple.

Jean let out a surprised yelp, fingers flexing automatically to grip Ed tightly. Voice low and husky, he countered, "How do you make me purr like that, h'm?"

Ed closed his eyes. "I don't know..." He sighed heavily, pulling himself back up to catch Jean's mouth in a hungry kiss. He needed _more_..

Jean overbalanced, falling back until his was somewhat propped up against the foot of his bed. His knuckles accidently rammed against a tin box. He allowed himself a small, wicked smile. "Oh, Ed..." he purred, nipping slightly.

"Hm?" Ed blinked, shifting slightly.

"I hope you're feeling up to screwing me senseless." Maybe, at a later date, he would be embarrassed about that...

"Wasn't that supposed to be the point?" Ed moved to nibble on Jean's earlobe.

"Then get on with it." Jean flicked the tin closer. "Use that; it warms up fairly easily."

Ed blushed at Jean's straightforward attitude and fumbled slightly with the tin. _This is so unfair... how can he do this.._.? He shivered as gentle fingers delicately lifted his shirt, gently drawing it up over his head.

"Fair's fair," Jean murmured, gently nuzzling the other blonde's neck.

Ed growled, latching onto Jean's lips and staying put. The kiss was fierce, and maybe a little too rough, but Jean didn't complain.

He felt hands at the waist of his jeans, but he ignored it. Getting Jean's shorts off was of paramount importance. He had to growl a few times, but eventually, they were stripped down.

"You ready?" Jean asked, getting comfortable.

"I should be asking you that, you know," Ed grumbled softly, trying to hide his nervousness. The balm was warm and slick between his fingers. If he was a bit clumsy at this, Jean didn't notice and didn't make a sound other than a gentle whimper.

A soft, almost pathetic, sound crept from Jean's throat at the intrusion. He tried not to curl up around himself, tried to let Ed do it...

Slightly scared, Ed gently stroked Jean, murmuring comforting nonsense. But god, it felt so _fucking good_, and he _knew_ he said it out loud, because there was a weak laugh and Jean moving back against him –

It dissolved into a chaos of sensation, Jean writhing beneath him and making small, choked noises. Almost automatically, Ed reached around to touch him, and there was this heady, indescribable sound...

Ed fastened his teeth onto the unmarked side of Jean's neck. "Mine," he hissed. "All mine..." A soft whimper agreed and then –

They collapsed together, curled around each other, Jean still purring. He nuzzled his face into Ed's sweaty neck, yawning.

The only thing Ed's totally blissed-out mind could think of was a weak, "Oh, wow."

Jean chuckled sleepily. "M'm?"

"We're doing that again, you know..." Ed could feel Jean snuggle closer. "And next time, I want to watch you."

"M'm," Jean agreed, settling himself comfortably, head butted up beneath Ed's chin. He was more than content to stay like that.

Ed's arms tightened around Jean's body, fingers running lazily through the unruly mop of pale hair. "G'night Jean," he said softly, though he knew the other man was already asleep.

•

Iden tugged Jean's note off the door, smiling to himself. "Well, well, well..."

Lucifer and Aiden peeked over his shoulders. "What is it, man?"

Smile becoming more of a grin, Iden crumpled the note and stuck it into his pocket. "They finally got around to it. Come on, I'm not going in there until they're both fully dressed and coherent."

Aiden and Lucifer exchanged grins, eyes twinkling. Number two on The List had just become null and void.


	6. Spitfire

Spitfire

**Rating**: ... I give up. R.

†

Ashton stepped through the door, nodding to Edward across the room. "Didn't think I'd see you back in here again, weren't you too busy with your new toy to bother with me anymore?" His grin was lazy, casual.

Golden eyes glared at Fawkes. "Don't talk about him like he's some object, Ashton.. I don't care what he says I ought to kill you for fucking around with him all the time.."

The redhead shrugged, tossing his jacket on the bed and moving over to the window next to Ed. "Why don't you let him fend for himself? It's not like I'd do to him anything more than I've done to you..." Ashton threw a sidelong glance at the blonde, grinning almost too easily.

"You _bastard_!"

Ashton caught the fist that was directed at his face this time, shaking his head. "You need to work on your temper, Edward..."

"Maybe if you would lay off Jean I would!" Ed snapped, pulling his hand back. "Why don't you think about what the people you leer at all the time feel! You think they _want_ you to _fuck_ with them like that!"

Ashton sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I can't help it if you two are just _special_, you know.. You're _different_ and you _know_ how I just can't ignore _uniqueness_..." He grinned again, fingertips brushing against Ed's cheek.

Ed smacked the hand away. "Don't _touch_ me, Fawkes.. Not if you're going to keep fucking with him..." If that was what it took, he'd do it..

"What's this I hear? Is that an _offer_, Edward?" Ashton's grin turned feral and predatory.

The blonde swallowed hard, averting his gaze towards the door. "You leave him alone..."

Ashton was over Ed in an instant, lips right against his ear. "You know I can't do that, Ed..." he murmured, making his way towards the boy's mouth.

There was a resounding _smack!_ as the back of Ed's hand connected solidly with Ashton's cheek. "You leave him alone, Fawkes... I won't even let you _breathe_ on me without consequence if you don't.."

"But you know I can't let you go, either..." Ashton shook his head, rubbed his cheek, stole a kiss as he pinned Ed's hands swiftly behind his back.

Ed squirmed, turning his head to break away from the kiss. "I don't _understand_ you, Fawkes!"

Trailing nips and licks down Ed's neck, Ashton sighed. "You wouldn't, Edward... It's not that easy..."

Managing to tear one arm free, Ed shoved Fawkes back, following up with a swift kick to the redhead's groin. "Then why don't you _enlighten_ me, Ashton? How about you _inform_ me as to _why_ you have to _do_ what you _do_!"

_Looks like he gave you some of his fight, huh, Ed... Damn, that's worse than yesterday..._ Getting to his feet with the foot of the bed as his support, Ashton shook his head. "It's not something I can just put into words."

Ed crossed the space between them, kneeing Ashton hard in the gut, fingers threading into red hair and gripping painfully hard. "Either you leave him alone, or so help me I will make your life _hell_, Ashton. Call it a little _friendly advice_, stay the fuck away from him."

Forced to look up at the seething blonde, Ashton simply grinned. "That's a bit hard when we have classes together, Edward."

"You make me _sick_.." Ed let go of Ashton's hair, making a quick exit and slamming the door behind him.

Running his fingers through his hair, Ashton shook his head. Climbing up onto the bed, he sprawled out comfortably, chuckling to himself. "This is going to be a long year... Sorry Ed, but I can't, and I won't..."

Out on the balcony he had hid on that first night, Ed combed his fingers through his ponytail, leaning against the railing._ Dammit... He won't let up..._ He tossed a small rock, watching it skip across the sidewalk. _I'm going to protect you, Jean... Don't be mad at me for it, I just can't stand the thought of something happening to you..._


	7. Communication

Communication

**Rating**: Back down to PG

†

_Brother:_

_Jeez, where have you been! You've been away at school for four weeks now, and you haven't emailed me yet! And don't say it's because you've been busy, because I KNOW that even with school work and sports, you've probably had more than enough time to get into trouble. For heaven's sake, even your roommate's emailed me._

_Oh, about that... I want to meet this Ed person, just to make sure he's not being mean to you. I'm sure he's not, but still._

_Mama sends her love, and Dad's off in Paris, but I'm sure he'd send his, too._

_Al_

•

_Al, who the hell told you about Ed? If Dad finds out, I'm DEAD. So do me a favor and don't say a word, kiddo. Otherwise, painful death will be carried out on you and your immortal soul._

_Sorry, for not talking to you earlier, but things have gotten so weird here. Ed's roommate is a confirmed psychopath or something, and Lucifer (a friend of mine) says it's due to sexual repression. I think they're all nuts. Ed's being just as weird about him: he's forbidden me to report Ashton (the roommate) to the campus police, saying some bullshit about how this is private. Not like I would report him, seeing as I want to beat him into a messy pulp with my own two hands._

_Talk to you later_

_Jean_

•

_Iden told me about Ed. Please don't hurt him about that. But seriously, why didn't you tell me yourself? I know you're still guilty about Alyssa, but that doesn't mean that you can't find someone else. It's not like you two were MARRIED or anything... Uncle Paul's reading over my shoulder right now, and he says that Dad won't get angry at you for dating another guy. Sleeping with one, possibly, but you're old enough to make your own decisions._

_Anyway, Mom wants me to come visit you, even though you're way up there and I'm way down here. She says that it would be a good undergrad school for me to go to if I was still crazy enough to go into chemical biology._

•

_Please tell me that me dating Ed isn't going to become a family scandal. If it is, I'm packing my bags and moving to Saskatchewan._

•

_Where's Saskatchewan?_

•

_No idea. But sure. Little Sibs weekend is... in a couple of weeks. Two weeks from Friday. You'll have to take a plane up (either from Cincy airport or maybe Columbus, or even Dayton, if you get lucky) to Boston. Tell Uncle Paul that he's coming with you – he can piddle around in Arkham while you're hanging out with me, and maybe we can go to dinner at some point. I know it'll be expensive to fly at such short notice, but hey._

•

_Uncle Paul says that he's paying for the both of us. Thank god there's a corporate lawyer in the family. We have the tickets, and we'll be getting into Boston at about 6:30. We're leaving ridiculously early in the morning, too. Unfortunately, I have to miss two days of school, but the councilor says that this counts as a college visit, so I shouldn't worry._

•

_All right, kiddo. See you then._


	8. Tangled Threads

Tangled Threads

**Rating**: R, just to be safe

†

"So what's he like anyway?" Ed toyed with the end of his ponytail, curling the hair around his finger and letting it fall loose again. "What's it like, having a sibling?"

"Al's a nice kid. He's the precocious genius of the family, so he got special treatment." Jean shut down his laptop, pushing the top down. "I don't mind it, really. He's always been more fragile emotionally than I have, so I made sure to always be there. My god, when I was in the hospital, he wouldn't leave me until he knew I was okay." He stretched. "But he's so brilliant it's scary. He skipped a grade in high school because his teachers couldn't handle him. I wish I had that."

Ed shrugged. "What're we gonna do this weekend, anyway?" He lazily watched a fly in its repeated failed attempts at somehow phasing through the windowpane from the outside.

"Well, I was hoping to get Uncle Paul to take me, you, and Al out for dinner at some point. The twins are going to be hanging out in Luce's room with their younger brother and Luce has a tribe of his own coming, so we'll pretty much be on our own." Jean grinned.

Ed sighed a bit. "But 'on our own' now includes your little brother.."

"Poor bunny. Two nights and three days won't be lethal." Jean held out a hand. "Come here, you."

"That's not the point." Ed did as asked, moving from his seat next to the window. "Let's just be sure to stay occupied then, or it's going to drive me insane."

"If I didn't know you as well as I do, I'd say that you're pathetic. But we have a little time tomorrow – Al and Uncle Paul are going to take the tour and have an interview down at Admissions, so we'll be able to do something on our own."

"I guess that works..." Ed grinned a bit, "It's not _my_ fault you're so addicting..."

Jean laughed. He pulled Ed down for a brief kiss, then got to his feet. "Well, I can't help that. Come on, gopher-boy. They'll be here any minute now."

Shaking his head, Ed stretched and nodded. "Alright, we going to meet them outside or what?"

"M'hm." As they passed Ed's room, Jean frowned. "Does Ashton have any siblings?"

That gave Ed pause for thought. "If he does, he's never said anything about them..."

"I pity the poor sods if he does." They made their way downstairs and out the door.

A black Audi rent-a-car pulled up to the curb. A young boy, taller than Ed but not nearly as tall as Jean, tumbled out almost before the car has stopped and ran laughing up to Jean and cannonballed into his middle.

Ed froze in mid-step at the sound of the boy's voice. Something clicked together inside, and for a moment the world turned upside down, inside out and backwards.

_A tawny-haired boy stumbled and nearly fell, chasing another boy. 'Bro-ther! Wait up!' 'You're such a slowpoke, Al, come on!'_

_A scream, intense, throbbing pain in his left knee and right shoulder, the sharp, metallic scent of blood._

_Smiling grey-brown eyes on an eleven-year-old face. 'I made breakfast, I hope you like it!'_

_'Brother!' 'Come on, Ed, let's go!' 'Ed-ward!'_

It all flashed by in a moment's time, there and then it was gone. Ed finally remembered to breathe.

Al grinned happily up at his beloved older brother, grey-brown eyes sparkling. "Jean, you look better than you did earlier!"

Jean burst out laughing, scruffing the dark blonde hair. "You little brat, that's not a nice thing to say to your older brother! Bear in mind that I'm going to be feeding you."

Al gave his brother one last hug before he turned to look at the rather stunned Ed. "Hi," he said guilessly. "I'm Al, and I'm guessing you're Ed, considering you don't look like Iden." Al kept one arm around Jean's waist, as if to make sure that he wouldn't disappear.

"Yeah, that's me... Uh... Hi I guess.." Ed tried to manage a happy-go-lucky smile, but it was painfully evident it was forced.

For a split second, there was a large suit of armor standing where Al was. He blinked, shaking his head, it had to be his eyes playing tricks on him.

Jean frowned, but he was cut off by a rather dapper-looking older man hollering from the car, "Al, get your tush back over here and help me get your stuff out!" Like a rabbit, Al scampered back.

He rested a gentle hand on Ed's shoulder. "Ed...? Something wrong?"

Ed almost jumped at Jean's hand on his shoulder, shaking his head. "It's nothing important.."

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Dunno, maybe I have." Ed wasn't quite sure what to think of what he just saw. He was reminded of the nightmares, and shivered. "I just spaced out for a while, that's all."

"All right, if you're sure..." Jean didn't sound convinced. "Well... at least try to be pleasant around him, okay?"

"Of course!" Ed put on a genuine smile, or so it seemed. If one knew him well enough, it would be obvious in its transparency.

Blue eyes looked vaguely sad, but Al was racing back with Paul trailing at a more sedate pace. "Jean! I hope you'll find the time to help with my English homework, because I have no idea what's going on."

Jean popped a grin into place. "Mr. Math and Science Genius needs help from his screwball older brother?"

Ed sighed, shaking his head. "Need any help with your things?" Anything to get his mind off the images that kept flashing up at random.

"Jean, your manners are lacking even more than usual," the older man said mildly. "You haven't introduced me to your friend yet."

Jean blushed bright red. "Oops. Sorry, Uncle. Ed, this is Uncle Paul, my mother's brother. Uncle Paul, this Edward Elric a... ah... friend of mine."

Blue eyes eerily reminescent of Jean's twinkled benignly down at Ed. "Greetings and salutations, Edward. Is my hopelessly scatterbrained nephew taking care of you like he should be?"

Ed rubbed the back of his head a bit. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one taking care of _him_," he chuckled. "Ah...nice to meet you."

Jean pouted in Ed's general direction, taking Al's backpack. "Well, come on, you lot," he said cheerfully. "Uncle, when are you taking us out to dinner?"

Paul lazily swatted the back of his nephew's head. "Tomorrow after Al is finished with his interview. Tonight I want some peace and quiet. Your mother's been on another of her rampages about your dating preference –"

"_Not_ something I needed to know." A Look that promised Al severe psychological trauma flashed briefly between older and younger brother. Al cringed.

"– and your father's being your father. He took it better than expected."

"So he's not sulking?"

"Miraculously, no. You may have to drag Edward home for spring break, though."

Ed tried to avoid blushing, but failed, instead deciding it was easier to hide it if he just kept his head down. "Don't guess I get any say in that, huh.."

"Nope," the three family members chorused.

Paul stopped in front of Jean's room. "All right, Al, be good to your brother. Jean, don't terrorize him, please." He kissed Jean's forehead. "You have my cell phone number if you need me. Other than that, I'll see you three at noon tomorrow." He gave Ed a warm smile. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Edward."

Jean smiled at his uncle's retreating back. "He's a crazy old coot, but I love him."

"So..." Ed was itching for something to do. Anything. Anything at all, to keep his mind off of those weird images, and to keep himself off of Jean.

Jean plonked down on his bed and Al immediately relocated to his lap. "What do you all want for supper?" he asked. "We can do Chinese, Greek, or pizza."

"I'm okay with anything," Al piped up.

"Whatever's fine, I guess." Ed took a seat near the window again, trying to ignore the fact that Al was, albeit innocently, in _his_ spot.

Jean rolled his eyes. "Okay. Greek it is. Al, get up, I need to order it in a timely fashion, otherwise we're not eating. Scoot."

Al sat on the bed obediently. "Are you going to be gone long?"

"It's a two-minute walk." Jean got to the door, looking over his shoulder. "Don't do anything silly while I'm gone."

"Ah...so..." Ed lounged in the chair, avoiding looking directly at Al, but trying not to look as if he was doing so. This was going to be a very, _very_ long weekend.

Al unabashedly studied his brother's... boyfriend? Was that it? They didn't really seem to be just like that... Abruptly, his child-like voice gone, he asked, "Are you in love with Jean?"

If Ed had been drinking something just then, it would likely be all over the room at this point. He sputtered slightly, trying to regain his composure and put his brain back together. "Uh..." was about all he managed to say.

"Well?" Al crossed his arms stubbornly.

"Why are you asking me that all of a sudden, anyway?" Ed fidgeted incessantly with the end of his ponytail, extremely uncomfortable at the moment. Especially with the way Al's eyes bore down on him, seemingly too wise for the child they belonged to.

"Because he's my brother. I don't want him to get hurt again."

Ed sighed slightly. "Yes...I do love him... Sometimes so much it hurts..." Golden eyes gazed out the window, a tiny, somewhat sad smile quirking the corners of his lips.

"Good," Al said, satisfied. "I think he does too, but it'd be like pulling hen's teeth to get him to admit it."

"Admit what?" Jean said from the doorway.

Ed rested his head on his arms, still looking out the window. "How long did they say it would be to get here?"

"Couple more minutes." Jean moved over and put his hand on Ed's head. "What's wrong?"

"Hm?" Ed looked up, grinning a bit to cover up the stress. "It's nothing, I'm fine."

"I'll bet." Jean's hand absently drifted down to caress the back of Ed's neck. "Oh, hey, Al? The twins want to nab you for a few hours to play video games. You feeling up to it?"

"Heck, yeah!"

Ed sighed softly, leaning back just the slightest bit.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Jean briefly checked his watch. "Come on, Ed, you're coming with me to get the food. It should be here by now."

"Alright." Ed got up, stretching, and headed for the door.

As soon as they were out the door, Jean grabbed Ed. "Are you feeling all right?" he asked, eyes worried. "You look ridiculously pale."

"I told you, it's nothing to worry about, I'll be fine." Ed shook his head. "I'm just a little spacey today, don't mind it."

"Ed, please don't lie to me."

"We can talk about it later then, okay?"

"All right." If Jean was hurt, he did an excellent job of hiding it. "Come on."

Ed sighed a bit as he walked, thinking hard on just how he was going to explain all of this to Jean, when he could hardly explain it to himself. The concept itself sounded crazy to his own ears, how would it sound to someone else's? Well, it wasn't like he could just hide it anymore, he was going to _have_ to tell Jean about it...

Jean and Ed grabbed the food, returning to their room and eating it in silence. A few minutes after they finished, Luce turned up demanding Al.

After his baby brother had left, Jean turned to Ed. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't rightfully know the answer to that, Jean..." Ed brought his knees up to his chest, sitting in the chair by the window again. "This shit in my head is just all fucked up and I don't even know what it all means."

"Could you at least try to explain it?" Jean asked in a curiously subdued voice. "You've been acting like my brother's pure poison or something."

"Please don't think I'm insane, but I think it's got something to do with a past life or...something like that... The nightmares, some of my other dreams, this feeling of familiarity around you that makes it seem to me like we've been together a lot longer than we have...

"When I saw your brother...I saw _images_, like _memories_, all of what's going on in my head is too interconnected to be just stress induced, the nightmares started just after I met you, and as I've been getting closer, they've been getting clearer..." He paused, looked up at Jean. "Do you believe in fate?"

Jean chewed on his lower lip, trying to come to terms with everything Ed had said. "Are you saying you think that we're just recycled souls from somewhere else?"

"I don't know... That's kind of a shitty way to put it though..." Ed glanced at the floor.

"Well, how else am I going to put it?" Jean rested his chin in his hands, gazing levelly at Ed. "So... why have you been getting these and not... someone else? I mean, if what you're saying is right, then I should theoretically be just as aware as you are."

"I...don't know..."

The taller man sighed, rubbing his face. "Oh, well. Just leave it."

"Alright..." Ed echoed Jean's sigh, turning to glance out the window again.

Jean got up, pacing like a caged animal. There was something niggling in the back of his mind, but he couldn't place it.

Ed looked up, brow furrowed. "Jean? What is it?"

"Damned if I knew." He dropped down onto his bed, draping himself haphazardly over the mattress.

Standing, Ed moved over to the bed, finding a spot he could sit on. "I..." he paused, shaking his head. "Sorry..."

Jean didn't bother to open his eyes. "For what?"

"That whole..." he gestured vaguely with his hand, trying to pull the words off his tongue without making it sound weird, "...other life...thing..." Okay, so he failed at that.

_That_ made Jean sit up. "Ed. Shut up about that for now, will you? I have an uncomfortable feeling that yes, you're probably right. It would explain a few other things, too."

"Sorry..." Ed put his head in his hands.

Jean reached up, pulling Ed down. "Ed. You're moping."

"I can't help it..."

"Yes you can," Jean said firmly. "You need to perk up, is all." He gently undid the smaller boy's ponytail. "You need to perk up, relax, and do something fun."

"Oh? Like what?" Ed finally met Jean's eyes again, a slight glimmer in gold that showed he already had a pretty good idea.

"You're asking me?"

"I think I was..."

"You," Jean remarked, threading his fingers through Ed's hair. "Are a brat. Hope you don't mind." He tugged him into a gentle kiss.

"Does that really change a damn thing?" Ed smiled, wrapping his arms around Jean's neck.

"Not really, no. But still... you're my brat." Jean's mouth quirked back.

"I can live with that.."

Jean let his eyes drift closed. "Good. Because I'm not sure if I'm up to the reeducation process."

"Whatever you say, Jean..." Ed nestled his head right up under the taller blonde's chin.

"Hmph." Jean curled an arm around Ed's shoulders.

Ed chuckled, nipping lightly up under Jean's chin. "How long do we have?"

"A couple of hours."

"Alright..." For the moment, Ed was content to just lie there.

Jean stretched, catlike, shoulders and back popping.

Ed sighed, thinking. He'd probably have to sleep in the chair or something this weekend... Dammit...

Jean sat up, disloging Ed. "What the hell has got your knickers in such a twist?"

"Nothing, just thinking possessively." Ed latched right back on, seeking out the almost completely faded mark on Jean's neck with a slight frown. That wouldn't do, he'd have to fix that.

"Thinking possessively? What? You think you're going to be sleeping on the floor or something?"

"I wouldn't sleep on the floor unless you tied me up and forced me to, or if you were gonna sleep there too.." Ed ran the tip of his tongue over the mark, pondering whether to renew it or just make another one somewhere else.

Jean shivered at the feel of Ed's tongue. "Well, Al's sleeping on the floor, and while I admit to some semblance of 'brotherly love', it is _not_ that semblance. I'm sleeping on the bed, and so are you."

"I've got no problem with that.." Ed murmured, before deciding on renewal and biting Jean's neck again, suckling for a while on the flesh between his teeth to make _sure_ the mark lasted.

Jean yelped. "The hell–!"

Soothing the mark with careful, slow licks, Ed sighed. "I told you, just thinking possessively..." _Mine, dammit._

"This is going to be hard to explain," Jean said ruefully, reaching up to touch the already angry-purple bruise. "You'd better make it up to me or you _will_ be sleeping on the floor."

"They both know about _us_, how would it be so hard to explain?"

"That's not precisely who I meant." Jean tugged Ed into a fierce kiss, prompting the smaller man to forget it.

Ed decided he'd let that slide, opting for the moment to just savor the next couple of hours of alone time.

•

Yawning, Al let himself back into his brother's room. It was ridiculously late (about eleven-thirty or so, Luce had explained with a grin that his brother and Ed might want to have a bit of time for themselves and Al knew _quite_ well what that meant, thank you very much) and he wasn't expecting to see Jean and Ed still up. Shirtless, with Ed wearing a pair of sweatpants that Al _knew_ belonged to Jean, but they were up.

Up, yes, functional, no. Ed was definitely tired. His 'welcome back' was interrupted by a rather large yawn.

"So, how did it go?" Al asked sweetly, just to make his older brother blush. Jean gave him a rather rude murmur, but he didn't mind. He was pleased that Jean was happy.

Ed was just barely tired enough to miss that innuendo, though that was probably a good thing. He was ready for some well-earned sleep. With Jean. Because dammit, he earned it.

Jean slithered off his bed to help Al drag out the futon, ignoring Ed's sleepy growls. "That's not something you should ask on a daily basis," he told his brother softly, remarkably coherent.

"I know that. I just like teasing you." Al touched the rather livid bruise on Jean's neck. "What's this? A token of affection from Ed?"

"That's a nice way of putting it."

Al giggled. "You ought to keep him safe," he said suddenly, digging out his pillow. "I think he's the best thing that's happened to you for a long time."

Jean affectionately ruffled Al's hair. "I know that, squirt. I know." He got up to switch off the lights. "G'night, kiddo." He slid back into bed.

Ed snuggled up against Jean, arms around the taller blonde's neck. Al was a smart kid, he'd give him that, maybe he wouldn't have to worry about it at all. Shrugging it off, he stifled a yawn against Jean's chest, slipping off to sleep.


	9. Gordian Knot

Gordian Knot

**Rating:** PG-13

†

Jean shifted slightly, Ed's arm heavy across his middle. Someone was knocking on his door and he should probably get up and answer it.

He shoved Ed off and got up.

"I've already got it, brother," Al said, fully dressed.

Paul poked his head in, grinning at the sleep-tousled blonde. "Morning, sunshine. That's a handsome bruise you have."

Jean was too sleepy to do anything except growl half-heartedly at his grinning uncle.

Ed stirred at the lack of warmth, grumbled and sat up, blinking sleepily at Jean's back, then leaning slightly to the side and blinking a bit less sleepily at the man in the doorway.

He looked familiar... oh... wait... uncle... Paul... ohdamn... He promptly buried himself back under the covers again.

Iden rolled his eyes, slipping around Paul. He mouthed an "I need to talk to you later" at Jean before nabbing some clothing and slithering back out.

"Iden was kind enough to let me in this morning," Paul said cheerfully, watching his nephew yawn and pull on an outsized tee shirt. "And you can tell Ed that I know quite well what's going on, thank you very much. I _do_ read Al's mail occasionally."

All that earned from the lump of Edward was a rather loud groan. He'd never been fond of the whole 'meet the family' concept in the first place. Well, it was a plus that he wasn't being beaten senseless for it.

Paul (rather uncharitably, he knew) started to chuckle. "All right, all right, I'm going," he said, eyes twinkling mischievously. "Jean, give Ed a hug and kiss for me."

There had to have been a curse from Ed, but muffled beyond recognition.

Almost laughing out loud, Paul left the room, closing the door behind him.

"I think you and he will get along famously," Jean remarked, grinning slightly.

"Why do I entertain fantasies of hurting you both..." Ed mumbled, sitting up and downright _glaring_ at the taller blonde.

"I didn't say anything," Jean said, fiddling with his little coffeemaker. "Don't know what you're so embarrassed about, either."

"When's breakfast..." Ed yawned, content to sit right where he was for the moment. He would've been more content had Jean been sitting next to him, but oh well.

"Depends on if you want granola and coffee or whatever rubber they're serving in the dining hall." Jean yawned slightly. "You should probably get a shower in first, though."

Ed pouted sleepily. "Why can't you bring me breakfast in bed?" Maybe he was pushing it, but a small smile quirked the corners of his lips. At least _he_ found it amusing.

"Woof," Jean said dryly. Nonetheless, he brought Ed a hot cup of coffee.

"What's that supposed to mean..." Golden eyes glanced at Jean as Ed sipped the coffee gratefully. "I guess I'll get a shower when I'm done with this... I guess..."

"Good." Jean yawned again. "Are you made out of metal or something? I don't think there's a single squishy part to your body."

"... I'm not going to say anything..." Ed sighed and continued to wake up.

"Suit yourself. You're grumpy this morning."

"Really?" Ed was up, digging around for a change of clothes and bath supplies. "What's on the agenda for today?"

"I kinda wanted to poke into the library and museum later today. Al and Uncle Paul won't be done until around six or so, so we have time to play." The taller blonde draped himself carelessly over his desk chair. "Ah. Iden wants to talk to me about something later, too."

"Oh... alright..." Stuff gathered in one arm, Ed picked up the cup, downing what little was left. "What about you? When are you going to get a shower? You need one as bad as I do..."

Jean stuck his tongue out. "Let me have _my_ coffee, squirt. There's more of me, so I need more than you do."

Ed shot a glare. Just because it was Jean didn't mean he couldn't be pissed about being prodded at about his size. "Be back in a bit then." And with that he slipped out of the room.

Jean grinned to himself and set about turning on his computer. Yes, it was looking up to be a good day...

Ashton glanced after Ed, waiting until the boy was around the corner and out of sight to knock on Jean's door.

A distracted, "Come in," answered his tap. Jean was currently reading an inundation of furious mail from his mother. Great. Just great. Good had gone bad depressingly quickly.

The redhead slipped inside, glancing around momentarily before making a beeline for the window. It was his favorite spot to sit after all. Ashton considered lighting up, but decided against it. No need to further irritate Jean just yet. "Morning..."

"M'mm... morning..." It would be notable to mention that Jean was so distracted by this point that he wasn't quite aware of who was speaking to him.

Ashton had to grin. "If only I could get that kind of a reaction every time..." He absently toyed with his lighter, watching the flame.

"Eh?" Jean glanced over briefly, then gave an almost comical double-take. He also did an interesting full-body twitch. "Gah!"

Putting his lighter away, Ashton chuckled. "Now that's an expression worth savoring..."

Jean blinked, quite a few times, his brain seeming to have a hard time processing the fact that Fawkes was in his window. "What do you want?"

"To talk? To irritate you? To look at you?" Ashton shrugged. Did he really need a reason to intrude anymore? He just _did_, and that was that.

The way Jean saw it, he could do one of three things: he could let his head forcefully drop onto his computer; he could bodily throw Ashton out; or he could be polite.

"Get out. I'm not in the mood to be pestered."

"Too bad, you let me in, I intend to make good on that."

Jean sent a cold glare over to the redhead. "What part of 'sod off' don't you understand?"

"The part where I leave you alone?" Ashton grinned, always fun playing this game now. Though he wondered when he'd just give up this little charade...

Irritation, anger, and a vague sense that he was being toyed with, sent Jean up to grab the front of Fawkes' shirt. "Go _away_!" he snarled, hauling him away sharply.

"Temper, temper..." Ashton shook his head. He was vaguely reminded of that time when Ed... best not think about that now, Fawkes.

"I'm allowed to have a temper!" Jean snapped, eyes blazing. "You come in here when you _know_ it's too early for me to think straight, and you're probably going to make fun of me or try to cop a feel! I think I've been extremely lenient with you, but enough is _enough_!"

"I don't have to do a damn thing, Jean, you get irritated with me no matter _what_ I do..."

"I wonder why," Jean snarled.

"Ah, if only you knew..." Ashton managed a slight grin, though he wasn't really feeling up to this at the moment. "You mind letting me go and perhaps we can just have a talk instead of a fight?"

Jean let him go and backed away warily, almost looking catlike. "As long as you don't piss me off."

"How can I guarantee that if me just being here pisses you off, Jean, really..."

He decided to ignore that. "What do you want to talk about?"

Ashton watched in silence for a moment, pondering. "Anything said between us is automatically going to become a battle of words, isn't it..."

"It's not like we're exactly friends..." Jean eyed Ashton warily. "And yes, probably. Quite honestly, I don't particularly trust you..."

"It's wise not to trust a rebel like me, Jean, a cat lives only for himself and nobody else, after all..." Ashton ran his fingers through his hair absently, eyes stuck on the blonde. And so the battle began anyway...

"Not true," Jean remarked. He met Ashton's eyes squarely, a challenging grin quirking the corner of his mouth. "I wouldn't say that's true in every case."

"It's good to know that not everybody thinks that lowly of those of us who are feline in nature..." This could turn out to be good...

Jean played idly with a pen. "I have no reason to think badly of myself," he said honestly, then blinked. _The hell?_

A grin quirked the corner of Ashton's mouth. Jean's confusion was evident... So he didn't know yet... "I see... Best that way, I think... What other information can I get from you today..."

Cautiously, Jean asked, "What do you mean, 'other information?'"

"You really don't know a thing, do you... Even Ed knows more than you..." Ashton set the bait, wondered it it would help him.

"Well, seeing that it's turned both of you loopy, I'm quite happy _not_ knowing," Jean said calmly.

Ashton shrugged. ''You'll come to realize it whether you want to or not, you think I asked to know? Think I even want to now that I do?''

"Look, apparently I'm the dumbest of the lot, so talking circles around me won't work." Jean was getting irritated by this point.

''That may be so, but you're the center of focus, you were _then_ at least...'' Ashton noted the irritation, kept going anyway.

"_What_!"

''It's changed now, obviously... Mostly I've changed... But there's still that obsession I can't let go...'' Emerald remained locked with sapphire. ''And now that I've found you I just can't help it...''

Jean shifted uncomfortably. "What do you mean, 'obsession?'" He had an bad feeling that he knew...

Ashton just grinned a bit ruefully. ''Oh, but you don't want to know, remember?''

"Call it a morbid curiosity." Jean rested his chin in a fist. "Besides it may not be a matter of 'want' but a matter of 'need.' If you give me a good enough reason for pestering me, I'm at liberty to toss you out the window."

''You could call the reason a twisted little obsession...'' But Ashton did wonder if that really was all there was to it now...

"Why me? Of anyone you could be obsessed with, why me, and why now?" He had a vague memory of demanding that before... he also had a feeling that he hadn't liked the answer back then, and probably wouldn't like the answer now.

_"Because your looks, your attitude is alluring to me... Everything about you makes me want to taste the blood in your mouth, revel in your screams, bask in the heat in your eyes when you look like you're ready to rip my throat out..."_ An almost wicked smirk crossed Ashton's lips. The kind that had driven Ed away back then, the kind he used to wear often in a life where he wasn't quite himself.

''I find it funny, Lieutenant,'' Ashton stepped closer to Jean, ''that you never actually put a bullet in me...'' Fingers brushed against Jean's cheek much like claws once had. ''Funny how your final actions were fought out as an animal, rather than a man... At least I, wretched as I was, found the humanity to shoot you...'' He stepped back, one finger tapping where a bullet had pierced in another lifetime.

Jean stopped cold. He remembered now... oh, yes, he remembered. "Now I remember why I hate you so much," he said, eerily calm, a shadow of the older man flashing briefly through his face.

The smirk faded, all trace of chaotic insanity gone. ''Now you have your reason... It's best that way...'' Any hint of sadness and Ashton would deny it, even though he allowed a brief flicker of hurt to show in his eyes before he turned away. He needed a cigarette, bad. This wasn't something he enjoyed doing.

Jean rested his forehead in his palm, letting things ricochet around in his head. "Just get out and save us both the trouble."

"I'm not going to stop coming around you know..." Ashton brought a cigarette to his lips, toying with his lighter but not lighting it. Why did he have to remember things like that! It made his eyes sting but nothing more. He didn't make a move.

Jean looked up, eyes angry and nearly green. "Get out. I'm in the mood for killing you right now. I don't care about later, I just don't want to have to explain to my roommate why there's blood on his rug."

Ashton shrugged, heading for the window. That would let him smoke sooner. ''Sorry...'' And with that, he slipped out the window and out of sight. Damn... Why did he always make things worse like that...

Jean groaned softly. He didn't want to have to think about anything right then...

Ed slipped inside, closing the door behind him. It didn't take long to notice the air of hostility that was almost still fresh in the room, and he shivered. ''Something happen while I was gone?''

"Let's not wait until I'm thirty, just kill me now," Jean growled. "Maybe I could get rid of him if I did that."

''Fawkes again...? What happened... Anything I can do to help?'' Ed put his things up and looked at Jean, hiding his anger behind worry.

"If you can somehow manage to make me into a normal person again, sure, you can help."

''Dammit. What did he do this time...'' Ed knew it had to be something bad, Jean never acted this way...

"It's not what he did. It's what... oh, hell, I don't know!" Jean's forehead met his desk with a thump. "I wasn't even _human_..."

_Kick, scream, cry, doesn't make a bit of difference. Cold, dark, voice thick with malice inside his head_... Ed cringed. ''Jean...''

Jean heaved a sigh, trying to get himself back under control. "Yeah?"

Ed wasn't really sure what to say, he really just wished he hadn't gone to take a shower. Wished instead he could've been there to kick Fawkes in the balls and throw him out. He looked at the floor, fists clenched.

"He said I'd be happier not knowing," Jean remarked, sitting up and turning to grin ruefully at Ed. "I think he was right. Wish I kept my fool mouth closed..."

Looking up, Ed tried to come up with something to say, a mixed look on his face of concern, anger, and slight hurt. ''God I hate him...''

Jean held out a hand. "Come here, kiddo."

Ed nodded and stepped forward. ''If I'd been here I could've just shut him up... He always does shit like that, ever since that time, I don't understand why he has to DO that!''

Curious, Jean cocked his head. "What time?"

Ed's eyes widened fractionally upon realization of what he said, then narrowed in furious remembrance. ''Nothing... It's not important...'' He averted his eyes when his face threatened to betray a deeper sadness. He hated Ashton, and that was that.

"All right, all right, calm down." Jean knew when to keep his mouth shut.

''You going to be okay, though?'' Finding it always better to shove those old sentiments aside, Ed looked back at Jean again.

Jean lifted an eyebrow, amused. "Would you honestly believe me if I said 'yes?'"

Ed frowned. ''Well if you're not I need to fix that, right?''

The taller blond shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know if I'm all right. It's a little too much to handle right now... I wonder who else has gotten yanked hither and yon like us."

''I'd suggest talking about it... But I don't know if that's such a great idea... Maybe just try not to think about it too hard...'' Ed could think of a few distractions that might help, if it was the place or the time for it. He really didn't know what to do.

"I think I like the 'not thinking too hard' part," Jean said, his normal grin firmly in place. Who cared if it was a bit forced?

''Yeah...'' Ed managed a tiny, slightly sad smile. He didn't like this any more than when it happened to him. In fact, he definitely hated it more, because this was Jean and he wouldn't have minded if the taller blonde hadn't ever remembered a damn thing.

Jean shrugged. "At least that explains why I love cats so much."

''That's not funny...'' Ed had a vague idea what Jean was talking about, though the memories came in patches and didn't always make much sense. He wondered just how much Jean knew, and if it was more or less than he did.

"Yes it was. For an entirely too-grim topic, I thought it was just hysterical." Jean's voice was wry. "I wonder if I went overboard with threatening him bloody death."

Ed sighed, looking down again. He was tempted to ask how much Jean knew, but didn't really want to push the topic. He also really wanted to just let it go.

Jean nudged him with a foot. "Perk up, gopher. No use moping about something we can't help."

''Memories of that life only lead to pain and sorrow...'' the smaller blonde mumbled.

"Not if we don't want them to," Jean said, getting to his feet. "Everything's mutable."

Ed remained silent. He didn't want to know what happened then, he just wanted everything to go on as it was, he was happy with that...

Jean poked Ed in the side, ready for a tickle attack. "You're moping."

Ed looked up, eyes stinging. ''I don't want to lose you to those memories...'' It happened once, how did he know it wouldn't again?

"You won't," Jean said mildly. "Because last time I checked, I wasn't half-human and Fawkes didn't have a gun." He smiled. "Besides, I'm too stubborn to die except on my own terms, you know?"

_He does so have a gun..._ Ed shook his head. ''That's not what I meant... Promise me you'll always be yourself... Don't go and change on me...''

"Ed. Have I ever, _ever_ changed on you?"

''This is just the first time... You might-- Just promise me, please?'' _Please don't do what he did..._

"All right. I promise." Jean then proceeded to do what he had intended to do earlier. Namely, tickle Ed senseless.

Ed squirmed away, backing up until he hit the edge of the bed and nearly toppled over. ''Don't _do_ that!''

Jean cheerfully ignored his indignant squawk, of course.

"Dammit! Stoppit!'' The smaller blonde scrambled over the bed in attempts to get away from the onslaught. ''Don't make me hurt you!'' he squeaked, running out of places to run. He really hated being tickled.

Jean stopped. "You squeaked."

''Did not.'' Ed pouted at Jean, seriously expecting him to make up for this little fiasco.

Jean lapsed into snorting giggles. "You _squeaked_."

''Shut up! You owe me for that dammit!''

He hit the floor, laughing hard enough to cry. It was a hysterical reaction, but he was past caring by then.

Ed's pouting didn't last long, and he just smiled a bit. His Jean was a happy Jean, and he intended to do whatever he could to keep it that way.

Jean ended up sprawled across the rug, gasping for breath after a five-minute bout of laughter. "Ouch," he remarked vaguely.

''You done now?'' Ed moved over to sit on the bed.

"Ehh..." Jean twitched slightly. "I think so..."

''Come here then...''

The taller blonde hauled himself slowly up. His legs were still feeling a little rubbery, so it was with something less than elegance that he draped himself over his bed. "Anything else?"

''Maybe...'' Ed snuggled up to Jean rather comfortably.

"Mmph. What are you planning on doing today? Bear in mind that we get to eat with Uncle Paul and Al later tonight. We're paying, by the way. Well," he amended, "Uncle Paul is."

''But we've got time until then...'' Ed tried to nuzzle his head up under Jean's chin, but the position made it difficult.

"M'mm... yes, but I also get to get yelled at by Iden. I think he's ticked about something..." Jean stretched himself, murring happily as joints cracked and popped. "And I have a pretty good idea of what he's pissed over."

Ed got situated again. ''What's that?''

"In a word, you." He paused, considering. "That sounds really melodramatic, doesn't it?"

''Why am I a problem?'' Ed managed to get his arms around Jean's neck finally.

"Because Iden has enough sense and propriety to not want to be in the same room as us when we're sleeping. Now, bear in mind, this is all theoretical. He could be wanting to yell at me about Ashton's smoking habit."

''If he thinks it's bad in here, he should try rooming with Ashton for a few days... Not that I'd wish that on anybody.'' He nuzzled the mark he'd left last night. ''We're not _that _bad, are we?''

"According to Aiden, yes. Iden reserves comment, and Luce... well... do I really have to go there?" Jean yawned slightly.

''I meant when we're sleeping...'' Ed mumbled, hair still damp against Jean's chin.

"Apparently, you talk in your sleep..."

Ed turned a nice shade of red at that, burying his face against Jean's neck. ''Do I even want to know what kinds of things I say...''

"I don't think so, no."

That earned a groan.

"So," Jean said brightly. "I think Iden wants his bunk back."

''Is that to say I have to move back in with Fawkes...'' Ed tried to snuggle closer at the thought.

"I have no idea."

''That's so reassuring...'' The smaller blonde clung tightly. If there was one thing he didn't want, it was to go back to _that_...

"We'll probably figure it out somehow. Luce may volunteer again to go live at home or with his boyfriend... I don't know why, but he seems bound and determined to keep us together." Jean yawned hugely.

Ed relaxed somewhat, sighing against Jean's neck. ''Just don't make me go back there with him, anything else, just not that...''

"It'll be okay. We'll manage to figure something out."

''Thanks...'' Ed curled up closer.


	10. Torture Session

**Torture Session**

Paul watched his nephew lean sleepily against Ed. It was touching how close the two boys were... he smiled to himself. A rare pairing, they were, and worth keeping.

Ed fidgeted with his ponytail a bit, a little nervous, a little embarrassed. What else was there to distract himself with... Ah, a fork!

Al and Paul exchanged a look before Jean's younger brother piped up, "What are you majoring in?"

Jean stirred slightly at that and realized he was being rude. He sat up, blinking fuzzily.

Ed nearly jumped. ''Chemistry.'' He eyed the ornate clock across from their table absently.

"How come?" Al leaned his elbows on the table, his small face intent. "I don't mean to be rude," he apologized quickly at the amused expression on Paul's face and the slightly miffed one on Jean's face. "I just want to know more about you..."

''Uh... Well, I've always been interested in the sciences...'' Ed was fidgeting with his hair again.

"Great answer," Paul said, amusement clear. "But there's thousands of things you could do with chemistry. What are you planning to do?"

Jean grinned slightly. Ed was going to get tag-teamed by his uncle and brother. This could get entertaining very, very quickly.

Ed opened his mouth to reply and discovered that he'd never really thought about it... ''Uh... I...''

"You could always teach," Paul remarked offhandedly. "But I can't really see you voluntarily putting up with the bullshit that entails. You could go into chemical engineering, or medical chemistry. But if you do that, who knows where you'll end up." The elder man sipped his wine. "Don't tell me that you never even spared a thought for this?"

Al let his uncle do the interrogating. He just watched Ed, eyes intent on the other man.

At the moment, Ed would have loved to become liquid and seep through the seat. ''N-not really, sir...''

"Are you minoring in anything?" Al asked. He noted the brief grin flitting across Jean's face, but decided to ignore his brother. Knowing him, he'd be doing something... mean to poor Ed. Either that, or just enjoying Ed's discomfort. Al's money went on the second of those two thoughts.

''Historical literature... I... Enjoy it... Uh...'' Ed felt like shoving his face in a blender would be more pleasant than this. He was making himself out to seem like he really had no goal or direction, and it was embarrassing.

"H'mm..." Paul flicked a finger against his water glass, listening appreciatively to the note. "Good crystal, here." He smiled cheerfully at Ed. "Don't look like that, boya. I'm impressed that you're taking something as noncy as histoical lit. Bit of a Renaissance man, are you?"

Ed shifted in his seat and glanced at the clock again. ''Well... Uh...'' Words were not his friend tonight, apparently.

"This is normal," Jean commented to the group. "He's sullen and wordless by turns in front of people he doesn't know, and you," he pointed a not-quite accusatory finger at Paul, "took too many Psych classes when you were in college. What, are you trying to psychoanalyze my boyfriend or something?"

Paul's grey eyes twinkled. "Oh, so now you're actually _admitting_ it?"

Jean froze. "Fuck. I said that out loud."

Al just _grinned_.

Ed looked anywhere but at Jean or his relatives. The clock, especially.

"Well, at least you're not in denial anymore," Paul said pleasantly. "You know, Stephen would have pounded you into mulch for waiting this long if he was still alive..."

Jean blanched. "That's not funny... at _all_."

The smallest blonde at the table was doing his best not to get up and sneak off. He was _trying_ not to blush, too, but he'd failed spectacularly at that.

Al reached across the table to tug at Ed's sleeve. "Uncle Paul doesn't mean any harm," he said, smiling. "He just wants to make sure that you can handle the crazy part of the family. So far, you're doing fine."

''That's reassuring... I think...'' Ed smiled a bit at Al, brows knitting for a second before his expression was back to normal. He knew Al was...had been...

Jean and Paul were now arguing about what 'Stephen' would or would not do. Al sighed, transferring his smile affectionately over to his stubborn older brother. "Jean never really got along well with Mom and Dad. They always wanted him to go into the military, but Uncle Paul insisted that he be let alone. I hardly ever saw him after his junior year in high school because Uncle Paul made sure that Jean would live with him." Al's smile turned rueful. "Jean's a hopeless case, you know that?"

''Military huh...'' _Ed shifted slightly again, pulling Havoc down a bit further so that he could snatch, between his teeth no less, the dangling metal that had been hiding, along with one very fucking edible upper body, Ed noted, beneath the pesky black shirt._ Ed sighed, pink tinging his cheeks.

"Of course, Jean refused. I think he threatened to go Buddhist or something. Mother handed that _very_ badly." Al blinked, bemused, as Jean and Paul started bickering about whether Ed or Stephen was better for a bad day. "Er. You may want to cover your ears, Ed."

Jean's final triumphant announcement was, "But Ed actually makes a decent cup of coffee!"

Paul had to give him that one. "All right, all right, youngster. You win."

Ed gave Jean a light kick in the shin just to say 'you _owe_ me later for this...'

Jean shot Ed a slightly cocky smile. "So how do you like the sane part of my family?"

"Hardly that," Paul murmured.

Ed thought of several ways to get that grin off of Jean's face, but none seemed appropriate at the time. He shook his head clear of such thoughts once he realized the look on his face. _That_ made him want to in crawl in a hole, alright.

Al had the grace to look down at his plate, and Paul couldn't curtail a wistful smile. Jean's hand briefly squeezed his. "So. Uncle Paul's thinking about pulling you down to Ohio for a vacation. Got any opinions on that?"

''Uh... Er... I...guess?'' Ed glanced at the clock again. The longer this went on, the more he'd embarrass himself, he just knew it.

"Relax," Paul recommended, catching the uncertain looks at the clock. "We're not going to do anything to you, I promise."

''That's not what I'm worried about...'' Ed mumbled.

"Oh," Paul said, eyes twinkling again. "_That_."

Ed blinked, gears turning. He suddenly went bright red. ''What's that supposed to imply! I- but- I-!''

Al covered his face with his hands. "_Uncle_."

Jean just groaned and sat back in his chair.

Ed was tense and ready to bolt as soon as the opportunity arose. This was getting more and more uncomfortable, and he was about at his limit.

Al shot Paul a dirty look and turned back to Ed. "Have you been into the university library?" he asked eagerly.

Startled, Ed nearly jumped again. ''Yeah...''

"Is there anything interesting in there?"

''Oh yeah, lots of stuff, it's where I spend most of my free time... When Jean's in class or practice, that is.'' It wasn't until after he said it that Ed realized how wrong that could be taken, blushing slightly yet again.

"Have you been to any of Jean's games? I keep telling him that he's going to concuss himself playing rugby, but he just won't _listen_." Al glared at his older brother, who had the grace to look chagrined.

''I don't know if I could watch it...'' Ed had thought about it, but hearing how violent it was, he didn't really know if he could sit back and watch Jean get the shit beat out of him.

"It's not that bad," Jean muttered.

''I've got the right to worry about you...'' Ed shot back. That phrase struck him as too familiar, though...

Jean opened his mouth to retort, then subsided. That sounded slightly too familiar, and he didn't want to go exploring into territory that might be sore.

Jean's actions were noted, and Ed supposed he hadn't been the only one to think that. It was nagging him, but he did his best to ignore it for now.

Paul checked his watch. "I think I've been terrorizing you long enough, don't you?" He addressed it generally around the table, but aimed it particularly at Ed. He added, "I'm going to stash Al in the hotel so you can extract painful revenge from my poor nephew."

Ed didn't even bother to ask what that implied. He figured he'd either wish he hadn't, or not get an answer anyway. ''Thanks for dinner, though... Uh...'' he tried and failed to come up with something else to say.

"Any time, Ed. It was a pleasure treating you like my own nephew."

Jean snorted. "Sad thing is, that's how he treats us," he murmured to Ed.

''Er... Kay...'' The longer this took, the more awkward Ed felt about it.

"Right, then." Paul signed the bill. "You want me to drop you off in front of your building or on the edge of campus?"

Ed just looked at Jean.

"Oh, sure, make _me_ think," Jean grumbled. "Just for that, drop us off on the edge of campus."

Ed caught Jean on the way out the door. ''You owe me for this, dammit...''

•†•

Jean waved goodbye to his uncle and brother. "I'm sorry about that," he said quietly.

Ed shrugged. ''You'll make it up to me.''

"You seem sure of that." Not that Jean was complaining. He really did owe it to Ed.

''If you don't I'll be upset...''

"Like you're not already?"

''The moon looks pretty tonight...''

"Ed..."

Golden eyes looked to Jean with mock innocence. ''What? It does!''

Jean sighed. He wasn't going to win this one, or even get any points. "Never mind."

Ed just grinned.

"You're doing this just to annoy me, aren't you?"

''Doing what?'' Ed walked along the brick that separated the sidewalk from the grass.

Jean kept his mouth shut. He was irritated at the world in general by this point, and didn't see the point in losing his temper.

Ed paused, turning to look at Jean. ''You okay?''

"Would you believe me if I said 'yes?'" Jean asked wryly.

Ed looked down. ''Sorry...''

"What are you apologizing for?"

''For being a nuisance?''

"That doesn't count. My uncle pretty much terrorized you tonight and... well... I feel kind of bad about it."

''I'm not counting it against you. Besides, you're making it up to me when we get back, you know...'' Ed started walking again.

"Must be nice to have a simple mind," Jean murmured.

''Hey!''

"What? It's true."

Ed glared briefly and cuffed Jean on the back of the head. Affectionately, of course.

"I notice you're not denying it..." Jean grinned at the grumpy boy.

''Why should I have to? I know it's not true.''

"You keep telling yourself that." He ducked another swing.

''I'll just pretend you didn't say that.'' The smaller blonde picked up his pace.

"Suit yourself." Jean moseyed along, enjoying the nice evening. If Ed wanted excercise, fine. He was going to take his time, dammit.

Ed sighed and slowed down again. Waiting wasn't one of his favorite things to do.

"Calm down," Jean said tranquilly. "It's a beautiful night."

''Didn't I say that already?'' Ed toyed with his ponytail a bit, looking up at the sky.

"You were commenting on the moon."

''And that doesn't count or something?''

"Not at all."

Ed pouted. ''That's not fair!'' How old was he again?

Jean just laughed.

How many more steps to their building... How many more to the room... Between ten and five to the bed depending on how large one's steps were... Thinking ahead gave Ed a reason not to be annoyed.

Blinking, Jean yawned. "You're a bit twitchy tonight. Did Uncle Paul really get to you that badly?"

''Huh?'' Ed snapped out of his thoughts, blinking, as he looked at Jean.

"You're not even paying attention to me!"

Ed looked down. ''I was thinking... Sorry...''

"Hmph." Jean wasn't really annoyed. Well, not at Ed, at any rate. He was just... tired. And grumpy.

Ed wondered if maybe he should just let Jean get some sleep...

"Hey, when we get back, do you want any coffee? I think we have some left over."

''Not really...'' Unless Jean didn't _feel_ like sleeping...

Jean frowned. "Are you all right? You're spacing out more than usual, and it's bugging me."

''I told you, I'm thinking, is there a problem with thinking?'' Ed immediately felt a little bad for the slight attitude he'd taken.

Jean shrugged. "Pardon me for asking." He slipped his hands into his pockets. "Didn't mean to be rude."

''Sorry... I didn't mean it like that...'' Ed was starting to sulk now, and that couldn't be a good thing.

Jean sighed. "Sorry for being grumpy."

''Sorry for being twitchy and snappy...''

"It's okay, kiddo. My fault for inflicting him on you."

''You didn't do that, he did it himself.'' Ed managed a wry grin.

"True. But seriously, you think you can put up with my relatives? Have they scared you off me yet?" Jean's voice slid into a light, teasing tone.

''Not a chance in hell _anybody_ could scare me off you!''

"Just making sure. There were a few minutes in there that I was pretty sure you'd bolt."

Ed neglected to comment on that.

They reached the dorm in comfortable silence, Jean swiping his keycard and holding the door open for Ed. "I think Al tried to keep you moderately sane. Brave kid."

''I'll have to thank him for that sometime...'' Ed proceeded to make himself comfortable on the bed.

"He hero-worships you, you know that?" Jean spotted a scrap of paper on his desk and picked it up. "He thinks you're the greatest person on earth." His face split into a grin. "And remind me to painfully disembowl Luce next time I see him, will you?"

''What's so great about me anyway? And what's that paper say?'' Ed moved to the edge of the bed out of curiosity.

"Boiled down, it says that we have the rest of the weekend to ourselves, but Iden's coming back and expects a clean room every night. We can do whatever we want during the day. After seven, all snogging or screwing is off limits." He crumpled the paper up and tossed in in the trash. "And I quote."

Ed turned an interesting shade of pink.

"What?" Jean said, amused. "You think they didn't already know?"

''I never said that...'' Ed flopped back on the bed again, lapsing into thought once more.

"Then why turn the funny colors?"

''Because it's still embarrassing!''

Jean laughed at him. "They've been encouraging us, you know that."

''Not the point.''

Moving over to sit down next to Ed, Jean asked, "Then what _is_ the point here?"

''I dunno... But that wasn't it!''

Jean couldn't help snickering at Ed's indignant face.

Ed just grumbled to himself and rolled over, back to Jean.

"You're sulking."

''Yes, yes I am.''

"Why?"

''Because I can.'' Ed was being childish, and he didn't really care.

Jean leaned over to briefly kiss Ed's neck. "You're no fun."

''I don't like being laughed at.'' Ed mumbled.

"Then get ready for a huge inferiority complex, because I think the universe is laughing at the both of us."

''What's that got to do with anything?'' Ed rolled over and snuggled Jean as opposed to snuggling a pillow.

"Nothing," Jean said comfortably. "Or maybe something. I'm too fried to care right now."

''M'mm...'' Ed shifted, trying to get more comfortable.

Jean bore various joints poking into his side patiently. After Ed had settled, he remarked conversationally, "I think I'm bored. Want to play a card game?"

Ed blinked, then grumbled. ''I just got comfortable, unless you give me one damn good reason I'm not moving.''

Jean grinned, but kept his mouth firmly shut around a remark that probably would have gotten him pummeled. "So, should I just say good night and go to sleep?" he asked in a sweet voice.

''I was rather expecting that damn good reason...'' Ed muttered.

"What? I'm not a good enough reason for you?" A slightly less sarcastic version of his remark, but then again, Jean -did- value having all his blood in his body.

''A card game is not a good enough reason.'' Ed sighed a bit, nuzzling Jean slightly.

"Agreed. But there are several other reasons to move."

''Right, now if you want me to move, you have to give me the reason I want.''

"That means I have to think."

''How hard is it, Jean...''

Jean 'mmphed' at him.

Ed 'hmphed' back.

"I'm not your dog, Ed. You and I both know perfectly well what you want, but I'm not going to say it." Jean felt stubborn right then. It was embarrassing to keep saying something they both knew, and he just felt ornery about it.

''I never said you had to _say_ anything, and I never intentionally implied anything about dogs...'' Ed wondered vaguely if he'd really come off that way.

Jean flushed slightly. _Way to have my inferiority complex come around to bite me in the ass_.

Ed was content to snuggle until given a reason not to. Well, not _entirely_ content. Alright, not really content at all. He shifted slightly again.

Jean lifted an eyebrow. "Are you really that unmotivated? I'm insulted."

''Who's making what up to who now?'' Ed bit Jean's side because it was there.

"Ow!" Jean scooted away, grabbing a pillow to whack Ed lightly with.

Ed pouted softly, sitting up and clinging to the pillow.

"Next time check what's happened to what you're gnawing on..." Jean rubbed his side, grimacing slightly.

''Sorry... I didn't bite _that_ hard...'' Ed hugged the pillow tighter.

"No, but you got me right across a bruise – will you _stop_ moping!"

Frowning, Ed chucked the pillow back at Jean. ''I'm _not_ moping, I'm trying to be patient for once.''

Jean calmly caught it and pelted it back. "Oh? Why do you have to be patient, h'm?"

Ed gave up and hugged the pillow again. ''Because you still haven't made it up to me yet, and I'm trying not to be selfish, that's why...'' He was starting to get frustrated, and it was probably showing.

Jean sighed patiently. "Ed, put down the pillow and come here." _Moody little thing,_ he thought dryly. _Maybe we should put him on hormones or something..._

Ed did as Jean asked, crawling up to him.

Jean pulled him into a quick kiss. "Better?"

''Sometimes I wonder if you even have a sex drive, Jean... Why is it I'm the one who always starts things?'' Ed pouted again. Sure it was stupid and trivial, but he was just a little irritated about it.

Jean opened his mouth to retort, then subsided, hurt. He managed a mumbled, "'m sorry..."

Ed recoiled at that, feeling like a total jackass. ''I... Sorry... I just... Want to know that you want me too...''

"Forget it. Just..." Jean wanted to curl up and hide. That _hurt_.

Ed looked down and kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to say anything else stupid, wished he hadn't said what he already did. His eyes stung viciously,but he held back.

Jean was stunned that Ed could ever had something like that. He bit his lip, hard, to keep from doing something stupid. Or to keep from breaking down completely.

The longer the silence stretched, the more uncomfortable Ed got, the worse he felt. He wanted to run, somewhere he would stop being such a fuckup. Fists clenched in the sheets and a single tear finally fell.

"It's okay," Jean finally managed, his voice not -nearly- as cheerful as he wanted it to be. "You didn't mean it like... that."

_I love you and nothing else matters_... Ed looked up again, still silent and fighting back more tears. _I never meant to hurt you..._

Jean reached out and pulled Ed into a hug. "It'll be okay," he said softly. Now that he had gotten over the initial shock, he could move on. He'd probably be angry and do something later, but not now.

Ed clung almost desperately, actions saying that which he didn't even want to think about. 'Don't let go...' 'I need you...' 'I don't know if I could live without you...' ''I'm so sorry...''

"I know, I know. It's okay." He wasn't willing to promise anything. He did know, however, that his next scrimmage was going to be quite a bit more brutal than the last.

''But it's _not_ okay because I was being a total _asshole_ and I hurt you and you're probably mad at me and I feel like just a total piece of rat shit and –'' there was a tear in his voice.

"You didn't mean to hurt me, did you?" Jean's patience was admirable, really.

''Of course not...''

"Then what are you worrying about? I'm not mad at you." Which was only half a lie.

''You've got every right to be...'' Ed rested his head against Jean's chest. How could things go from good to..._this_ so fast... But then again, this wasn't as bad as before, thank god it wasn't that bad...

"I do," Jean allowed. "But I'm not going to be. Hurt, yes. Angry, no."

Ed closed his eyes and hugged Jean tight. ''I...''

"It'll be okay," Jean murmured.

Ed wasn't sure what else to say, so he just sat there, content just to have the time to calm down.

Wincing slightly, Jean shifted so his leg wasn't pinned and falling asleep. "Feeling slightly better?"

Ed nodded, nuzzling his face against Jean's chest slightly.

"Good."

Looking up, Ed managed a small smile.

Jean managed to scrape a smile together, too. "Now, what do you not ever even _reference_ in my hearing range?"

Ed blinked, a slightly puzzled look on his face. ''What I said before?''

"Bingo. We'll get along fine."

''So now what...?'' Ed moved his arms to around Jean's neck.

"Not quite sure. I apparently still have to make things up to you... way I see it, you owe me an apology, too..." Anyone who knew Jean well would see the small impish spark in his eyes.

A tiny shiver ran down Ed's spine at that look. ''I can deal with that...''

"Oh, goody." Jean engaged the smaller boy in a kiss, still wondering about how the hell he did such a turn from absolutely crushed to... this.

Ed let out a small sigh into the kiss, moving without much thought to comfortably straddle Jean's lap. This was a nicer turn of events, and a welcome distraction.

Jean broke the kiss, nuzzling Ed's ear and chuckling slightly. "I'm hopless," he commented softly.

''Why do you say that?''

"Because I can't stay annoyed at you. I can't get angry at you..." Teeth nipped at the side of Ed's neck. "You seem to have me on a short leash this time around..."

''M'mm...'' Ed smiled softly, fingertips tracing circles on Jean's back rather absently.

Jean hummed into Ed's neck, eyes half-lidding lazily. "Clothes?"

''Are completely and entirely in the way...'' Ed responded, reaching down to tug up the back of Jean's shirt.

Jean twitched vaguely at the brush of Ed's fingertips. "Tickles," he mumbled into his shoulder.

Ed grinned a bit and tugged some more. ''You're not helping you know...''

"Mmmphth. Consider it your punishment for hurting my feelings."

At that, Ed pulled the shirt up as far as he could, which put part of it across Jean's forehead.

Jean bit Ed's shoulder before pulling out of the shirt entirely. He ran a hand through his slightly messy hair. "Happy now?"

Ed grinned. ''It's a start, anyway...''

"Some people..." Jean pulled him into a hard kiss.

Ed returned to his previous routine, tracing circles lightly across Jean's back and shoulders, indulging fully in the the taller blonde's mouth while he was at it.

Jean let out a soft noise that sounded eerily like a purr, breaking for air. His own fingers prodded gently at tension points in Ed's back.

Ed shuddered softly, nipping at Jean's ear and mumbling, ''Clothes...''

"You're smart enough to figure out what to do with clothes," Jean said teasingly. "You managed mine just fine."

Ed grumbled at that. ''You're not much help, you know...''

"You deserve being annoyed." No one could really blame Jean for still being a bit miffed at Ed's earlier insult.

''Can't you save it for later?''

"You should know me better than that."

''Please?''

"Two good reasons why."

Ed frowned. ''It's more interesting when you do it, and at least I tried for you...''

An eyebrow popped up. "Those were _reasons_? Nice but –" Jean nipped Ed's neck none-too-gently, "try again."

''Come _on_! I said _please_! That's better than just demanding it, right? That's got to count for _something_!'' Ed whined. Jean was just being _unfair_ tonight.

Jean sat back, just looking at Ed like one would a fractious toddler. "What is wrong with you? Normally you wouldn't think twice about demanding something. And, excuse me for saying this, you're whining."

''What's the point in demanding something I still can't get from asking nicely? I don't _want_ to have to demand something like this, it's stupid to do that.''

Jean's expression turned amused. "You're still whining."

This was _not_ funny, and Ed was most definitely not amused. He bit his lip to keep from saying something stupid, eyebrows knit in frustration.

Apparently having obscurely won that last bout, Jean twined lazy fingers through Ed's ponytail. "I'm teasing." He tugged Ed closer. "You should know by now that I'm a complete and utter brat."

''You choose the worst times to be that way, too...'' The distraction had been working, but now Ed was thinking again.

"No, I'm like that all the time," Jean said cheerfully, hands sneaking up Ed's back under his shirt. "You just don't notice it until it becomes... inconvienient."

''Then why don't you try and make it _not_ inconvenient?'' Ed was working on not still being irritated.

"Because you're fun to tease," Jean said honestly. He pressed a kiss against the hard line of Ed's jaw. "You're so cute when you're pissed."

''Well I don't think it's fun at all.'' Ed replied matter of factly, pouting.

"You'd think it was fun if things were reversed," Jean pointed out. Probably truthfully, given Ed's mischevious streak. He nosed his way down Ed's neck, pausing for some time on the pulse-points.

Ed shifted a bit in Jean's lap, shivering slightly when he hit a particularly sensitive spot on his neck.

Jean made a soft sound, tongue flicking against Ed's skin.

Ed shivered again. Jean sure wasn't making patience easy.

"Feeling better?" Jean asked sweetly in a low voice reminicent of a lion's purr.

''Not if these damn clothes aren't off in the next sixty seconds...'' Ed breathed.

"No patience at all.." Jean murmured against Ed's ear, his hands snaking lightly over the other blonde's spine. They found the edge of Ed's shirt rather quickly, toying with his impatience for a few moments by pulling the fabric up inch by inch at a leisurely pace.

''Dammit I said sixty seconds not _minutes_!'' Ed growled against Jean's neck, patience worn thin.

Jean found it hard to suppress a chuckle, pulling back from Ed a touch to pull the shirt the rest of the way over Ed's head and dropping it away from them. His hands ran over the newly revealed flesh, pausing here and there to tease. "Anything else you want to comment on, or do you really _want_ me to spend minutes on this?"

Muscles twitched under Jean's touch, golden eyes half closed. Ed took no time at all in engaging the taller blonde in a rough kiss.

It wasn't long before the air became a symphony of panting, moaning, whispers of '_oh god_' and '_yes_' and '_more'. _One body rocked against the other, two becoming one as the orchestra rose to a brilliant crescendo and the world flashed white.

Later, as Ed gently stroked his sleeping Jean's hair, he would whisper those three little words, and perhaps Jean would hear them even in his dreams.


	11. Morning Sunshine

Morning, Sunshine

**Rating**: PG-13

•†•

Ed yawned and looked around, still half asleep despite the fact that he'd been up for a good half hour at least. 'Coffee' was the only coherent word that came out of his mouth, no matter how many times he tried to form a sentence.

Jean just curled tighter around his not-Ed pillow. He didn't particularly want to wake up and face reality, unless there were massive amounts of coffee or some other stimulant available.

Ed poked Jean again, having remembered (for the fifth time that half hour) that they were out of coffee. "Mmrrrgg..."

Jean lifted his head slightly, eyes sleepy and half-focused. "What?"

"Coffee.."

"Why do I have to make it all the time?" Jean grumbled, slithering off the bed and into a pair of pyjama pants. "You know how to work the damn thing."

"Out..." Ed mumbled, the first coherent word other than coffee he'd said since he woke up.

Jean turned ever-so-slowly around to Ed. "_What_?"

Ed nodded grimly, well, as grim as he could get this time of morning without coffee.

Jean thumped to the floor in a pitiful, mewing heap.

Ed whimpered slightly in response.

"I don't even have decaf?" Jean made a spirited crawl towards the coffeemaker. Ah, for the love of coffee...

Ed just proceeded to smack his head against the floor to wake himself up.

"Nope. Ed, stoppit. You'll put a dent in the floor."

That earned a growl. "M'gonna get more..." Ed rubbed his head and walked towards the door, realized he wasn't wearing a shirt, and came back. Shirt donned, he proceeded to try to push the door open, remembered he had to pull it, and wandered off in search of caffiene.

"Hope he remembers to get me some," Jean grumped to himself, nabbing an old sweatshirt. Paul would be waiting right about now to be let in, so he hoofed it down to the lobby.

"Morning, sunshine," Paul said cheerfully as Jean let them in. "Al's here to pick up his stuff so we can get to the airport."

"When are you leaving?"

"At two," Al said, slightly glum. "I don't want to go."

Ashton absently flicked the butt of his cigarette off into the trashbin outside the doors, looking up as he stepped inside, only to freeze in his tracks at the man he saw in front of him.

Paul looked casually over at a flash of red, a brief flicker of consternation crossing his features. "Jean?"

"M'hm?" His nephew looked up from an unhappy Al.

"Who's that?"

"Oh. Ashton. He's Ed's technical roommate. He's a bit of a hardass."

"_Bastard.._" Ashton muttered under his breath, visible emerald eye narrowing.

Jean nodded to Ashton as they passed. "Why'd you ask?"

"Oh... he looked familiar," Paul said vaguely.

Ashton wasn't far behind, but he kept his distance, solely for the fact that he didn't really want to be anywhere _near_ that man unless it was to choke the life out of him, and that wouldn't be such a good idea about now.

"I brought some books for Ed," Paul said once they were in Jean's room. "There's Dante's _Inferno_, Milton's _Paradise Lost_ and _Paradise Regained_ and a few books on ancient alchemy that I thought he might enjoy."

"Where'd you dig these up?" Jean asked, looking through an alchemy text. "And how would you know Ed would like them?"

"Antique bookstores abound in Arkham," Paul pointed out. "And call it a hunch. Ed's tastes may just be fulfilled with these gems. Call it an early birthday present."

"He already had one."

"Then it's a late present."

Ashton's left eye twitched slightly at the mention of alchemy, _especially_ in a voice he was _entirely_ loath to hear it in. Several curses were muttered under his breath at the thoughts rising up to the surface again.

"But Ed doesn't like religion," Jean said. "And alchemy was inherently religious at one point. I doubt he'd care to slog through vague references to things that he doesn't –"

"That's what you're there for. You know quite a bit about biblical references and ancient religion."

"I still think he's going to try to take the top of your head off."

There were too many questions in his head, and Ashton just tried to shake them off. His memory might've been better than Ed's and by far Jean's, but for some godforsaken reason he couldn't think of a single good thing about the man formerly known as Paul Fawkes, previously Delgardie. Every single thing he could think of was either painful, or sickeningly brutal.

Paul checked his watch. "Damn. Al and I have to get going, otherwise we'll miss our flight." He kissed Jean's forehead. "Take care, boya."

Al hugged him. "And take care of Ed."

Jean grinned. "I will. Go on, out with the both of you." They left, leaving the room just like it used to be. Except... Fawkes was haunting his doorway. Wonderful.

"Relations of yours, Jean?" Ashton asked, watching the two disappear down the hall.

"Yeah. Why?" Jean eyed the redhead warily.

Fawkes turned to face Jean for a moment. "That man is the reason for your death, you know.."

"No, he's not, he's my uncle." Ashton had now dropped down to 'madman' in Jean's estimation.

"That man was once Paul Delgardie, my father, the one who made me the monster I was... Incidentally, had he not, Jean Havoc never would have been ordered to kill seven abominations, and would not have died by my hand.." The malice was clear in his voice, and Ashton turned away, making a swift retreat to his own room to mull things over. _Perhaps we're all just drawn to each other by forces beyond our control..._

------

Ashton sighed, head in hands. What a weekend this turned out to be. _I would've rather it not happened at all..._ He'd hardly gotten anything done at all, and what's worse, -that- bastard just had to show up... Paul was one person he could have lived without meeting a second time...

Lucifer ambled up to Jean's room, poking his nose in to say 'good morning.' However, the silly blonde had his nose stuck in a book and totally ignored him. Ah, well... Ashton's door was slightly open, so he stuck a hand through and waved. "Morning, Sunshine."

Ashton glanced up with a slightly foul look on his face. ''You're awfully cheery today, aren't you?''

Luce took that as an invitation to come in. "You're terribly grumpy. Somebody tread on your trousers?"

''The hell kinda expression is that anyway? Just a run-in with a rather hated old acquaintance...'' Ashton replied, looking at Luce. ''Anything in particular you came here for?''

Luce grinned inanely. "No, just to talk to you. I had a lot of fun with you in the museum, and Jean's absorbed in some book, so I decided to come pester you!" He lowered his voice. "I don't think he's gotten his required five cups of coffee yet..."

''I see...'' Ashton ran his fingers through his hair to get it out of his face completely. ''Anything in particular you want to talk about?''

Lucifer took out his glasses case and slipped on his spectacles. "You know me. I'm always prying. What's gotten you into such a funk? You're usually not like this, even around people you hate."

''A lot of things that really shouldn't concern you.'' The redhead slipped on his typical false, but usually believable, smile momentarily. _I wonder if he remembers anything... He's been around Jean since they're relatives... And that kid seemed somewhat different, too... Then again, he was oblivious up to then, why would that change now..._

Lucifer snorted, his facade gone. "Bullshit. You're a friend, and something's bothering you. What's wrong?"

Ashton looked away. ''You wouldn't understand it even if I explained it...'' _I know some things about my previous life which in itself makes no sense in this world, and I just ran across my dear old dad from back then, except he's now my old obsession's uncle and I seriously have the urge to mangle him so badly that you can't even identify the body by dental records._

Luce barked out harsh laughter. "Try me, boyo. There's a lot of non-believable stuff here at Miskatonic. Trust me, you're not the first to be strange."

''Just a run-in with a hated old acquaintance, like I said... A really old acquaintance...'' Ashton couldn't help but nearly snarl at the constant reminder of his past life, almost chuckled at the instincts that came with it. _Not going to do that again, Fawkes, remember what happened last time you lost it, you lost Ed too.._. The beginnings of a smirk faded from his lips.

"Like I said before, you never get like this when we run into someone you hate. Who was he?"

''More like who he used to be... A long, long time ago before this place was even thought of...'' Ashton moved to the window and opened it, pulling out a cigarette and his lighter.

"M'm... can I bum a cigarette?" A small smile graced Lucifer's lips. "And how long ago was this?"

''Sure...'' Ashton held out the pack after lighting his own. ''Too long to make sense to you, if I told you the date you wouldn't even understand it. Let's just say another life...''

Luce slid a cigarette out, producing his own lighter when Ashton offered his. "Ah. I'm assuming his was a close acquaintance in this 'other life'."

''If you consider hating somebody more than anything close...'' Emerald and white closed briefly. ''He was my father... Only by genetics, that man only treated me like an experiment from the time I was born to the time I killed him...'' At that, Ashton cursed himself mentally for letting too much slip, he really shouldn't have been talking about it anyway...

"H'mm... and why are you so mad at him now? Really, the man can't be nearly that horrible in this life, if you will. Unless..." Strange golden eyes bore down on the redhead. "Unless he's uncomfortably close to someone dear to you?"

_This isn't a good direction to be going, dammit..._ Ashton tried to hide the twitch that caused.

Luce tapped a bit of ash from the end of his cigarette. He knew he was getting closer to whatever was bugging Ashton. "Ah. Guessing from pure, irrational basis, it has to be either Jean or Ed. Am I correct?"

Ashton couldn't help but nearly growl at that, hissing out a breath of smoke. ''Even if I tried to deny it, you'd know, wouldn't you?''

Lucifer's smile turned secret. "Of course. Which one?"

''Jean...'' Ashton focused out the window, trying to keep his head straight through all of this, though a small grin threatened to curve the corners of his lips. _The past is going to be the death of me for sure... All that's come of it has been pain.._. The grin transformed into a tiny, sad smile.

"You are aware that Ed is almost unhealthily possessive of Jean and that he's not likely to share?" Luce asked, voice slightly worried. "Especially with you. Forgive me saying this, but some things that I've heard Ed say... well, I'm just surprised that you two haven't tried to kill each other yet. Though..." He stubbed out the cigarette, regarding Ashton like a scientific specimen. "You are rather fond of Ed, too, aren't you? But that's not what's bothering you right now. It's Jean you're worried about, isn't it?"

''I'm not worried about them so much as I'm worried about myself...'' Ashton remarked absently, reaching for a new cigarette even as he discarded his old one. _This is a bad fucking topic, Luce... Really fucking bad... But you wouldn't understand that, would you.._.

One of Luce's eyebrows raised. "Oh? Now you have me curious. Are you worried about hurting one or both of them because you can't control yourself?" It was an obvious question to ask, considering Ashton's track record.

_Fuck..._ ''It's a little late to worry about it...'' _Why do you think they both hate me so much, other than the obvious? Surely you've seen that deep at least to know there's something up._..

"No need to get snappy," Luce said, entirely too calm. "It's obvious that you've pushed Ed away, but I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about Jean – he avoids you like the plague, but you haven't really done anything that he can't handle. Is this about something else, like the 'past life' that you claim to have had?" Luce's tone wasn't mocking, just professional.

''I killed him.'' The redhead exhaled a steady breath of smoke, eerily calm.

''And he killed me.''

Luce almost laughed.

Ashton shrugged, rather detached. ''Are we done? I don't expect you to believe me, you know... I'd be almost surprised if you did, even...'' _How can anyone understand it if they didn't live it, after all? Don't believe me you can ask Ed or Jean, they're in on it too, it's all just a farce anyway, right? Hah.._.

"Why did you kill him?"

''Because of the monster I was, because he turned his back, because I couldn't break him in the end... Who knows... I wasn't human...'' It was eerie, talking about what he'd only ever kept to himself, and Ashton found it oddly depressing from this point of view as well.

"Why would you want to break him?" Lucifer's voice was quiet and calm.

''He shone like a diamond among lumps of coal. I was obsessed and I wanted to watch him bleed, hear him scream, feel his eyes glaring hatred at me, at his own helplessness... I was _sick_...'' In spite of himself, Ashton couldn't hold back a tiny shiver of ecstasy at the thought. The feeling almost made him nauseous.

"Why" was the only question Luce could think of. If he was revolted or startled by Ashton's confession, he hid it perfectly.

''When you lived your whole life as an animal, you really don't bother with any reason other than 'I felt like it'.'' Ashton put out his second cigarette considered starting a third, settled without. ''I'm not like that here... I'm... Just a normal human being...'' If normal was the right word for it...

"You do realize," Luce said, almost absently, "that you and Jean are not the people you used to be. There are so many factors that go into shaping a person's psyche that none of it can be perfectly replicated. For instance, I'm willing to bet that the person who was your father is now related to Jean." He smiled at Ashton's visible shudder. "Ah, so I'm right. Who is it?"

''His uncle...'' Ashton had long since given up denying anything to Luce now. It was just too much of a hassle to do so.

This time, shock was scrawled clearly across Lucifer's face. "You mean Paul! But he's so sweet...!"

Ashton shuddered at the name. ''It doesn't matter to me what he is now, because I know what he was then, and that's not easy to forget...'' Bitterness was thick in his voice and his eyes narrowed, a genuinely insane smirk curling his lips. ''The only good memory I have of him is when I tore him to shreds...''

"You touch him or Jean with intent to hurt," Lucifer said, his voice dangerously quiet. "You _will_ learn the hard way why my name is what it is. Just so we're clear." Gold eyes shimmered eerily.

The look of insanity fled and Ashton turned to gaze blankly out the window. ''I never asked for those memories... I'd gladly make them disappear if I could... But it's not something I can control anymore, there's no more buffer for it, and I doubt there ever will be again...''

"How do you know?" Luce asked, getting up to go. "Miracles do happen." He took off his glasses, looking at them pensively. "Did you know that phoenixes are songbirds?"

''I've already lost the only thing that could ever be a damper for this... The one thing that was different other than humanity...'' _Now that which once was a damper is something else to contribute to the flow... His hatred.._. Ashton turned his gaze to the ceiling, looking but not caring enough to see.

''He's not coming back.''

"Fascinating things, phoenixes... no larger than a dove, but their song is beautiful. Sometimes they get confused with the mynah bird, which can imitate human speech." Luce tucked his glasses away. "Of course, you know what a phoenix _really_ symbolizes, don't you?"

Ashton gave up. ''If I say yes you'll ask me what, and if I say no you'll tell me. If I say nothing you'll tell me anyway, so let's just hear it...''

"Rebirth. Hope." Lucifer smiled strangely. "There's always a chance kiddo. No matter what has happened or what might happen, there's always a chance." His mask was beginning to settle back into place. "You screwed up once, but there's at least three more tries left for you."

''Tell that to Ed and Jean, they'll get a laugh out of it...'' _It'll be like pulling teeth to get even a second chance from them_...

Lucifer laughed. "Jean's reading a book about alchemy right now, and there are several others scattered about his room. Why'nt you go ask about borrowing one? It'd be a step in the right direction, don't you think?"

''Maybe...'' Truthfully, the redhead _loathed_ even the _mention_ of alchemy now. And truthfully, he wasn't really worried about Jean anymore right now. There was a sinking feeling inside and he brought his knees to his chest. There was only more to think about now...

"You ever need to talk, I know where to find you." Lucifer grinned, bowing elegantly. "Just nab me sometime when things are getting bad. Until then, mon cher!" He waltzed – literally – out of the room, humming Corelli's pastorale to himself.

Ashton shook his head at the sight. _Yeah, I'll nab you if I feel like another psychoanalysis_... Truthfully, he felt worse, rather than better.

------

Jean ignored the noisy thoughts clamoring around in his head, picking up a book and determinedly sitting down to read it.

Ed wandered back in, juggling two styrofoam cups of coffee and a paper bag that contained their supply for the next week or so. "Hey, gimme a hand here!" There was a near-squawk as he almost tripped over a book.

"Huh?" Jean looked up at Ed. After taking a split second to absorb the situation, he lunged to catch a dangerously wobbling cup. "Woah! Don't spill the coffee, you klutz!"

"Sorry! Is it my fault that I was being hospitable and got one for you so you wouldn't have to wait on the coffee maker?" Ed put his cup down on the windowsill, already setting to getting more coffee made so Jean would have some when he was done with that cup. "What's with all the books?"

"M'mm... coffee..." Jean hummed blissfully, curling up around his cup. "The books are from Uncle Paul. Belated birthday."

"Wait what? Who's birthday?" Ed sipped his coffee and picked up one of the volumes. His eyes widened and he nearly choked, setting the cup down and flipping through the pages. "Where the _hell_ did he _get_ this!"

"Your birthday, and antique bookstores, apparently. That's what he said, at any rate." He waved the book in his hand. "They're really interesting."

"_Interesting_! They're priceless tomes of information! I've been wanting to read this one for _YEARS_!" Ed was already nose deep in the old book.

"Hey! I was reading that!" Jean made a swipe for the book, careful not to upset his precious coffee. "Read something else, you little peanut!"

Ed shot an entirely _foul_ look at Jean. Boyfriend or not, _nobody_ interrupted him when he was reading.

"Give it." Jean held out a hand. "I want to finish it." From weeks of practice, he ignored Ed's foul look easily. "There are plenty of other books for you to fangirl over."

Giving up, Ed scooped up another book, curling up on the bed to read, god help the man who disturbed him.

Jean snugged down into his chair, the book open and his coffee in hand. Yes, life was good.


	12. Pretend It Never Happened

Pretend It Never Happened

**Rating**: PG13 for implied stuff and cursing. Maybe...

†

Lucifer poked his head into Jean and Ed's room. "Hullo, Starshine!" he caroled in an obnoxious voice. "Wanna come to a party?"

Ed glanced up from what he was reading – light reading, mind you, anything else and he wouldn't have even noticed Luce. ''What kind of party?''

Luce sighed mock-dramatically. "It's Halloween, oh clever-one. Where's Jean?"

''Dunno, he wouldn't tell me where he was going, but he should be back soon.'' The blonde put a slip of paper in the book and set it aside.

"H'm. Are you guys out of coffee again?" It was notorious in the dorm that when Jean Havoc couldn't get his coffee fix, things started to go pear-shaped real quick. Luce shook out of his momentarily pensive attitude. "Well, you coming to the party or not?"

''If Jean's going, then I will. If he doesn't want to... I'll just drag him along anyway.'' Ed grinned a bit.

Luce's grin could only be described as 'unholy'. "Right, then. Party starts at eight in my room. See ya there?"

Ed wasn't quite sure he liked that look. ''Yeah.''

Luce bumped into Jean on the way out. The blonde looked oddly at the flouncing joker. Luce promptly stuck his tongue out and bounced away. "What was that all about?" Jean asked, coming in with a bag in hand.

''Party at eight in his room, you're not going to make me go alone, are you?'' Ed smiled.

"No, I think I meant the expression on his face. Scariest damn thing I've seen since a two-hundred pound man decided that I would make a nice pancake."

''That I don't know...''

"Ah. Now, what's this about a party?" Jean set down his bag and leaned against his desk.

''Halloween party, that's all I know. Well, that and I agreed to go.'' Ed had begun to wonder if that had been such a good idea after all.

"Could be fun." Jean slapped Ed's hand away from the bag. "Later. What possessed you to agree to go? Not that I'm particularly unwilling, but you're supposed to be the stable personality around here."

The smaller blonde shrugged. ''I thought it might be fun, something different for a change.''

"You _do_ know that Lucifer has a very warped sense of humor?"

''I hadn't noticed...'' Ed rolled his eyes. ''I neglected to think about that until after I agreed to go. Then he have me that look and I'm wondering if it was such a good idea...''

"Just making sure. You said it's at eight? It's seven-thirty now."

''So what do you want to do for the next half hour?'' Ed glanced at the bag again. ''And what's in there that I can't see?''

"Dunno. And I'm not going to tell you. It'll ruin the entire point of me keeping you _away_ from it. Let's just say it's heavy and Luce gave it to me by way of Aiden. Both are going to die very painful deaths."

Ed just pouted. ''But now I'm _curious_! When do I get to know what it is? You said later...''

"After I bean Luce upside the head with it. Maybe not even then." Jean wrapped it tighter in the bag and slipped it on the top shelf of his closet, which he knew Ed couldn't reach. "Until then, it doesn't exist."

''But it does exist and I want to know what it is...'' Ed frowned, then glared just slightly.

"You may want to know what it is, but it's a rather unpleasant thing for me," Jean said. "If you're good, I'll show it to you after break."

Ed gave up and considered returning to his book, but they didn't have that much time left.

Jean glanced at his watch. "Well, come on. Might as well start wandering."

The smaller blonde stretched and got up off the bed. ''All right then!''

"Someone's perky," Jean grumbled.

Ed blinked and looked over at Jean. ''Come on, we're going to a party and the point of that is to have fun. So cheer up okay?''

"I'll cheer up once Luce and Aiden are unconcious."

''Don't get too carried away now...'' Ed grinned a bit.

Jean grinned ferally. "Causing intense pain to others makes me happy."

''Come on, lets go.'' Ed made to drag Jean out of the room by the hand.

"I was _kidding_."

''You think I didn't know that? Come on, I know you well enough to say that's not at all like you, and if you meant it, _then _I reserve the right to be scared.''

"Well... causing intense pain to those two will make me happy. They deserve it." He allowed himself to be dragged, lapsing into dark mutterings about how he wasn't a dog of any flavor.

Ed shot him a glance at that and sighed, slowing down to a less energetic pace.

Jean snapped out of his funk. "Why are we slowing down?"

''Because you were mumbling again. I figured I should let you go your own pace.'' Really it was because Ed knew damn well what Jean was mumbling to himself about, but he'd leave that alone for now.

"Moot point, anyway. We're here."

Ed absently wondered who else was going to be there.

Jean knocked on the door. "Yo. We're here."

Luce poked his head out. "Oh! Come on in, chickadees. This mess is a _place_!"

Ed blinked and let that sentence sink in for a second. ''You're really strange sometimes...''

Luce grinned. "I try, bully." He opened the door all the way. "Come on, the party's waiting."

Ed gave Jean's hand a brief squeeze and wandered in, golden eyes looking about curiously. He'd never really _been_ to a party, except maybe birthday parties when he was little, but he wasn't stupid enough to count those.

Iden leaned around his twin, waving cheerfully to Ed. On the other hand, Jean made a beeline to Aiden to yell at him about the little 'present.'

Ed shook his head at Jean and almost laughed. He returned Iden's wave with a grin, finishing his sweep of the room. His grin faded into something a lot less friendly at the sight of a particular redhead, and he steered towards Jean with the intention of striking up conversation with one of the two brothers.

Iden was trying to mollify the ticked-off blonde. "Jean, I'm sure it was a totally harmless joke."

"Like hell it was," Jean growled. "It was _black_, it was _leather_, and there was a chain leash! What the hell kind of joke was that!"

''What's this about a leash now?'' Ed blinked.

Ashton glanced up, watching the others absently. He really wondered why he was here. Parties weren't his favorite thing, after all. Maybe Jean and Ed being here would make this more interesting, though.

Jean snarled. "None of your damn --"

Lucifer popped over. "Oh! Are we talking about Jean's newest bit of jewelry? Such a _lovely_ collar that..." He was promply bapped over the head by a very grumpy Jean.

''A _collar_!'' Ed nearly squeaked.

Across the room Ashton just grinned and tried not to laugh.

"Yes, a collar," Jean snapped. "These two jokers thought it would be funny to give me one, and I am _not_ happy about it." Truth be told, it sounded like Jean was more than happy to rip both of their throats out with his teeth.

''Jean...'' Ed was slightly worried about the taller man's tone of voice.

Iden put his hand on Ed's shoulder. "He'll be fine," he murmured. "He'll get over it sooner or later."

Ed sighed. ''Got anything to drink? I'm kinda thirsty..''

Luce did his unholy grin again. "Sure. Coffee or juice?"

Aiden rolled his eyes and pinched his twin when Iden made to object.

''Juice is fine...'' Ed eyed that look on Luce's face warily.

Lucifer hummed cheerfully, pouring Ed a cheap styrofoam cup of apple juice. "Here ya go, boya."

''Thanks...'' Ed took a drink. ''So... Who invited the jackass?'' It was obvious Ed was referring to Ashton, who was occupying himself with a bag of chips.

Luce grinned again. "Me! We should all be close friends, considering that we all hang out together. Besides," he said piteously, "he was lonely." His gold eyes flicked over to Jean, who was sipping at a mug of coffee. His grin turned slightly evil.

Ed narrowed his eyes slightly, sipping his drink. ''What's that supposed to mean...''

Ashton glanced up again. He wanted to join in, but he knew damn well how that would go over with Ed and Jean.

"Exactly what it sounds like," Luce said, suddenly entirely lucid. "He was alone in the dorm room you two _share_, and I thought he might like some company. It _is_ a rather special holiday today."

''There's a _reason_ he's alone in there you know...'' Ed mumbled. He stared idly at the bottom of his empty cup with a frown.

"I'm sure there is," Luce soothed. "And it probably has to do with Jean and lots of free sex. Have some more juice."

Ed shot a particularly foul look at Luce. ''More like it just has to do with _him_''

Luce blithely ignored him. "Now, the sex is probably fabulous," he said happily. "I've heard that he's a _very_ good kisser..." He shot Ed a sly look. "Ever applied those talents to anything else?"

Ed flushed crimson. ''That's none of your business!'' He downed the next cup quickly to keep from spouting anything stupid.

Ashton grinned to himself at the look on Ed's face, sipping on a drink he brought himself, and for good reason.

"No need to get huffy," Luce said pleasantly, excusing himself. He noticed Aiden was drinking, cup for cup, the same amout Ed was. He ambled over to Ashton. "Enjoying the floor show?"

''I should say that Ed really can't hold his liquor... But I distinctly remember it being rather interesting the last time I got him drunk...'' Ashton tilted his head slightly. ''What _are_ you up to, I wonder...''

"That, my friend, is a secret known only to the ghosts." Luce's face broke into a more normal smile. "Honestly, I'm just trying to get a rise out of him. Besides, he's so very fun to pester."

''That I can agree with...'' The redhead lifted an eyebrow. ''You hit the coffee too, didn't you?''

Luce chucked. "How can you tell?"

''Just a sense I've got...'' Ashton sipped his drink, watching Ed go back for a fourth cup, already showing the signs. ''So who's going to carry Ed out of here once he passes out?''

"I was just thinking about letting everyone pass out gracefully and dealing with the hangovers tomorrow." Lucifer nodded towards Jean. "Ah. He can't hold his alcohol, either. At least he's quiet."

''That works... You really want to let Ed go until he passes out? This could get...'' Ashton got a Look in his visible eye.

Lucifer laughed a scary laugh. "No. Just stay here and watch the fireworks, all right?" Without waiting for Ashton's murmur of acknowledgment, Lucifer moved slowly forward, making sure Ed saw him.

Ashton watched as told, amused at the slightly blurry confusion on Ed's face.

Lucifer smiled benignly at Ed, then reached over to gently stroke a sleepy Jean's hair. "I can see what makes you all so attracted to him," he remarked conversationally, leaning over. "He's quite sexy like this..." He leaned over to kiss Jean. And not chastely, either.

Ed's eyes probably couldn't get any wider. Ashton was surprised the possessive little blonde didn't deck Luce good for that. He wasn't surprised at all, however, when Ed took over where Lucifer left off, with a few more perks. _Oh, this is worth it..._

Jean's eyes fluttered open. "M'mm?" Blue blinked, then the young man began to panic.

Ed shot a glare at Luce, taking a seat in Jean's lap, arms around the taller blonde's neck. ''Mine...'' he mumbled, nipping just under Jean's ear without a care as to who was watching.

Luce retreated, rubbing a bruised wrist. "I would say, piss him off even more by trying to go kiss Jean," he said wryly to Ashton. "But I think I like you too much."

Jean froze, preservation instincts kicking in. Ed was possessively marking him -- he already had enough bruises, thanks much -- and Ashton was watching them with something akin to... oh, hell, he couldn't even think in a straight line anymore.

''It's been a while since I've seen him like that...'' Ashton muttered to himself, giving up on resistance. ''Hold this for a minute, will you...'' he handed his drink to Lucifer and walked over to the others. It didn't really take much to get Ed standing again, and Ashton took no time in pulling him into a kiss. Lips parted for him and _god_ it was sweet, the smallest moan filtering up from Ed's throat sending shivers down his spine and he couldn't help it. He knew it was just the alcohol that made Ed act this way, but he couldn't _help_ it!

Lucifer folded his arms, leaning back against the wall, a small smirk gracing his lips. "Well done," he murmured. "Though, he's going to be angry when he's sober."

Ashton finally broke away with a sligtly sad look towards Jean. _He's yours now... Take good care of him..._ With that he retreated back to his corner, taking his drink back but not drinking it. ''I should leave...'' he murmured softly to nobody.

"Stay," Luce said gently. "There's no good reason for you to leave."

''I'll do it again if I stay... And I won't be able to stop myself from doing more...'' Ashton swallowed hard. ''For their sakes and mine I need to leave...'' He watched as Ed steadied himself against Jean, golden eyes looking his way, confusion and slight hurt written all over the blonde's face. ''And as much as I'd love to... I've already hurt him enough...''

Luce sighed. "Go on, then. I guess the party's over." He grinned wryly at Ashton. "You're quite the faithful type, aren't you?"

''What makes you say that..'' the redhead replied absently, looking anywhere but at Ed.

"You haven't even touched Jean, even though you were obsessed with him at one point. I find that slightly strange, what with him lying there, entirely too vulnerable..."

''Just say what you're getting at already...'' Ashton knew though. And he knew that if he looked up now he'd have to go back for more.

Luce chuckled. "I doubt anyone will care once the hangover hits," he pointed out.

''You still haven't made your point, Luce...''

The pale-blonde man spread his hands innocently. "Repression is a terrible thing. Ed and Jean have already figured that out. You...? Not so much."

''He's not mine to have anymore...'' He absently wondered if Jean had even been paying attention. ''They've found each other again and all I'll ever be now is just that prick who can't keep his hands and eyes off of them...''

"Maybe. Then again, maybe not."

''Sure...'' Ashton looked up briefly, noticing Ed now trying to get Jean to pay attention to him. What he wouldn't give to have that again... ''Thank you, though...''

"For what? Being a brat?"

''For this chance, this moment...'' _I only wish I could take him back to my – _our –_ room... He wouldn't protest in this state but morning would be a different story..._ He sighed and shook his head at the thought.

"Go to bed. You're exhausted." Luce glanced over at Ed. "Whoops. Don't look over there. Ow. My brain." Yes, he was back to being a flake again.

''Thanks...'' Ashton patted Luce on the shoulder. ''And have fun with cleanup in the morning.'' With that, he slipped off quietly out the door.

"Cleanup. Ha. More like _brainwashing_..."

†

A/N: My sincerest apologies for the massive skip ahead in time. There was a logistics issue and we didn't have time to go back and fix it. :bows: Again, profuse apologies for any confusion.


	13. And You Think You Have Problems

And You Think You Have Problems

**Rating**: PG-13 for obvious language

•

A lazy grin spread across Ashton's lips as he leaned over slightly, watching Jean sleep. He would have thought that by now, as many times as he'd snuck in, the blonde would have actually had the sense to lock the door and window. One finger traced along Jean's jaw bone lightly. ''As pretty as you are asleep I can think of more entertaining circumstances...''

Jean murred in his sleep, trying to wave off whatever was crawling across his jaw. He curled tighter around his pillow.

Ashton just chuckled, leaning in closer. He let his tongue trace the shell of Jean's ear and tried again. ''Come on, now... I don't have all day to wait for Ed to come kick my ass for even being here... Let me enjoy it a little first...''

No one had ever accused Jean of being slow to wake up. Slow on the uptake, yes, but that was different. He somehow managed to sit bolt upright, send a flying punch in Ashton's vicinity, and scrub his ear at a near-simultaneous interval.

Ashton managed to avoid the hit – it seemed those months spent waking Ed up in a similar fashion had paid off – and he just grinned. ''Morning.''

Jean snarled and managed to launch himself in a truly impressive short-range rugby tackle that brought the both of them to the floor. Unfortunately (for Ashton, at any rate) the redhead took the brunt of the force.

Slightly dazed, Ashton blinked. That had been unexpected. Oh, right, pain, well that was nothing new, although it earned a wince and a near hiss due to the fact that he'd taken an impressive blow to the stomach from Ed just the other day. But pain of the physical kind wasn't so much to him. ''Would you have done that if Ed had pulled the same thing?''

Jean growled. His coffee maker had _broken_ and now this silly ass had decided to wake him up from a nice, oblivious sleep. "He's smart enough to leave me alone when I'm pissed."

''You were asleep, how the hell would anybody know you were pissed?'' Ashton didn't make a move.

Jean's hands tightened painfully on Ashton's arms. "That bouncing ball of fucking lunacy that you like to call Lucifer was proclaiming very loudly earlier that my coffee maker had died," he hissed. "And it's his fucking fault that it did!"

''Want to borrow mine? I never use it now that Ed's rooming with you...'' The redhead couldn't help but grin at his own predicament, and at the way Jean hovered over him like a crazed animal. It was almost amusing.

The grin did not improve Jean's mood at all. "Get. Out," he snarled. He moved up, dragging Ashton with him.

''You know, no matter how many times you say that the result is never any different...'' Ashton, as usual, made no move to leave, prompted or not. As he'd always said before, he'd leave when he was damn well ready.

Anger sparked pure and clear in blue eyes. He grabbed Ashton's arm in a hard grip and _hauled._

That look had Ashton pausing for thought. ''Ever think to ask nicely for a change?''

"I did!" was the growled answer.

'' 'Get out' is not asking nicely, Jean...''

"You never fucking pay attention to me when I _do_ ask nicely, so what's the point?"

''Maybe it'll finally sink in?'' Ashton shrugged. ''Either way, could you please let go of my arm?''

Jean's hand just tightened and he resumed his trek to the door.

''You make yourself just as bad as me by ignoring when I ask nicely, you know...'' The redhead sighed, holding his ground despite the pain to his arm.

"Does it look like I _care_ right now? You woke me up!" Jean's glare could rival a basilisk's for pure poison.

''Do you have any idea what that look does to me?'' Ashton nearly purred.

Jean just... stopped. He sent a glare Ashton's way, though confusion lessened its impact somewhat.

Neither of them heard the door open, and Ashton managed to free his arm, fingers brushing against Jean's cheek as he leaned in, lips briefly touching his. He closed his eyes at the sound of something falling to the floor and then glanced over. The look he saw in golden eyes could only mean one thing and he realized what he'd just played out, mentally cursing himself. It was just one more thing Ed could hate him for...

For a split second their entire surroundings had changed and Ed knew the place too well. The only difference was that now the killer had a face, and everything clicked into place. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach, the look of shock on his face transforming into pure, seething hatred. ''It was _you_...''

Jean thumped to the floor, barely able to cope with everything. A disturbing memory had curled out of cold storage... he began to shiver uncontrollably.

''Get the fuck out of here!'' Ed hissed, pushing Ashton away from Jean and dropping to the floor to wrap his arms around the shivering man. Ashton turned and left by way of the still open door, closing it behind him. -Fucked up again, when will I ever learn to quit doing shit like that...-

"Well," Jean said gamely, trying to grin. "I guess you know now..."

''I've known him longer... I should have seen it before... That nightmare... I was too focused on you to notice that he was even there...'' Ed forced himself to get off that topic, pulling Jean closer. ''You going to be okay?''

"He didn't kill -you-," Jean reminded him faintly, face buried in Ed's shoulder.

''I know...'' was all Ed could think to say, holding Jean tight and gently stroking his hair. Jean sighed, curling closer.

''I should've seen it...'' Ed mumbled, resting his head against Jean's. ''I should kick his ass for that...''

"Don't. It's not worth it." Jean looked up, eyes hopeful. "Can you figure out how to fix the coffee machine?"

Ed smiled down at him. ''I'll see what I can do, and if I can't figure it out on my own, I'm sure there's a book that can tell me how.''

Jean hummed happily in response, but made no move to get up.

''Whenever you decide you want me to do that, then...'' The smaller blonde dropped an affectionate kiss on the top of Jean's head. ''Any other requests?''

"Mmph." Jean nuzzled Ed's neck drowsily.

''We should at least move to the bed, Jean... It'd be uncomfortable to fall asleep like this here on the floor...''

Jean gave a kittenish growl of displeasure, making a spirited crawl for his bed.

Ed sighed softly and went to help pull Jean up onto the bed. ''You silly...''

"Bastard woke me out of a sound sleep..." Jean said grouchily. He burrowed under the covers. "Wake me up at noon. I have class at two."

Ed checked his watch and set the alarm in case he dozed off reading. That aside, he crawled up alongside Jean with a book and got comfortable.

Jean shifted, wiggling over to lay snugly alongside Ed, one arm across the other man's hips and his face buried in his side.

''Sleep well...'' Ed smiled and couldn't resist ruffling Jean's hair just a bit before opening his book to where he'd left off.

•†•

Jean rested his chin on folded hands, staring levelly past the professor. There were chicken-scratch markings on the board, but he ignored the calculus. Other things were on his mind right then.

He had known for quite a while that Ashton (or Fawkes, or Deceit, or whoever the hell he had been) was the guilty party when he died.

There were other problems Jean had to deal with.

Item one: Deceit (as he should be called for clarity's sake; after all Ashton hadn't made a move to physically hurt him, which was a relief) had killed him. Twice. He remembered vaguely two fights, both of which had ended up with Jean with a bullet in his lung. So... was Ashton the same? Jean had seen the occasional flicker of insanity cross the redhead's features. But quite honestly, he wasn't sure about his own sanity.

Item two: He was beginning to remember things that... weren't exactly pleasant. War, for one. The nightmares that weren't his bothered him immensely. Well, they _were_ his, but not. They were his in the sense that he could remember them and they touched hidden chords in his emotions, but they weren't his because he hadn't ever killed anybody.

Item three: He was remembering Things that had no connection to Ed. It was obvious that his life hadn't revolved solely around Ed. To even think that was stupid. But he knew that most of the more important events had involved Ed directly, or even indirectly.

He was also beginning to recognize – albeit vaguely – faces from his dreams. Some of them even had names now: Liza Hawkeye, Alphonse Elric, Lisa Delgardie, and other friends and acquaintances that were only halfway important.

Jean nibbled the tip of his pen. And the debacle earlier that day had not only reminded Ed of his/their deaths, but had reminded _him_ of a shape-shifting something that was a complete and total bastard. His knees and shoulders _still_ twinged from thinking about it.

One thing for sure: staying around Ed and Ashton was going to be utterly hair-raising.


	14. Events Eventuated

Events Eventuated

**Rating**: PG-13

Jean glanced wearily over at the coffee maker. It was eleven at night, he was trying to get a Black Plague paper done, the coffee wouldn't go faster, and _dammit_ he still felt gross from the hangover from two days ago.

Ed looked up from his book, glancing at Jean with a slight yawn. He stretched and put the book aside, moving up beside the taller blonde to have a peek at what he was writing.

Jean sighed, smiling wanly at the boy over his shoulder. "'Lo. Any ideas on how the bubonic plague affected the twentieth century?"

''Yeah, we learn about it in school now...'' Ed rested his chin on Jean's shoulder. ''Just like all the rest of history.'' He stifled another yawn.

"You're no help at all. Go to bed." He typed out a few more words, squinting at the screen. His left hand groped for a history book. "I'm trying to build a case for the plague affecting science and warfare even to the point of the atomic bomb..."

''Good luck with that...'' Ed didn't move.

"Well, no, it makes sense. The plague contributed to an eventual decline in religious belief and that helped fuel the Renaissance and later the Enlightenment which gave us all sorts of nifty ideas --" he interrupted himself with a yawn. "Which eventually gave way to atomic theory."

''M'kay... When are you coming to bed?'' Ed yawned as well, leaning a bit.

"As soon as I get this done..." The coffee machine beeped. "Be a good person and get me a cup of coffee, please?"

''But how long is that gonna be?'' Ed reluctantly moved from Jean's shoulder to retrieve said cup.

"Hell if I know. I'm thinking about finishing this paragraph, then hitting the sack. It's not due for another few days." He took the cup from Ed with a murmur of thanks.

''That shouldn't take long then, right?'' Ed rested his chin once more on Jean's shoulder.

Jean gulped a mouthful of coffee. "Don't think so..." He thought for a minute, then typed a sentence out. "Your chin's pointy."

''M'sorry...'' Ed mumbled, sitting down and resting his head against Jean's leg instead. ''S'better?''

"Much, thanks." He got hit with a sudden brainstorm and typed furiously. "If you're that tired, you should go to bed."

''Dun wanna without you...'' came the half mumbled reply. ''I go, you're comin' too...''

Jean snorted. "That level of attachment can't be healthy..." The coffee had rebooted his brain and he was on a rip.

''Is it so wrong to want to fall asleep next to you?'' Ed nuzzled against Jean's leg a bit. ''Almost done?'' It was a silly question to ask, of course, but he still asked. He reminded himself of a child on a road trip, 'are we there yet?'

"Almost."

Ed sighed and closed his eyes. ''Okay...''

"Brat." He was pretty sure he had missed a few details in the paper, but he was too tired to worry. The coffee was good for momentary inspiration, but he'd have to hit the library soon.

''But you love me anyway.'' Ed retorted sleepily.

"M'm." He saved the file, setting his computer into warm shutdown. "I'm done."

Golden eyes blinked tiredly up at Jean and Ed somehow managed to get to his feet. In the past ten minutes he'd managed to go from being fully awake and functional to barely awake and slightly coherent.

Jean got up, groaning as his back creaked ominously. He lurched a few paces then fell, his upper body landing neatly across the bed.

Ed crawled up into a small space not occupied by Jean and just stared at him. ''C'mon...''

"M'comfy," he mumbled into the mattress. "Go 'way."

''Nuh uh... C'mon Jean...'' Ed tugged sleepily on his boyfriend's arm.

Jean sighed. "Bugger." He crawled up and nestled himself against the headboard.

Ed curled around a pillow and watched Jean, starting to get just a bit irritated.

The taller blonde yawned sleepily. He noticed the scowl on Ed's face and blinked, somewhat confused.

Ed sighed and stretched, proceeding to nestle right up against Jean.

Jean hummed happily, scrunching himself up to comfortably fit against Ed.

''G'night, Jean...'' Ed mumbled softly, trying and failing to suppress a yawn.

"M'mm..." Jean pressed a brief kiss to Ed's temple, then fell quickly asleep.

Golden eyes spared a glance at the sleeping Jean and Ed let out a soft, content sigh. One arm snaked around the taller man's waist before he too surrendered himself to sleep.

•†•

Ed awoke a bit earlier than he would've liked to. The run was shining in his face, so he pulled the majority of the covers over his head to block it out. Coffee would have fixed his mood a bit, but he didn't feel like getting up, instead wriggling back up against Jean to get comfortable.

The blonde in question grunted, slightly sullen at being used as a throw-pillow. It didn't help that something sharp and bony connected quite solidly with his stomach.

Ed refused to open his eyes, still hoarding the blanket on his face to keep the light out.

Still half-asleep, Jean lifted his head slightly. He growled at Ed's piggishness with the blanket, tugging on it.

The smaller blonde gave in, letting the blanket go in favor of nuzzling his face up under Jean's chin instead.

Right before Jean dropped back into his nice, warm nap, someone pounded on the door and Luce's voice caroled cheerily, "Coffee, little ducklings!"

Ed groaned softly, loath to move from where he was. But coffee did sound good, and he slowly uncurled to stretch.

"His timing sucks," was all Jean was willing to say before he snugged back into the comforter.

''M'mm...'' Ed nodded, dropping a quick kiss on Jean's cheek and sliding out of bed. He managed to get to the door without falling down, that was a good sign, and opened it to give Luce the gift of a sleepy glare. ''Why d'you hafta do that...''

Luce grinned in the general direction of a sleepily growling Jean. "He's so edible half-asleep. Did I interrupt anything?"

''Sleep...'' Ed growled, about ready to slam the door in his face for that comment.

"Kidding! Well, no, but I brought a gift." He held two gigantic styrofoam cups of gently steaming coffee just barely out of Ed's reach.

Ed eyed the cups, just the smell waking him up a little more. ''If it's a gift why are you holding them where I can't get them...''

"M'mm... because I'm evil incarnate and I fancy your boyfriend?" It was hard to tell if the tall man was kidding or not.

''Get out of here, I'll make my own coffee...'' Ed just glared, but still not with the level of vehemence he would have used had he been fully awake.

"You sure have a piss-poor sense of humor in the morning." He raised his voice slightly. "Jean. Here, boy. Coffee!"

The tall blonde rose slowly from the bed, turning around and snarling, "I am _not_ a fucking _dog_!"

''Just hand over the coffee and maybe this can go without incident...'' The smaller blonde was functional enough to know that the tone Jean was using usually meant bad things would happen to the person it was directed to.

"Right oh!" With a crescent-moon grin, Luce handed over the cups and disappeared.

Ed nudged the door shut with his foot and steered back towards Jean, holding out one of the cups. ''I wish he'd stop doing things like that...''

Jean neatly ignored him, being stuck in a grade-A sulk. He hated dogs with a passion and being called one made the proverbial hackles rise.

Ed sighed and went to put the drink down, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and sipping his own. ''Because you won't even listen to me when he does...'' he muttered to himself.

Jean curled around himself, intent on pretending the world didn't exist. Denial was a comfortable state of being.

''Your coffee is going to get cold if you keep that up you know...'' Ed set his cup down as well, moving over to comfort the taller blonde. ''Come on...''

The sulky man growled a warning, but it wasn't a very good one. Besides, Ed was used to his early-morning sulks and would probably ignore it.

''If you won't snap out of it for coffee, what _will_ you snap out of it for?'' Ed nuzzled up against Jean.

The growl turned into something close to a purr. "Coffee's fine," Jean murmured.

A triumphant smile flashed on Ed's face and he moved away from Jean just long enough to snatch the two cups and return, offering Jean his again.

Jean took his, sipping gingerly at the hot liquid. "How the hell do you _do_ that?"

''Who knows...'' The smaller blonde snuggled up next to Jean again, happily sipping his own drink.

"One of these days, I'm going to have a sulk that you can't get me out of," he remarked, peeling the sippy cap off the cup and peering into the liquidy depths.

Ed just smiled. ''We'll see about that. I can't imagine anything that would get you into one _that_ bad...''

"Neither can I, short of you sleeping with someone else." He nibbled on the edge of the cup before taking a long drink.

''But you know I'd never do that to you...'' Ed snuggled closer, still just sipping his coffee. He really didn't need it so much right now anyway. He was perfectly content just to sit here and do nothing all day.

"M'mm..." Jean sighed. "I'm going to have to go to the library later today... I don't want to, but I'd like to pass my history class..."

''Hm...'' Ed moved away again to set his cup on the bedside table before returning to his snuggling. ''How late is later?''

"Noon-ish."

''What time is it now...'' Ed looked up at Jean, rather than at the clock.

"Nine-ish. I think." He scowled. "What time did I get to bed last night? Was Iden in here before or after?"

''I stopped paying attention to the time around eleven, I don't remember him coming in but maybe I just didn't notice.''

"M'mm." Jean yawned slightly.

''Anything you want to do before then?'' Ed shifted to curl up against Jean. If the answer was no, he could at least get comfortable for a while.

"That's up to you, I think..."

Ed smiled and slid his arms around Jean's waist. ''Just finish your coffee and I'll think about it, then...''

"You thinking is a dangerous thing," Jean mumbled into his coffee.

''If you say so...'' the smaller blonde murmured lazily against Jean's side.

"It's true. You can get me into a lot of trouble..." Jean trailed off dreamily.

Ed chuckled and sat up, nipping up under Jean's ear. ''Is that so? I'm no troublemaker...''

"No, it just seems to follow you wherever you go."

''Not _my_ fault...'' Ed rested his chin on Jean's shoulder. ''You done with that yet?''

"Almost." He sipped it again. "I'll have to thank Luce. _After_ I pound him into mulch."

''At least you're thanking him at all.'' Ed let out a sigh and kissed Jean's neck. ''You have a planned time you'll be doing that?''

"After I get him for the collar, I think."

''When will that be do you think?'' Another kiss, this time a little closer to his jaw.

"As soon as I can convince Aiden to put itching powder in his bed." He paused. "But I have to go after him for that stupid kiss, too. Damn, he really seems intent on pissing me off, doesn't he?"

''Seems like he's just trying to piss me off too...'' Ed eyed the cup in Jean's hand and sighed again, nibbling on the taller blonde's earlobe to keep from asking if he was done yet.

Jean ducked his head. "Ed, stop distracting me. I'm plotting revenge."

That earned a pout. ''Can't you plot revenge later?''

"Depends on what you want to do to distract me."

''You done with that coffee yet?'' Ed leaned forward a bit, back to nibbling on Jean's ear.

"Mmph. You know, I was more expecting you to come up with some excruciating tortures yourself." Jean was struck with a horrible thought. "Unless you _like_ the idea of me in a collar..." He blanched white at the very thought of it.

''Wouldn't dream of it.'' Ed moved his arms up around Jean's neck. ''That would just be weird...''

"Thank God." Jean tried to maneuver his coffeecup so he wouldn't spill any while drinking. Dribbling coffee down his chin was not something he enjoyed doing, and he liked spilling it on Ed even less. Sometimes the kid squalled like a disenfranchised banshee.

''Should I move?'' Ed murmured, not really wanting to, but giving Jean the option anyway.

"Move your arm, preferably. You're fine." Yes, in the morning, coffee was more important than Ed. Sue him.

Arms back at Jean's waist, Ed was content for now to just tease the taller blonde's neck with gentle nips and licks. At least until Jean was done with his coffee.

Jean drained his cup. "Don't you have a paper you're supposed to be working on?"

''It can wait for the library...'' Ed nipped a bit harder than he'd meant to.

Jean flinched. "Be careful, will you?"

''Sorry...'' Ed soothed the spot with his tongue. ''I didn't mean to...'' He sighed and rested his head against Jean's shoulder.

"M'mm... I know. But it still hurt."

''Sorry...'' Ed snuggled close.

"I told you, it's all right..."

Ed sighed again, moving around a bit so he could sit in Jean's lap, head nestled up under his chin.

"Why so glum?" Jean absently toyed with the loose ends of Ed's hair.

''Who said I was glum? I'm comfy.'' Ed replied, stealing a quick kiss. ''There's nothing wrong with that, right?''

"Nope. I --"

Iden didn't even bother to knock before opening the door. Not like the two blonds would even notice if they were doing... things... They hadn't before, and Iden sorely wished he had some sort of mental bleach to wash out the images. "Morning?"

Ed was loath to move from where he was, so he didn't. ''Morning...''

"Oh, good. I didn't want to have to undergo the nagging feeling that _yes_, spiking my own eyes out would be a good thing with roommates like you two." He closed the door, leaning casually against it. "Anything new happening?"

''Not really... Uh... What did you mean by the whole spiking your eyes out thing anyway...'' Ed wasn't actually sure he wanted to know, and had a good idea of what it implied already.

"Let's just say you don't always hear me knocking." He smiled faintly at the horrified look on Ed's face. "Don't worry, I've learned my lesson."

Ed buried his face against Jean's shoulder. The thought that Iden had... Oh _god_... That brought up another horrifying thought. If they didn't notice Iden... Who _else_ could have seen them? That, combined with the knowledge that Ashton tended to make random unexpected visits made Ed feel almost sick.

Jean coughed a little, bright red. "We probably could have lived without that..."

"So could I," Iden said wryly. "Fortunately, I seem to be the only person with that particular brand of bad luck."

Ed didn't appear to care, face still buried against Jean's shoulder so he wouldn't have to show off his blush.

Iden wandered over to sit on his bed. "Any ideas on why Luce made the rounds with enormous cups of coffee for the six of us this morning?"

Finally, Ed managed to slide out of Jean's lap to sit next to him. ''So it wasn't just us? I've got no clue... But it doesn't seem it was drugged or anything...''

Iden chuckled. "So suspicious? I don't really blame you, what with everything he's done to you two. Luckily, he's leaving for Thanksgiving, so anyone who's staying doesn't have to deal with him."

''Well, that's good for those staying. I've been hounded into going home, too, even though I don't really want to...'' Ed scratched the back of his head a bit, stifling a yawn.

"How come?" Iden asked, in his incurable, but well-bred, nosiness.

''I'm only going back because my mother asked me to...'' Ed shrugged.

"And your father?" Iden could sometimes be labeled a 'pest', Jean thought idly. Even though he was curious too, but he knew Ed well enough not to talk about something the smaller blonde hadn't already brought up.

Ed toyed with his hair a bit. ''I hate him... We always fight...''

Jean put a hand on top of Ed's head. "Eh, don't feel bad. At least your parents aren't sending you letters about how you would've been better off in the military."

''Doesn't mean I'm going to enjoy my holiday...'' Ed found a tangle and winced, reaching for his brush.

Jean rolled his eyes and tossed the brush to Ed when the kid couldn't reach it. "It's only a week, you're not going to die. If it's that bad, Uncle Paul extends an invitation to get your ass down to Ohio for Christmas with me and him. He says he's going to bribe you with more books."

''Really? He doesn't have to bribe me to spend the holidays with you... But if he insists I can't turn down the books!'' Ed grinned a bit, snatching a tie from the nightstand and holding it in his teeth until he finished brushing his hair.

"M'm... he managed to get his hands on a copy of The Golden Chain of Homer, apparently. He also has a library of stuff you can pick through. Being a bachelor, he's a bit of a bibliophile, if you haven't noticed." Jean winced as Ed shifted his weight and hit his numbed leg. "Ouch."

''Wow...'' was all Ed could think to say. ''I could learn to like him, as long as he doesn't keep asking me things all the time... It's a bit unnerving...''

Jean grinned. "He's just making sure you won't kill me in my sleep." The grin turned into a grimace when he stretched out his leg. "Ow. Pins and needles from _hell_."

''Right...'' Ed plucked the tie from his mouth and pulled his hair back into its usual ponytail.

Iden smiled at the two blondes. "So I'm assuming that a Christmas party will be in order before we all leave for holiday break?"

''As long as somebody other than Lucifer is fixing the drinks...'' Ed ran the brush through is ponytail once just to make sure it wasn't tangled before setting the brush aside. ''And mistletoe is a Really Bad Idea.''

Iden tried to spare Ed's feelings by not grinning outright. "I'll be diplomatic and not inquire which of the two worst-case-scenarios would be worse for you."

Ed just tried not to glare. Getting anybody drunk would not be good, but setting up mistletoe so Luce or Ashton could take full advantage of it was even worse. He would almost rather be drunk than have to watch somebody else kiss Jean.

"Luce may not even come," Jean pointed out, getting to his feet and wobbling over to the closet.

''It's the perfect opportunity to piss us both off. Why wouldn't he come?'' Ed was only trying to be logical.

"It's a Christian holiday. He claims they give him a stomach ache," Iden said with a scowl. "It's just his excuse to go off with his... erm... catamite."

''Whatever...'' Ed shrugged.

Jean ran a hand through his hair. "But he may decide to be Evil and Sneaky," he said glumly.

''My point exactly.'' Ed nodded. ''But I can't think of what could happen that would be bad as long as there's no mistletoe and he's not in charge of the drinks.''

"Dunno," Jean said, a touch of humor in his voice. "Catnip in the cookies?"

Ed rolled his eyes.

Iden frowned. "But catnip only affects cats, not humans," he pointed out. "It would do nothing other than taste very odd."

"Never mind," Jean said, the corner of his mouth quirking. "It was a bad joke."

Ed didn't find the thought very funny. It completely slipped his mind at the time that catnip was like an aphrodisiac to some cats.

Jean reached up to grab a sweater. "Is this going to be a gift-giving thing? Considering I'm a starving college student, I don't even have the money to buy Ed a gift."

''Then maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea... It's not really fair if some people can't afford to contribute...'' Ed commented.

Iden smiled happily. "It won't be a problem."

''... Okay...'' Ed pondered what that meant. ''Either way, there's plenty of time between here and there to plan...''

"True. And I promise not to put catnip in the cookies," Iden said, still smiling.

Ed idly fidgeted with his ponytail. ''Right...''

Iden got up. "Well, I just need to grab some books and I'm off to the library. Luce is off-campus for the day now, so you don't have to worry about him until seven."

''That's good to know...'' Ed got up and moved to the window, then back to the bed, seemingly unable to sit still at the moment.

"See you. Shall I drop by so we can go to supper together, or just bypass the room entirely and kick Luce out to share a room with Ashton?"

Jean had the grace to blush.

Ed occupied himself with his ponytail again. ''I think supper sounds fine, don't you think, Jean?''

"Yep."

Iden grinned. "I'll come get you two at seven. See you then, kids!" He shut the door firmly -- maybe a little _too_ firmly -- behind him.

Ed looked to Jean then. ''We've still got some time before noon...''

"That we do," Jean allowed.

''Then come here...''


	15. Misunderstood Intentions

Misunderstood Intentions

**Rating**: R for language

The first tip-off that Ed had that he was dreaming was the fact that his room was clean. The second was the fact that there were two kittens curled up on the foot of his bed. Absently, he reached out to scritch the smaller of the two behind the ears. The kitten lifted its head and mewled at him, trying to nibble his fingers.

The bigger (and older one, Ed knew, though he wasn't sure how) meowed at the small one, batting at it. The small one meeped, crawling over Ed's lap. He winced at the sharp prick of the claws and tried to lift the tiny thing up. But the kitten stubbornly held onto his jeans, yowling.

_Oh, for..._ patiently, Ed unhooked every single tiny claw, scratching the ball of fluff gently. He had to go somewhere, had to do something, like juggling eggplants or something ridiculous like that.

God, he hated dreams.

He came back later (though he wasn't quite sure how long) after performing some totally inane and stupid task that really had no impact on anything whatsoever. And was promptly met with on of the weirdest (albeit... um... _sexiest_) scenes he had encountered in a good long while. There were two Jeans... one of them petting the other.

Ed blinked, convinced he was seeing double. But no, there were two Jeans. One was the well-known nineteen-year-old. The other looked older, taller, broader, stronger, the familiar face lined with age and stress. He didn't look quite right, either – there was a lingering strangeness in his eyes, and his smile was slightly too feral for comfort.

The older one leaned back on one hand, still petting _his_ Jean.

Havoc's smile gentled as Jean nuzzled into his leg like a sleepy cat. He tried to wiggle out from under the much-younger man to give Ed a chance, but Jean murred and curled tighter. Havoc looked up apologetically and shrugged at Ed, a wry grin tugging the corners of his mouth.

Ed watched, curious, as the bigger man went through several contortions and substituted a pillow for his leg. Jean just sighed sleepily.

Havoc meandered past, a brief touch on Ed's shoulder and that scary grin constricting Ed's throat before a firm push nudged him in the right direction.

_Oh, yeah... Now I remember why..._

Ed was feeling a little fuzzy when he reached out to touch the back of Jean's neck, smiling at the content purr. The taller blonde was so damn _sexy_ asleep. It made him want to take thorough advantage of the sleepy man...

Jean slithered up to curl provocatively around him, nuzzling against his body. He flushed. Well, there was the perfect opportunity...

Ed awoke with a strangled moan and Jean's name on his lips. Pushing himself into a sitting position, the first thing he was made painfully aware of was a raging hard-on. He'd only been away for two days now. This was far worse than he'd thought it would be. And that _dream_! Just the idea of _two_ Jean Havocs was enough to send happy little shivers down his spine and another sensation straight to his groin. He groaned. This was going to be a _long_ week.

•†•

Ashton lounged on the windowsill, enjoying a cigarette and the breeze all at once. Jean would be getting back any time now, and of course he'd be less than thrilled to find the redhead there, but he could care less. He flicked the butt off out the window and breathed out one last breath of smoke.

Jean sighed unhappily, dragging himself up the stairs to his room. He had accidentally hurt a couple of guys pretty badly during practice today, and he just felt like grade-A shit. That damn collar was bothering him more than a stupid inanimate object should, especially after nearly a month.

Ashton didn't bother to look up from the book he decided to 'read' upon hearing the door. He also didn't bother saying anything just yet.

Jean opened the door, looked up, and felt like crying. "You have the absolute worst timing in the world," he said tiredly. "Ed's not here, so sod off."

''I noticed that, if he was I would surely be bleeding right now.'' Ashton flipped a page absently, _certainly_ not reading a damn thing on it.

"That sounds attractive right now. Get out, I'm not in the mood to deal with you."

''Too bad, I'm not leaving until I feel like it. I came to see _you_ anyway.'' He finally looked up, tossing the book onto to bed.

Jean eyed his bed speculatively, wondering if the world, and more importantly Ashton, would go away if he crawled under the covers and hid.

Ashton ran his fingers through his hair, waiting for Jean to either decide what to do with him or leave. Preferably the former.

Jean settled for sitting down on the bed. "Well? What do you want now?" He'd do his ostrich imitation later.

''How about I just look at you and see if I can figure out just what it is about you other than the obvious good looks that I like. It can't be the sex, considering I haven't had it, but it sure seems to have made Ed happy.'' Ashton grinned.

Completely unamused, Jean whipped the book around. It smacked Ashton across the chest. "Cut the bullshit," he snarled. "Unless you want to be a bloody smear on the wall."

''Oh, but if you did that you'd go to prison and become somebody's pretty little bitch. I don't think you want that now...'' The book was placed aside after Ashton actually bothered reading the title.

Jean bared his teeth in an unpleasant grin. "I can kill you and get away with it."

''Maybe then but not here. I also somehow doubt you have the guts to do it like you are now... Oh, but if you do I wouldn't mind a little more pain in my life, I just don't seem to get enough of it.'' He glanced out the window this time, no hint of even a grin on his face.

"Spare me your angst," Jean said scornfully.

''Who said I've got any to spare you anyway?'' Ashton shifted to get more comfortable in the window.

"You have more than enough. If you're done here, the door's that way and unlocked."

''Why should I leave, I'd rather stay here a while. Be hospitable for once. I'd do the same for you, but you never come visit.''

"You should leave because I'm pissed, tired, miserable, and I just put two friends in the infirmary! Get _out_!" By this time, Jean's tone had again progressed to 'more than willing to rip someone's throat out'.

''Going to have me join them if I don't?'' Ashton didn't make a move.

Jean crumpled. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" he asked miserably.

_I don't know..._ ''You confuse me to no end.'' Ashton slid away from the window and leaned against the foot of the bed.

"Good."

''Not good. If you didn't confuse me like you do I might not find a reason to hang around.''

Jean looked up from his hands. "Are you a masochist or something? Wait, don't answer that. My sanity's slipping down the drain, and I'd rather not get blood on the floor."

''Contrary to popular belief, I do not enjoy pain, Jean.'' Ashton moved to sit next to the blonde on the bed.

"You say that, but you still have one hell of a knack for screwing yourself up." It was symptomatic of Jean's state of mind that he stopped caring that Ashton was moving closer.

''That's just shitty luck and not knowing when to quit or not caring one of the two. I got started on that young.'' Ashton wondered absently how much he could get away with, Jean like this and all. He almost didn't notice when he started to lean, but he didn't bother to correct himself.

"You must have been a nightmare as a kid."

''I wonder...'' Ashton wasn't going to go into _any_ details about his childhood. Not even going to _think_ about it. Instead, he was going to think about Jean and the why and the reason. It still didn't make sense to him. This wasn't just some petty obsession anymore, and he knew that. The question was, what _was_ it?

Jean belatedly noticed Ashton's move towards him and pushed him away. "Sod off."

The redhead came back anyway. ''What if I don't want to?'' He considered restraining Jean's wrists but thought better of it. _Maybe later..._

Jean gave up. Completely and totally beaten down by stress and exhaustion, he let his head fall forward.

''It's rather obvious you need to relax...'' Ashton pointed out, closer than he should have been to Jean's ear. ''I can help with that if you let me...''

"No." It was a flat-out refusal, and only an idiot, suicidal person, or someone very, very determined would ignore his tone of voice.

''Your loss...''

Jean breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

Ashton moved around behind Jean, back to back with him. He leaned back against the blonde and turned his head slightly. ''Sure you won't change your mind? It'll do you good, I promise...''

Rationally, Jean wanted to wiggle away and go hide somewhere. But right then, he didn't care: he was too tired to fight. "No. I don't know what you want, but the answer is and always will be no."

''I want nothing more than to help you relax. Is that such a bad thing?'' Ashton turned around, arms slipping around Jean's neck, breath hot against his ear. ''That really is my only intention right now...''

Jean panicked. He broke out of Ashton's admittedly loose grip, thumping to the floor and scrabbling away towards Iden's bed.

Ashton just shrugged. He supposed he'd found the limit on how much he could get away with. But he wasn't at all inclined to stop. ''And I thought we were making progress...''

Jean nearly whimpered.

With a soft sigh, Ashton left Jean's bed to close in on Jean again. ''Shall we try again then?''

Jean violently clocked his head against the sideboard of the bed. "Get the hell away from me!"

Something snapped and in the next moment Ashton had Jean's arms pinned, sitting on his legs. ''If I've heard that once I've heard it too many times!'' he hissed, eyes narrowed with a fierce gleam.

Jean tried to pry an arm loose. He writhed in an attempt to get Ashton off, his sore muscles protesting painfully.

The more Jean struggled the tighter Ashton held him. He hurt inside but it showed as anger. The last thing he needed was to be reminded of the absolute most painful day of his entire life.

Jean squeaked when he felt something inside his wrist creak. This was shaping up into an absolute bitch of a day, and for some obscure reason, he felt like Ashton's personal punching bag. Which did absolutely nothing to alleviate his stress levels.

Ashton rested his forehead against Jean's shoulder. ''I don't _want_ to hurt you, Jean... Will you stay put if I let you go?''

"Define 'stay put,'" Jean snapped.

''Will you not try to run or push me away? Just this once even?''

"Do I have a choice?" Jean was looking distinctly unhappy about all this.

''You always have a choice...'' Ashton's grip loosened minutely.

"I already told you, no." Something flashed in Ashton's eyes and Jean recoiled.

Ashton sighed, releasing Jean's wrists anyway. There were things he wanted right now that he wasn't going to get and he knew it, too. He leaned in, breath ghosting against Jean's neck. ''Sometimes I wish I'd gotten to you first...'' he murmured softly, just waiting to be shoved away.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jean asked warily. He could deal with this. It was only when Ashton tried full-out molestation that he got panicky.

''Nothing important...'' Ashton let his head rest in the crook of Jean's neck, closing his eyes and just taking this all in.

Okay, this was permissible, too. "Tell me. Now. Otherwise I'll throw you out the window and enjoy doing it."

''I'm not even sure myself what it means...'' Ashton murmured. He was acting funny again and he knew it. This wasn't usually like him, but he couldn't find a real reason to care. His arms crept up around Jean's shoulders for the sake of getting comfortable, and he made no other move.

Jean tensed slightly and didn't relax, even after the redhead stayed completely still.

''I'm not going to do anything to you, so relax... I just want to stay like this for a little while.. If that's too much to ask then I'll just leave...'' He almost found it funny how little he sounded like himself at the moment.

Jean had a hard time connecting the dots. Ashton, who usually didn't pull his punches when it came to things like this, was asking plaintively for permission to cuddle. He took two deep breaths and managed a slightly strangled, "All right."

Ashton mumbled a quiet 'thanks' and said nothing more. His eyes stung still from the painful memory that Jean had unknowingly brought back to the surface of his thoughts. Right now, he just wanted to remember warmth.

Jean sighed and let his head fall back to rest on the edge of the bed. "You're welcome, I guess."

Ashton had honestly been expecting to be pushed away long before now, but this was a pleasant change. He wondered how long he could stay like this, hell. He could probably fall asleep this way.

Jean sighed. He must be going absolutely bat-shit crazy. That was the only explanation he could think of at the moment.

The redhead wondered absently if Jean would mind him falling asleep. He figured that would be a yes, but he was almost finding it hard to think, in one of those half-asleep kinds of ways.

It wasn't long before Ashton just plain gave up on staying awake. He was altogether too comfortable to move, and for once, he wasn't being forced to. The warmth, along with the faint echo of Jean's pulse, slowly but surely lulled him to sleep.


	16. Interlude

Interlude

**Rating**: R

•†•

"Say what now?"

"Jean didn't bash Ashton's head in. Amazing, isn't it?"

"You're lying, aren't you."

Luce snorted. "Would I ever do that to you? Come on, you owe me ten bucks."

"I still think you have an unfair advantage," Aiden said, digging through his pockets. "You talk to that red-haired sociopath on a daily basis –"

"Do not," Luce said indignantly. "It was pure luck."

"Who the hell could have guessed that Jean wouldn't have decked him one."

"He's not Ed. Speaking of which, I don't think he's found out yet."

"Unless we want a nuclear meltdown on our hands, let's keep it that way, yes?"

"Spoilsport." Luce paused. "Did you hear the news?"

"What news? Ashton actually got some from Jean?"

"No, you pervert. Ed's staying Christmas with Jean."

"Huh?"

"Apparently, Ed threw a massive fit, threw Jean up against a wall and fucked him senseless. After Jean slept it off, he decided more or less spontaneously to drag Ed home with him to prevent that from ever happening again."

"Smart man."


	17. The Other Way

The Other Way

**Rating:** PG-13

Jean sat back on his heels. "I keep telling you, Ed, pack light. We're taking the train down to Cincy, and luggage is limited. Don't worry about the books," he added, grinning at the scowling blonde. "There's plenty more at home."

Ed grumbled a bit, sitting on his overstuffed suitcase in attempts at actually getting it closed.

Jean laughed. "Ed, we're going to be gone for only four weeks. I don't think you need that much."

''Four weeks is a long time, though!'' Ed bounced a little, trying to push everything down. ''Help me out here, will you?''

Jean pushed Ed out of the way and opened the bloated suitcase. "You don't need half of this stuff." He began rooting around.

''Dammit, I do too!''

"You're not going on vacation. If you need something, you can borrow from me." He wagged a book at Ed. "And you don't need your textbooks, either."

''What if I wanted to _study_!'' Ed snatched the book from Jean. ''And I don't think it would necessarily be a good idea for me to wander around the house in your clothes, which, I think you've noticed, are too big for me...''

"Fine, you can steal some of Al's stuff." Jean grinned sidelong at Ed. "Though, I wouldn't mind too awfully if you were in too-big clothing..."

''Not around the _house_ in front of your _relatives_!'' Ed's face flushed slightly.

"We'll be staying at Uncle Paul's, so you don't have to worry about anything. He'll be out most of the time, anyway." Jean kept rooting through Ed's suitcase.

''Well maybe if he's out and I really need them...'' Ed mumbled quietly, mulling over a few things in his head.

"You can borrow pajamas and things, too... we have extra towels and stuff..." Jean tossed the mentioned articles over his shoulder. "Dear god, is this a diary?"

''Get _out_ of there dammit! It's a _journal_, there's a _difference_!'' The smaller blonde snatched the afformentioned _journal_ up in an instant.

Jean's eyebrow arched. "What's the difference?"

''Uh... Well a diary is girly. Dammit Jean, it's a research journal, okay?''

"Research about what? It can't be for your chem or bio classes."

Ed fidgeted. ''Just stuff I research outside of class...'' Truthfully, he'd purchased that journal for the sole purpose of writing down the strangely significant dreams he had, the memories that were his but weren't. It was why he guarded it so fiercely, especially from Jean.

"May I see?"

''No.''

"Why not?"

''Because it's private, you wouldn't be able to read it anyway, it's so disorganized and written like chicken scratch, honestly.'' Disorganized was an understatement, though the print wasn't really that bad...

"All right." Jean turned back around quickly to hide his hurt. He continued digging through and editing out unneeded junk in Ed's suitcase.

Ed let out a sigh, clutching the nondescript black journal, though it really looked more like a book, to his chest. He didn't _want_ to keep things from Jean, but this was for the better in his mind. Not all of the memories within were good ones.

Jean hummed to himself, collecting quite a pile of things that didn't have to be packed. He turned to Ed with a triumphant grin. "See? You can get away with half of that crap."

Ed opened his mouth to say something when he realized it made no sense, and he closed it again, frowning slightly. Digging out a pen, he quickly scratched down a note in the journal. "I'll just have to alter your clothes with alchemy then so they fit" was something he could get put in a nuthouse for saying, really.

Jean reached up to tug down the open journal. "Some weird-ass research you have going on there."

The book was pulled back in a flash. ''Don't _do_ that!''

Jean blinked up at Ed, slightly bewildered by the fiercely possessive snap in his voice.

Ed once again clutched the journal to his chest like it was some ancient secret that must never be revealed.

Jean sighed, shrugged and got up to finish packing himself.

Once Jean had moved, Ed put the journal into his suitcase and closed it, even if it felt far too empty for him to do so.

"Oh, if you have any dirty laundry, Luce has volunteered to do it over break. Put it in a pile by the door."

''It had better not all be pink when we get back or something...'' Jean just laughed, zipping up his duffle. ''What? I wouldn't put it past him.'' Ed gathered up all of the clothes Jean tossed out of his suitcase and piled them up, not feeling like folding them again.

Jean tossed his duffle on top of Ed's suitcase, then draped himself over the bed. "The train ride's going to be about fifteen hours. We'll be getting into the station at the museum late."

''So we'll catch some sleep on the way. Why are we taking the train anyway?'' Ed crawled up onto the bed and sat next to Jean.

"Because it's either fifteen hours on a train, or thirteen hours in a car. At least on the train, we're not driving and we can actually walk around."

Ed shrugged. ''Alright, that works.''

Jean grinned over at Ed. "You don't care, do you?"

''My curiosity has been satisfied, that's all that really matters.'' Ed grinned in return. ''What time are we out of here again?''

"We have to be at the station by six in the morning tomorrow."

''We might as well just stay up and sleep on the train...'' Ed curled up beside Jean.

Jean laughed. "Define 'stay up'."

''I was honestly just thinking of staying awake, of course!'' Which was an obvious lie because the second Ed had thought about staying up all night, he thought of ways to make it more entertaining.

"Liar," the taller blonde said mildly.

''So? You didn't even have to ask me because you already knew anyway, didn't you...''

"I've been around you for too long. You've corrupted me." Jean wiggled over onto his stomach.

''Hey, now... It's partially your fault in the first place for just being you.'' Ed stared at the ceiling for a bit.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

''You corrupted me first without even realizing it...''

"Oh?" Jean wiggled a bit more, trying to get comfy.

Ed grinned a bit, rolling over and snuggling up against Jean. ''Just by being you...''

"That," Jean said, nuzzling Ed's neck, "was mean."

''I didn't mean it to be,'' Ed lazily toyed with Jean's hair. ''I meant it in a good way...''

"So I gave you perverted thoughts by being me? Those must have been some fantasies..." The taller man's lips curled into a lazy smile against Ed's neck.

''It's your fault...'' Ed murmured. ''And I'm not a pervert...''

"M'm..." Jean purred. "Never said you were."

Ed just snuggled closer, slipping his arms around Jean. ''I can't help it sometimes...''

Jean turned over to lie on his back. "I'll be nice and refrain from commenting."

Ed frowned a bit. ''It's still your fault...''

"If you insist..."

Ed grinned a bit, crawling up over Jean and looking down, a spark in golden eyes. His hands danced along the taller man's arms, down to encircle his wrists and pull them up even with his head as he leaned forward. Lips brushed softly before he sought more, claiming Jean's mouth as his own. _This is stone-cold proof to how much it's your fault, I just can't resist you..._

Jean tugged against Ed's hands, purring into the kiss. He sighed as Ed backed off, nuzzling against his captor's throat.

Ed shifted slightly, trailing light nips and kisses down Jean's neck and back up to his ear. He lingered there for a bit, nibbling gently at the lobe and simply indulging in the feel of the body beneath him, the smell of straw blonde hair and the feel of it brushing against his face.

The door opened, accompanied by Iden's gasp. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I'll..." He blushed furiously and tried to back away. Luce blocked him, however.

"Happy Christmas! Our little bunnies are getting gifts, so quit looking like that!" Luce had a Santa hat perched on his head, and he clutched a large shopping bag in one hand.

Embarrassing situation or no, Ed was still _extremely_ reluctant to move.

Jean sighed, the corner of his mouth quirking wryly. "Ed, let go so I can at least sit up, okay?"

Luce grinned, apparently enjoying every minute. "See? No mistletoe, no alcohol and no Ashton. On top of it all, you get free toys!"

Ed relinquished his grip, still doing his best to ignore Luce for fear that he might rip the man's throat out if he acknowledged his existence.

The taller blonde sat up, slipping a possessive arm around Ed. "Well?"

"I'm just getting my baggage and he --" Iden pointed to the manical Luce, "-- is playing Santa Claus."

Luce dug out a pair of boxes wrapped in disgusting, eye-exploding wrapping paper. "For you!" he sang out. "Very Merry Christmas and many happy returns!" He tossed the gifts their way and disappeared in a puff of confetti. Iden gave them a deeply apologetic look and followed after.

Ed looked from the packages to Jean, then turned and positively _scowled_ at the things.

"M'm? What's wrong with them?" Jean ran his hand against Ed's back. "They can't be dangerous."

''So? They interrupted me, they deserve my absolute loathing.''

Jean laughed. "We have time." He tugged Ed into a warm hug. "It's not the end of the world, I promise."

''Does that mean we have to open them now?'' Ed mumbled against Jean's shoulder.

"It might be interesting," the other man said comfortingly.

''It's from Luce...'' Ed countered.

"You really don't like him, do you?"

''No, I just don't always trust him.'' Ed nipped at Jean's neck.

Jean laughed again. "That I can understand."

''So now what? You want to open them?'' Golden eyes regarded the packages spitefully.

"The quicker we open them..." The thought ended on a nearly-audible shrug.

''You open them...'' Ed scooted off of Jean's lap and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"I'm opening mine," Jean said mildly. "Though certain events indicate otherwise, I'm not your slave."

Ed frowned at that a bit and sighed. ''I know that...''

"I know you know." Jean leaned over to snatch the boxes. "Where the hell did he come up with this wrapping paper?"

''No clue... It's horrible...''

"I vote we burn it when all's said and done," Jean remarked lightly, opening up his gift. He grinned at Ed. "Voodoo is very calming."

''Sounds like a plan to me!'' Ed grinned, opening his up as well.

"On the other hand," Jean said, good-natured expression gone in an instant. "So is liberally smearing that jackass's guts over campus."

Ed flinched slightly. ''I suppose...''

Jean pulled an adorable lion plushie out of the box, with something near to a death grip on it. "Blue eyes. There's no fucking _way_ that can be a coincidence."

Ed eyed Jean's plush, ignoring what was in his own box. ''But there's no way he would know, right? He couldn't have...''

"Ashton knows."

''Bastard!''

Jean sighed unhappily. "All that aside, it really is a cute stuffed animal." His grip eased. "It'll be a nice addition to the collection."

Ed blinked. ''You have a collection of stuffed animals?''

"There's nothing wrong with it," Jean said with dignity.

''I never would have guessed though...'' Ed leaned against Jean, his box forgotten.

"Why not?"

''Dunno... Just not something I would have thought of.''

Jean reached over, fishing out Ed's gift. "I like stuffed animals. You can rant to them, and they won't talk back. They're soft and cuddly, and the perfect thing for a rainy day when you're alone." His eyebrows shot up at the sight of Ed's toy. "A dragon."

''I'd prefer cats to stuffed animals. They don't talk back either, but they're warm...'' Ed eyed the plush, not quite sure what significance it had, seeing as he was leaning on the one thing that could beat all stuffed toys into the ground when it came to cuddling.

"Yeah, but you have to feed cats. And they have cold noses in the morning." Jean looked at the dragon's open mouth with the little felt teeth and tiny felt tongue. "Cute."

''Oh fine, be that way. But I prefer _you_ over cats _and_ stuffed animals.'' Ed slipped his arms around Jean's waist.

"Never mind that I'm more useless than plushies and cats put together," Jean said lightly.

''I don't think so...'' Ed pushed the empty box off his lap and eyed the one in Jean's like it was trespassing.

"Enlighten me." Jean put the two plushies into the box on his lap and laid it near his bag.

Ed crawled back over Jean's lap again, pushing him back into much the same position as before. ''You aren't useless at all...'' he whispered softly in the other's ear.

•†•

Luce smiled, folding up the shopping bag. He knocked softly on Ashton's door. "Hey. You in?"

''No, I'm out.'' Ashton didn't move from the window, tapping the ash off the end of his cigarette. ''Door's open, though, so you can plunder my room while I'm entirely not here.''

"Merry Christmas to you, too, sourpuss," Luce said, slipping in and taking off the Santa hat.

''I'm just having a sense of humor, is that a crime?'' Ashton glanced at Luce, dressing his cigarette and throwing away the evidence in the nearby wastebasket.

Luce grinned lopsidedly. "With you I can never tell. Happy Christmas," he said, holding out a box wrapped in pretty silver paper.

That earned a blink and Ashton slid off the windowsill to take the box and lean against the bed with it. He glanced at Luce. ''You know it's not Christmas for another few weeks...''

"I know that. But you never told me when you were leaving. The twins are leaving later today, and the terrible two are leaving tomorrow bright and early." Luce tossed his hat down onto the unoccupied bed. "So I decided to gift everyone today."

Ashton shrugged. ''That works, I suppose. And I'm not leaving. You want me to open this now then?''

Luce cocked his head. "You're not? How come?"

''I've got no obligation to go home, it's only a bunch of awkward memories lately..'' Ashton glanced at the window and realized he'd forgotten to close it, setting the box down on the bed to fix that.

"Want to come visit me? There's only two of us, so you're more than welcome to pop in whenever."

''Maybe... I've got a lot to think about anyway so I might not.'' The redhead returned to the box and stared at it a bit. ''You never answered my question, you know.''

"H'm? Oh, you can open it. I'd like to stick around for a bit, myself."

''Fine by me, take a load off if you feel like it.'' Ashton unwrapped the package carefully and opened the box. He pulled out the plush inside, raising an eyebrow and glancing at Luce. ''A stuffed animal?'' he questioned, looking back to the kitten in his hands, pretending that it wasn't as cute as it was and that he didn't have a soft spot for cats.

"I thought you might like it," Luce remarked, grinning. "It's such a cute little thing."

''Yeah,'' Ashton replied, ''If you're a girl.'' He grinned a bit, not really meaning it.

Luce chuckled. "-I- thought it was sweet."

Ashton shrugged at leaned back to put it on the table between the beds, glancing over at Ed's for a moment with something close to longing flashing briefly in his eyes before he moved to clean up.

Luce hummed thoughtfully. "Something bothering you?"

''Nothing more than usual...'' Ashton crumpled up the paper and tossed it in the wastebasket, kicking the box aside for possible later use.

"That's remarkably unhelpful," Luce said, seating himself on the empty bed.

Ashton returned to the window, pulling out another cigarette and his lighter. He cracked the window open after he got the thing lit. ''Well if you haven't figured out what bothers me on a regular basis, obvious as I'm sure it is, I have no obligation to tell you.''

"You have to be aware that you're not the only person I pay attention to. I know that you and Jean have nearly identical problems, to some extent. You have an additional problem regarding one Edward Elric which he doesn't because he was lucky enough to be a good guy the last time around."

''Sometimes I wonder if he only felt comfortable around me because I smoked and that reminded him of Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc.'' Ashton focused on the cigarette between his fingers.

"That's unfair to you and him." Luce paused. "Why _did_ Ed leave?"

''Because I fucked up, just like I keep doing, thanks to memories...'' Ashton took a deep drag. This wasn't a subject he liked talking about, hell, _thinking_ about. Where was pop's liquor collection when he needed it.

"What did you do then?"

''I don't remember exactly, can we not talk about this?''

"You think there's any way to fix both you and Jean? Ed seems to be the only one handling this well."

''Jean isn't the one who's going against what was...'' Ashton put out his cigarette and started on another one. These things would be the death of him, surely.

Luce frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

''Nothing important...'' _I fell in love but my past wouldn't allow me to be happy..._ Ashton closed his eyes. ''And Ed's only taking it well because he has to in his mind, for Jean. He still has to live with the fact that he was that close to the man who killed his lover...''

"But you didn't kill anyone," Luce pointed out.

''That doesn't change a whole hell of a lot...'' _He still sees me as a monster, anyway..._

"Yes it does. You can't be that person from before. There's no way you can be."

''I know that...'' Ashton flicked the half smoked cigarette out the window, it wasn't helping anymore, anyway.

"So why are you being so miserable?" Luce asked. "You're not a monster anymore, if indeed you ever were."

''Tell that to him...''

"Why don't you?"

''Because he won't listen...''

"Why wouldn't he?"

''Because he's stubborn and he hates me with a passion strong enough to rival my own, he's not going to listen to me even if I tie him down and force feed him the truth, which I'd rather not have to do in the first place.'' Ashton rested his head against the cool glass.

"You underestimate him. I'll bet you anything that by the end of this year, you and he will be friends again. Not lovers, I doubt he would ever let go of Jean." Luce sighed. "He's too possessive of that man for their own good."

''Friendship is a hard thing... It's better if he hates me, at least then I can control myself some... Friendship with him is like a constant tease, I'd fucking snap and I know it.'' Ashton slid the window closed and absently toyed with his lighter.

Luce sighed. "It's either all or nothing for you, isn't it?"

''I can't help it...'' Ashton grinned ruefully. ''And it's his damn fault, too.''

Luce rolled his eyes. "At least it takes the heat off of Jean. If you're gunning for Ed, he can go back to struggling with himself in peace."

''I'll just stick to what I've been doing and they can stick to what they've been doing. They seem happy, so who am I to interfere...'' Sure, it made him miserable, but it was better than seeing Ed in the same boat...

Lucifer snorted. "How noble of you," he said sarcastically. "You're going to sit there and waste your life lusting after Ed. You're not even going to make friendly overtones since you're so fucking _selfish_ to even think that the current state of affairs is bad for both you and them!"

''He stole my ability to care for anybody else the way I do him. I could move on in theory, be with somebody, but I'd only ever be thinking of him, and that's not fair to _anybody_, don't you think? I can't stop it no matter how much I've tried, and if that makes me fucking pathetic then so be it.''

Luce seriously considered knocking Ashton's head against some hard surface two or three times. "You really _are_ romantically retarded, aren't you."

''Fuck you... I get by just fine without help, dammit.'' Ashton was less than kind, wanting nothing more than to be left alone to his thoughts right this moment. ''I'll be just fine how it is...''

Luce snorted. "For some reason I doubt that," he murmured, getting to his feet. "By the time everything's said and done, I think your opinion will have change dramatically."

''Maybe...'' Ashton made a mental note to _not_ keep talking about all these things with Luce, but then again, Luce always started it and damn if he didn't fall into it.

Luce smiled his strange little smile. "I think it will."

''Why do you always have to bring up shit like that in the first place?'' Ashton glanced over at Luce. ''I hate talking about it...''

"Because you're so far gone in your own peculiar brand of denial that you're driving everyone nuts."

''I'm sure your intentions are good, but I don't think it's helping...''

"It's all a matter of time," Luce said practically. "I would tell you to go talk to Ed, but he was about to take _Iden's_ head off earlier, and the poor boy's as inoffensive as a kitten."

''Oh well.'' Ashton slid down from the windowsill again and moving to his bed. ''I've got things to think about anyway...''

"Suit yourself. I need to go pack anyway." Luce ghosted out the door.

Once he heard the door closed, Ashton spawled out on the bed and groaned. This was going to be a long break, and he'd be damn lucky to come out of it sane.


	18. Silly's Not a Shortcoming

Silly's _Not_ a Shortcoming

**Rating**: PG-13

Jean stared out the window as the train pulled into the Natural History Museum in Cincinnati. Cool place, even if it was a bit icky to him. He poked Ed. "Wake up, gopher."

The smaller blonde stirred slightly, opening one eye sleepily to peer up at Jean. ''Mmnf...''

"We're home. Come on, get up."

Ed blinked a few times, rubbing his eyes and stretching. ''When's breakfast...''

"In about six hours." Jean pulled Ed to his feet. "Come on, let's go get our stuff."

''But 'm hungry now...'' Ed followed Jean almost like a lost kitten, though definitely more groggy than your typical kitten.

"We can grab something at Uncle Paul's," Jean said soothingly. "He just lives up the hill, it'll take fifteen minutes to get there."

''M'kay...'' Ed had found a motivator for staying awake.

They grabbed their bags and walked towards the atrium of the museum. Jean grinned at the sight of the familiar murals that stared down at him. "I keep forgetting how much I like this place."

''Mm'm...'' Ed yawned loudly, nearly bumping into Jean due to a general lack of attention to where his feet were going, other than forward, that is.

Jean rolled his eyes. He spotted Paul waiting outside on the portico and physically dragged Ed out of the building. "Come -on-."

Ed stifled another yawn and did his best not to trip and fall with Jean dragging him like that. ''I can walk y'know...''

"Could have fooled me." Jean pushed his way through the doors and out onto the concrete portico.

Paul smiled. "You're on time. Nice to know the train still works, if nothing else in this blasted city."

Ed rubbed at his eyes with his free hand. ''Morning.''

"Night," Paul corrected, taking Ed's suitcase from him. "It isn't morning unless one's had at least five hours of sleep on a real bed, a decent breakfast, and more importantly, a decent cup of coffee." He headed down the cascade of steps. Jean followed, guiding the sleepy Ed.

''Does that mean I get to go back to bed?'' Ed followed, mostly because he knew he'd heard the word 'breakfast' and because he was being guided.

"Of course," Paul said. "I also moved the bed from the guest room into Jean's room. Hope you don't mind," he added, a little apologetically. "I thought it would be more comfortable, since there's two of you."

"God, I don't care," Jean said around a jaw-cracking yawn. "Bed seems like a heavenly concept, whether it's mine or ours."

Ed nodded in sleepy agreement, even though he'd slept for a while on the train.

Paul grinned, shoving them and their baggage into his car. A few minutes later – twenty, instead of the fifteen Jean had promised – they pulled up in front of one of the tall, slender houses that was typical of Cincinnati hill-life. "Come on, in you go. Don't worry about your bags, I'll get those. Jean, show him up to your room."

Having almost fell back asleep in the car, Ed had to rub his eyes again as he left the vehicle, sticking close to Jean.

Jean dragged himself up to the third floor, flicking on the hall light switch as he did so. A kitten curled up on the landing mewed angrily at him for disturbing her nap.

Ed blinked a bit at the ball of fuzz, contemplating it for a moment before looking back to Jean.

"Her name's Pris. Don't ask, I'm not even sure. Uncle Paul named her." The kitten yawned. "We've had her about a year." He stooped down to scritch Pris behind the ears, then continued on.

Ed nodded, following Jean once again. ''I like cats...''

Jean smiled. "Me too." They finally made it to Jean's room. "You want pajamas, or just to sack out in you clothes?"

Ed looked around and shrugged, yawning again. ''I... guess I could use something other than this...''

Jean pointed to the bed. "Go sit down, I'll see what I can dig up."

With a nod, Ed complied, stretching a bit. ''It'll be too big for me, won't it?''

"Maybe? Hell, I don't know." He opened the closet door. "You could always sleep in boxers and a tee shirt."

''Sounds good to me.''

Jean laughed, tossing a tee shirt back at Ed. He pulled out a pair of soft flannel pants for himself. "You're not very picky at four in the morning."

''Should I be?'' Ed peeled off his shirt and wriggled out of his pants. ''Where should I put these?''

"Just toss 'em on the floor. I'll get them when I'm not dead-on-my-ass tired." Jean yanked his own shirt off. "Worst thing that can happen to them is that Pris decides to nest in them."

Ed shrugged, stretching again before tugging on the tee shirt and watching Jean with a lazy appreciation.

Jean hummed to himself as he slid into the pajama pants. He disappeared briefly to turn off the hall light, then padded back into the dark room. "Night, kiddo."

Ed blinked a few times, letting his eyes adjust the slightest bit so that he could see where Jean was.

Jean drifted past Ed and sat down on the bed, resisting the urge to just _sprawl_ over the gloriously huge mattress. He yawned again.

Ed crawled up all the way on the bed and flopped back, poking Jean's side with his toe.

"H'm?"

''Goodnight.'' The smaller blonde wiggled up under the covers, though his eyes still focused on Jean.

"M'm." The thought passed through Jean's mind that he should lie down to sleep, but that might have taken too much energy. He stayed upright, staring dreamily off into space.

Ed shook his head, finally pulling himself upright in order to drag Jean down with him. ''Silly...''

Jean chuckled. "Thanks."

''Now go to sleep...'' Ed tugged the covers up, settling in against Jean.

"Yessir..." Jean snugged himself up against a pillow.

Ed smiled softly. ''G'night, Jean...''

•†•

Jean woke with a resounding groan. He was pretty sure that he hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep. He tried to roll over, but a half-dead body stopped him.

Ed peeked an eye open to look at Jean, his half-sleep interrupted.

Jean wiggled himself deeper into the covers. He was not in the mood to get up and be human for another few hours.

Ed sighed softly and snuggled back against Jean again, perfectly content to stay in bed as long as he would.

"What time is it?" Jean managed to croak out.

''Dunno...'' Ed yawned. ''Last time I checked the clock it was around nine...''

Jean just groaned.

''It could be ten by now for all I know...'' Ed had been sleeping on and off since around seven thirty.

"Should we risk getting up, or should we just stay in bed until an earthquake hit?"

''I'm fine with staying right here...'' Ed nuzzled Jean's neck a bit.

"M'mm... good," Jean purred. "Because I'm too lazy to get my ass out of bed."

''M'kay...'' A few thoughts came to mind, but Ed dismissed them for now. Maybe he'd ask later.

Jean turned over to face Ed. "I don't want to get up," he said plaintively. "But I'm not sleepy anymore."

''Well...'' Ed looked around a bit, actually taking in the room around them now that he was awake. ''Neither am I...''

Jean smiled slightly. "We're such lazy bums."

''Now if there was the offer of food and coffee, I'd get up...'' Ed's stomach rumbled slightly at the mention of food. ''Er...''

He laughed. "I'll go downstairs and ask when food is, all right?"

''I might as well go with you.'' The smaller blonde stretched and sat up, swaying a bit from the sudden action.

"Don't bother." Jean sat up and stretched. "Ten to one, I'll be coming back up."

''Oh, fine...'' Ed propped himself up with a couple of pillows anyway.

Jean reached over to ruffle Ed's hair. "Don't sound so disappointed."

Ed swatted at Jean's hand. ''Go on, the sooner you come back, the sooner... I'll think of something.''

"Hmph." He got up, stretched again, and wandered out of the room.

Ed sighed and snuggled back into the pillows.

Jean ambled downstairs. Paul was lounging comfortably across the couch, nose buried into the newspaper. "Food?" the blonde croaked.

"If you'll wait a few more hours, you can eat lunch," Paul said without looking up. "If you absolutely have to eat, I think you're out of luck. We only have cereal left."

Jean made a face and turned to make his way upstairs. "We'll wait till lunch," he said over his shoulder.

Ed glared at his stomach as it threatened to growl again. Damn impatient thing. Jean poked his nose in. "We have a couple more hours till food," he informed Ed. "I'm going to go take a shower."

''Oh... Okay.'' Ed just dared his stomach to growl. ''I guess I can wait...''

Jean's eyebrow lifted. "Something wrong?"

''Of course not, I'm just hungry and I'll not have a shower until after I eat so I don't pass out or something.''

Laughing, Jean wandered off to the bathroom. Ed stretched again and reached down on the side of the bed for his pants, wondering absently where his suitcase was.

Jean spent a good twenty minutes in the shower, just enjoying the privacy and hot water. When he finally stepped out, he was thoroughly soaked, warm, and entirely happy. He pulled on his pants again and wandered back to his room, shivering in the cold air and dripping everywhere.

Ed looked up from his journal and closed it, putting it back in his suitcase, which he seemed to have found. ''Feel better?''

"Of course." Jean buried himself into his closet again. "Hot water is a wonderful, wonderful thing."

''I'll have to experience it first hand then once there's no chance of passing out.'' Ed watched Jean, smiling to himself.

Jean snorted. "You can't be that hungry," he said, coming up with a well-worn, faded cotton work shirt. "We ate on the train."

''But I _am_!'' Ed's stomach growled and he growled back.

Rolling his eyes, Jean quickly changed into a pair of jeans. "You're a little black hole, aren't you." He slipped the shirt on, buttoning it up. The soft cloth clung stubbornly to his still-damp skin.

''That's mean...''

"I'm stating a fact."

Ed shrugged. ''I can't help it.''

Jean chuckled. "I'm sure you can't," he said, trying to tuck his shirt in.

''Maybe if you'd dried off first that would be easier...'' Ed watched, slightly entertained.

"Takes too much work." Jean triumphed over the shirt, though it still stuck to his body in some places. "See?"

Ed grinned. ''Sometimes you're just plain silly.''

"You never cared before," Jean quipped, going over to sit on the bed and pull on a pair of socks.

''And I don't care now, I'm just pointing it out.''

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were only hanging around to point out my shortcomings."

''Who said being silly was a shortcoming?'' Ed crawled over and ruffled Jean's still-wet hair.

"What else would it be?"

''A perk.''

Jean twisted to look at Ed. "Explain?"

''Well I for one like your silliness.'' Ed tapped Jean on the nose.

Jean stuck his tongue out. "An interesting diversion."

''What?'' Ed just smiled. ''It's the truth.''

"Well, if you have your reasons..."

Ed leaned against him a bit. ''You smell nice and clean...''

"I would hope so."

Ed grinned and nuzzled Jean's neck. ''So when's lunch?''

Jean reached up to wind his fingers through Ed's hair. "Around twelve-thirty, one'o'clock."

Ed closed his eyes and sighed, slipping his arms around Jean's waist. ''M'kay then...''

"You just want to take a shower now?"

''I should...'' Ed murmured, making no move to get up.

"You probably should," Jean said mildly, well-used to Ed's finicky nature.

Ed nuzzled Jean's neck again. ''But now I don't want to get up...''

"Well why not?"

''M'comfy...''

"You are the laziest person I know. And that's saying a lot, since I'm including myself."

Ed nipped Jean's neck none too lightly. ''I'm not lazy, I'm comfortable.''

Jean flinched. "What's the difference?"

''The difference doesn't matter.'' Ed still refused to budge.

"Brat."

Ed nipped a little higher, and a little softer. ''Maybe...''

Jean sighed, looking up the the ceiling. "Now I know that you're a brat."

Ed frowned a bit and rested his head on Jean's shoulder and looking up at him. ''I like sitting like this...''

Jean smiled ruefully. "I know. But I just... feel... oh, hell, I don't know."

Ed sighed softly. ''Well if you figure it out, be sure to tell me, okay?''

"I will." Jean picked at his shirtsleeve. He sighed again. "God, I feel so weird right now."

''Maybe because this isn't the dorms?'' Ed offered.

"Maybe that's it. It's bizarre, you know?"

Ed shrugged. ''I'll still love you no matter where we are so I don't think it feels weird to me...''

Jean laughed. "That's because your little brother isn't liable to walk in on you and your boyfriend doing Things. Or your uncle. My god, it was bad enough with Iden, but with them..." he trailed off and went bright red at the thought.

Ed flushed a bit at the idea as well. ''Well... Yeah... That... Uh...''

"At least we don't have to sleep in different rooms," Jean offered, pushing Ed gently out of the way and flopping onto his back.

Ed nearly whimpered. ''Four fucking weeks!''

Jean blinked up at him. "Huh?"

Ed shook his head. ''I'll figure something out or I'm liable to do something stupid.''

"You are truly and utterly hopeless," Jean commented, tugging Ed down. "The doors close, gopher-boy."

''Well yeah...'' Ed grinned a bit. ''It's a start...''

"Besides, Uncle Paul is a smart man. He's dealt with people like us before." Jean's eyes closed halfway. "He can put two and two together."

''So when's lunch?''

Jean rolled his eyes. "You have a one-track mind if it isn't sex, it's food. Remind me why I put up with you?"

''I do _not_ always just think about sex and food!'' Ed reached over to grab a pillow and smack Jean with it. Jean's laugher was muffled by the pillow. ''I'm going to go take a shower, then.'' Ed slid off the bed and stalked out of the room, only to stalk right back in a moment later. ''Where's the bathroom and where can I get a towel?''

Jean clawed the pillow off of his face. "Down the hall and hang a right, towels are in the oak cabinet next to the toilet. I recommend the purple towels over the white ones: they're softer."

''Right.'' Ed dug out a pair of clean pants and boxers to avoid having to run around in just a towel, then fled.

Jean chuckled and got to his feet. He wasn't quite sure of what to do with himself now that Ed was gone. Maybe he could go play with the cat.

Ed didn't spend half the time Jean had, and half of _that_ was spent on his hair alone. He ambled back into Jean's room after he found his hair sufficiently dry to leave the bathroom, which had to have taken at least another five minutes of toweling. The first thing he went for was his suitcase to dig out his brush.

Jean wandered in a few minutes later, Pris perched on his shoulder. "That was quick."

''I was in there to get clean and get out.'' Ed hadn't actually gotten around to putting anything else on, still sitting on the bed and brushing his hair.

Jean shrugged, bending over to let the cat slither down his back and onto the floor. "No appreciation for the finer things in life."

''I didn't feel like sitting in there for half an hour, some days you do, but not today for me.'' Ed winced when he hit a rather nasty tangle.

Jean meandered over and sat down on the bed. "Picky, picky."

Ed carefully peeled the brush away from the tangle, trying to start at the bottom and work his way up but not quite being able to reach that far down comfortably. He glared at the brush for a few moments and tried again, snagging on that same tangle. ''Dammit!''

Jean held out a hand. "Need help?"

Ed nodded, handing the brush to Jean and wiping his watering eyes. ''Just be careful, it _hurts_...''

"Come on, sit down." Jean ran his fingers through Ed's hair, snagging on more than one tangle. He gripped the brush in his teeth and began the laborious process of picking the tangles apart.

''It's going to take forever that way!'' Ed didn't really find it in him to care, though, and he closed his eyes to the feeling of fingers in his hair.

"You want me to yank all your hair out? Didn't think so." Jean worked one of the knots loose. "What did you do to your hair?"

''The best I could manage without a hair dryer.'' Though, now that he thought about it, rubbing his hair dry probably was just a really bad idea to begin with.

"Why didn't you just let it air-dry?" With the help of the hairbrush, Jean got another tangle out.

''Because I really don't like the feeling of it dripping water down the back of my shirt. I was planning on putting a shirt on.''

Jean rolled his eyes, picking at the largest snarl. "Sometimes you can be so strange."

''And sometimes you can be silly, so altogether we're just odd, aren't we?'' Ed yelped. ''Careful!''

"Quit twitching and it won't hurt as much!" _This would be so much easier if I had claws,_ Jean thought sourly, then paused. "Oh."

Ed opened his eyes, but didn't move as requested. ''What?''

"Erm. Nothing." He managed to pick the tangle into two smaller, more manageable knots.

''You expect me to believe that?''

"Yes. I do," Jean said. He finally got Ed's hair completely smoothed out, and dragged a brush through it.

Ed sighed softly. ''Only if you keep brushing...''

Jean sighed heavily, though he obediently kept running the brush though Ed's hair.

Ed made a happy little sound and closed his eyes again. ''That feels nice...'' After an uncomfortable pause, Ed sighed again, stilling Jean's hand with his own and taking the brush. As nice as it was, he couldn't ignore the feeling that something was wrong. Brush aside, he turned to face Jean. ''What's the matter...''

"Nothing."

''Liar...''

Jean colored slightly. "Ed, I'm fine."

''Something was wrong, whether it still is or not. I'm not stupid, I can tell at least a little...'' Ed frowned a bit.

Jean clenched his teeth around a bitter retort. It wasn't fair that Ed could hide everything but he couldn't...

Ed wasn't quite sure what to do, so he reached for the brush again to tie back his hair, turning away so he could get a shirt and some socks.

Jean let out a slow, shuddery breath, trying to get himself under control. He rubbed a hand across his eyes, tired of playing the game.

Ed paused momentarily, then finished pulling on his socks, running the brush once more through his ponytail. ''Lunch should be soon, right?''

"Yeah."

''You want to go ahead and go down?'' Ed put the brush aside again.

"No. You can, if you want."

Ed hung his head, still just sitting there. He felt bad for pushing the subject, but he felt equally as bad because Jean wouldn't tell him what was wrong.

Jean forced a smile. "Go on. Uncle Paul doesn't bite."

_But I want to stay with you..._ ''I would hope not.'' Ed fidgeted with his hair a bit as he stood up. Maybe Jean just needed some time to think, or so he told his legs in order to walk.

Jean's eyebrow quirked. "Something wrong?"

''Not really...'' Ed shook it off and headed for the door. ''Don't be too long, okay?''

"I'll try not to be." Jean watched Ed disappear and flopped back onto the bed. "Dammit."

Ed willed himself calm before descending the stairs, glancing back over his shoulder at Jean's room with a soft sigh.

Paul looked up as Ed arrived downstairs looking like a whipped puppy. "Morning."

''When's lunch?''

"Yes, I'm doing quite well, thank you for asking," the older man said lightly, folding the paper. "How are _you_ this fine and wonderful morning?"

''Hungry.'' Ed's stomach accented this fact.

"Didn't you two eat on the train?" Paul inquired mildly, getting up and setting the paper down on the low antique mahogany coffee table.

''I haven't eaten since dinner last night...''

"I suppose I can fix something to tide you over. Where's my bloody-minded nephew?" The older man moved into the kitchen and started rummaging through the cabinets.

Ed stood there, not quite sure whether he should follow the man into the kitchen or sit down here. ''He's still up in his room, he said he'd be down soon, I think...'' He fidgeted with his ponytail.

"Hmph. You want a grilled cheese sandwich?"

''That'll work, thank you.'' Ed fidgeted a bit more, looking around the room.

"Did you like those books I gave you?" The refrigerator thumped close, and Ed could hear Paul moving across the kitchen.

''Yeah, they were great, how'd you know I'd like those? I hope you didn't pay too much for them, you didn't have to do that... Thank you, really.'' The blonde carefully picked a place to sit. Though he didn't necessarily feel any more comfortable.

"Don't worry about it. I thought you might enjoy them. There are some in my personal collection, if you want to browse later. Feel free to poke around, though I do have to warn you about the basement: it's disgusting, and I think the mold is sentient."

Ed flinched at the thought. ''I'd really enjoy that, but you might not see me for days,'' he joked.

"I'll pack you a few sandwiches," Paul said, chuckling slightly. "But seriously, you have free reign over the house."

''Thanks for having me...'' Ed trailed off, wondering how much longer Jean would be up there. Somewhere in the back of his mind he laughed at the concept of 'a few sandwiches' tiding him over past one meal.

"Any time."

A thought struck him then, and Ed shook it away. His eyes wandered, glancing briefly to the staircase.

"Do you mind calling Jean down? It's pretty much time for lunch, and I'll bet you dollars to donuts that he's sulking about something."

''Yeah... I'll go get him.'' Ed was almost glad for the reason to ascend the stairs again, pausing for a moment on the landing before peeking into Jean's room. ''Lunch, you coming?''

Jean curled up tighter, growling sleepily at the intruder. " 'm sleeping..."

''It's time for lunch...'' Ed leaned against the door-frame, chewing his bottom lip a bit.

The half-asleep blonde blew a stunning raspberry.

Ed considered crawling in bed with Jean and really waking him up, but dismissed that thought considering the circumstances. ''I bet we can get you some coffee if you'd like...''

_That_ got Jean to lift his head, eyes hopeful.

Ed smiled at the sight. ''Come on, you have to come downstairs first.''


	19. Christmas

Christmas

**Rating**: PG-13

A glance at the clock showed three AM. What a way to spend Christmas break, really. Ashton sighed, sliding out of bed and to the window. The storm hadn't let up, having started some time in the night, at some vague point in time. He absently wondered what Jean and Ed were doing right now, knees curled to his chest as he watched the world from his perch on the windowsill.

Snow was beautiful, yes, but the constant monotony of white was almost maddening. Being alone like this gave him too much time to think. He couldn't help but recall painful memories, the white reminded him of the hospital, the dark of the blindness in his left eye, the loneliness of the pain that split his skull every time he thought about it.

_It hurt like hell, but he didn't scream or cry, tears would just burn the wound anyway. His mother did scream when she saw all the blood, nearly fainted, even. Ashton hated hospitals, hated doctors, they made him feel sick with an unexplainable rage. He'd be blind in that eye, the doctor said, but it wouldn't need to be removed. Maybe he should have pushed deeper._

_'Who did this,' they'd ask. 'I did,' he would answer. 'Why,' they'd ask. 'I don't know,' he'd tell them. He'd been twelve then._

One hand rubbed his left eye absently and Ashton just dismissed the memory. To this day he wasn't sure what possessed him to take that knife to his face.

Everyone had teased him about it in school, until he nearly killed one kid for it. Even after that, he'd still worn a patch just to cover it. Until one boy changed that.

_They were two weeks into ninth grade and _god_ it was boring. There was one boy in particular who had caught Ashton's eye, and he couldn't help but feel as though they'd met before, maybe in some other life, if you believed in that shit._

_''You're Ashton, right? What's with the eyepatch?''_

_He didn't even bother looking up. ''Fuck off, unless you want to end up like the last guy who made a big deal about it...''_

_''No need to get bitchy, I was just curious...''_

_Ashton spared a glance up to come face to face with one Edward Elric, in all his short-as-fuck, braided blonde, golden-eyed glory._

_''... What? Hey, you okay? Uh...''_

_Realizing he'd been staring, Ashton have himself a mental smack in the face and looked away. ''Sorry...'' An insane thought struck him at that point, and he put on a grin. ''You're in bio with me, you wanna study for tomorrow's test with me later?''_

_Ed grinned and nodded. ''But you have to show me what's under that eyepatch!''_

_''Fine... Meet me on the roof after school then, I know a good spot where we shouldn't be interrupted.'_'

Ashton rested his head against the window with a sigh. The rest of the day had been impossibly long, he remembered, but the wait had been worth it. Ed's notorious curiosity had brought him to the roof, despite any bad feelings he might have had about it.

_It seemed that curiosity couldn't wait as Ed stepped out onto the roof of the school building. Ashton watched as he approached, flicking the butt of his cigarette off the side. The blonde was obviously expecting him to have already taken the patch off, but Ashton wasn't going to make it that easy._

_''Come on, show me! Then we can study for the test,'' Ed said, eyeing the cigarette but asking no questions._

_A grin curved the corners of the redhead's lips. ''You want to see you have to take it off yourself...'' _

_The blonde pouted in what he was probably unaware of was an adorable way, but it seemed that once more he ignored any bad feelings for curiosity's sake._

_Ashton watched as Ed walked closer, forced himself not to move as hands reached up to untie the string at the back of his head. He let his eyes close at the slack he felt, only opening them again once the feeling of fabric against his face was gone. Emerald and white met troubled gold and stayed there, unable to look away._

_Before he even knew what he was doing, Ashton had leaned down to place a light kiss on Ed's lips. In response to the look in the blonde's eyes, he'd said the first thing that came to mind. 'I know when I've found something I want, Edward...'_

_'Why?'_

_'Don't question it, just trust me...' he'd said. 'I can make you fly...'_

_There hadn't been any studying that day._

Ashton hugged his knees tighter to his chest. If he'd been the type to cry, now would've been the opportune time. He also could've used a cigarette, but the weather wasn't going to allow him opening up his window. It was because of Ed that he never wore that eyepatch again, because of Ed that he hadn't cried since that time, and undoubtedly wouldn't ever again if he could help himself. His eyes stung at the memory, but nothing more other than the ache in his chest.

_''What the hell _are_ you?'' Ed screamed, angry tears in his eyes and a nearly hysterical note in his voice that struck Ashton to his core._

_''Ed I didn't mean it, I don't know what came over me!''_

_''You stay the fuck away from me you sick bastard!''_

_Something hard was thrown at him. ''Ed, calm down--''_

_''Fuck you!''_

_He vaguely remembered the feeling that his entire world was falling apart, the screaming becoming less and less distinct. Some vital part of everything was just removed and the technician in charge was out on break. Ed pushed past him and he turned to watch the light leave his world with no intention of coming back._

After that, he'd dug himself so deep that his past life nearly overwhelmed him. They'd come to Miskatonic by different routes, ended up put in the same room by virtue of _something_ and Ed was _furious_. Ashton hadn't been able to keep his hands off the boy and they'd drifted even farther apart. Now Jean was in the picture and he was reminded more and more of what he used to be.

Ed had reunited with his once-lover and Ashton just watched from the sidelines, but things had started to change again and he wasn't sure how he would end up. After a while he'd begun to fight the die-hard instincts, and life re-attained some twisted semblance of normalcy, albeit painful.

_So here I am_, he thought with another sigh, curling up into a ball on the bed and clinging to his pillow. _Merry Christmas to me..._ Everybody else had gone home for the holidays and Ashton had stayed at the University. Well, Ed had gone home with Jean. He wondered how that was going.

Luce's Halloween party resurfaced in his mind, Ed drunk as hell and a kiss he wouldn't soon forget, even though he wanted to. _For Ed's sake_, he told himself. The clock read 5:44 Christmas morning when Ashton finally drifted off to sleep.

•†•

Ed stirred slightly and peeked open one eye, then the other. He stared at the ceiling for a few moments, then sat up and stretched. Golden eyes blinked at the sight of a pair of stockings at the foot of the bed and he grinned softly. Yawning, he nudged Jean in attempt to wake him.

Jean groaned. "G'way," he mumbled into the pillow.

''Wake up, sleepyhead...'' Ed smiled.

"Make me." Jean wasn't about to wake up for Ed or anybody before the alarm went off at seven. He guessed in a sleepy sort of way, that it was still long before seven.

''Jean, it's Christmas...'' Ed leaned down and kissed the back of Jean's neck. ''Don't you want to see what you got?''

"Too early," Jean said, already drowsing off again.

''Come on...'' Ed nuzzled against Jean's shoulder. ''Please?'' He always had been the eager child come Christmas morning, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever grow out of it.

Jean cracked an eye open. Ed's pitifully imploring face met his worldview. He sighed, capitulating. "All right, all right..."

Ed smiled brightly, taking this one day a year to indulge his inner child.

"But you have to promise me one thing," Jean said, sitting up and stretching.

''What's that?'' Ed was already crawling down to th end of the bed to retrieve the stockings.

"Let me get back to sleep when we're finished." Jean's yawn nearly split his head in two.

''I guess that's fair enough...'' Ed crawled back up beside Jean, stockings in front of them. ''You used to get up early Christmas morning to see what you got, right? You can't tell me you never did...''

Jean yawned again. "I stopped after I realized that sleep is more important than candy canes," he remarked, nabbing the darker of the two stockings.

''Hah.'' Ed peered down at his stocking with a little smile. It made him feel too at home here, and he leaned slightly against Jean. ''What'd you get?'' he asked, watching the taller blonde.

Jean smiled to himself. "The usual."

'Whash th'ushul?'' Ed had gone straight for the chocolate and now had a coin shaped piece of it halfway out of his mouth.

Jean smiled. "Tell you later." He pulled a small stuffed toy from the stocking and curled up around it. "Night."

Ed frowned a bit, swallowing the chocolate and setting the rest of the stocking aside in favor of pestering Jean just a little more. ''You're no fun...''

A hand snaked out to poke Ed in the side. "What are you going to do about it? Sit there and gripe?"

Ed sighed and resigned himself to snuggling up against Jean. ''You're such a spoil sport sometimes.''

Jean grinned. "How am I a spoilsport?" he inquired, nuzzling Ed's ear.

Ed would have said that Jean had spoiled the mood with his laziness, but he really found that the happy warm and fuzzy feeling was still there, so he couldn't say that. Instead he just shrugged, not sure what to say to that and blatantly avoiding giving an answer by pulling Jean into a kiss that still tasted faintly of chocolate.

•†•

A few hours later, Paul leaned on the door to Jean's room, touched by the sight of his nephew and Ed curled happily around each other. He debated whether to wake them up or not.

Ed stretched and rolled over onto his back, eyes opening only once he determined that he wasn't getting back to sleep any time soon, and that he was hungry. Sitting up, he nearly jumped when he saw Paul in the doorway.

"Morning," Paul said pleasantly. "How are you?"

''Morning,'' Ed replied automaticaly, ''I'm good, a little hungry.''

"Pancakes or french toast?"

''Ooh, pancakes!'' Ed's eyes lit up.

Paul smiled. "Right, then. Wake up my slug of a nephew, would you?"

Ed looked down at Jean, almost sorry to have to wake him. Almost. He tried nudging the sleeping blonde, stifling a yawn himself.

Jean let out a growl, then knotted himself tighter around a stuffed animal. He was _not_ waking up for _anyone,_ even God himself.

Ed nudged harder. ''Lazy bum, breakfast is on the horizon.''

The taller boy mrrphed, then muttered sulkily, "Screw you."

''I'm sure we could get coffee in on the deal, too...'' Ed was tempted to use other bargaining chips, but he thought better of it.

"Screw that," Jean said sulkily.

''Why can't your uncle wake you up himself? He's probably better at it...'' Ed poked Jean in the side. ''You're almost depressing when you don't want to get up...''

Jean yawned. "Uncle Paul used to be in the military. You _don't_ want him to wake us up, trust me."

''I said wake _you_ up. I'm awake, in case you didn't notice.''

Somehow, Jean managed to stuff the slightly smug Ed under the covers. "I did notice, thanks."

Ed wriggled a bit until he managed to poke his head free. ''You might as well get up and come downstairs with me. You know I'll pester you until you do...''

"There's no way I can snuggle longer, is there," Jean asked pitifully.

''Well... I guess we could wait until he calls up down...'' Ed snuggled up against Jean a bit.

Jean groaned. "Call? You're kidding, right? More like _drag_."

''You asked...'' Ed shrugged. ''As long as you don't go back to sleep I see no real problem with waiting.''

Sighing morosely, Jean sat up and stretched. "I'm up, I'm up."

Ed smiled a bit and sat up as well, flinging his arms around Jean's neck and nuzzling his cheek. ''Merry Christmas, then. You want to go down now, I take it?''

Jean returned the embrace, kissing Ed. "Happy Christmas. I vote for a shower, _then_ going downstairs."

Seeming to contemplate this, Ed rested his head on Jean's shoulder. ''Food should be ready before we both get a shower, though...''

"You could use the master bath shower. I'm sure Uncle wouldn't mind."

''I guess that works...'' Ed was still neglecting the part where he was supposed to let go of Jean so they could get that done.

"You sound so thrilled." For his part, Jean wasn't moving either.

''Yep...'' Ed was contemplating a nice, warm bath. After breakfast, and with Jean. He wondered if that would be an okay compromise, or if Jean would even go for it.

"Something on your mind?" Jean asked mildly.

''Well... I was thinking maybe we could get a bath after breakfast...'' Ed nuzzled Jean's neck a bit.

"Better be right after."

''I don't mind... If you don't mind us taking that bath together...'' Ed was aware that it would probably take longer to get clean that way, but he really wouldn't mind.

Jean blinked, trying to process what Ed had just said. "Works for me?"

Ed grinned happily and hugged Jean tighter for a second, kissing his neck. ''A bath it is, then!''

Smiling, Jean ruffled Ed's loose hair. "Brat. Let me get up so I can scrounge up a shirt."

Sighing, Ed let Jean get up, stretching and yawning slightly.

"Now who's getting sleepy. Yeesh." Jean hunted through his drawers, finally pulling out a worn tee shirt and yanking it over his head.

''I'm not sleepy, I'm waking up.''

Unconvinced, Jean made his way towards the door. "Come on."

Nodding, Ed slipped out of bed and following Jean out the door. ''We're having pancakes.'

"Good," was all Jean would say.


End file.
